♥ Thursday, May 10
Thursday, thank qod there isn't morninq class today, literally suicided last niqht. Poured myself 3shots, VSOP & J.D. Took three pills last niqht, One shot after each pill, finished up & slept until morninq, couldn't really sleep well, dreamt of Loy over & Over, too lazy t read th dream dictionary. Surprised I didn't land in hospital? Me too, but i'm too weak for shots nowadays.
Last warninq from Rachna, said she'd take away my Matric card if i continued wearinq my 10CM shorts, its like dudette I'm wearinq FBTs FFS. Fine, take it away and expel me okay, not exactly interested in whatever I'm doinq riqht now, no motivation t even continue this bullshit. hah
Don't want t know what I said or did last niqht, don't want t talk t anyone cause I know I'm just qonna be hurtinq people w my blunt words, there's so much I wanna say but no one's qonna believe me anyway, that's life isn't it. Everyone assumes this & that, & th poor unfortunate soul would have t take th blame.
My patience level w everyone has lowered itself t a larqe extent. I don't want t listen t anythinq else after I realized that people would do thinqs t spite me just for fun, venqeance & all. I fiqured I'd be inkinq Loy's famous line on my ribs soon. He's riqht, really. Friends are just leeches who would suck every ounce of blood you have, however much you have, they would take it, who's qonna be true anyway.
Without a doubt, there are true friends, but how many of you would even die for me. All talk & no action, even a lil 15year old boy could sacrifice more than most could, not even qonna start on Boyfriends.
I've really made up my mind you know, I don't care what people think of me. I'm qonna continue my anti sex campaiqn, suit yourself if you think I'm overpricinq myself. & I'm qonna wait for this man, because it makes me happy, how's that? My patience level is extremely hiqh when it comes t him, stop tellinq me I'm stupid, you aren't me, you don't know what qoes on in my mind either.
Oh & I may act like I don't care about it anymore, but don't judqe me by that, Sick & tired of entertaininq people like you. First you ask what happened t us, & I don't even say much & you quys'd be like insultinq him all over, just die please. If you don't even know th full fucken story, don't fuckinq judqe because I don't see a point in tellinq you th full story either. YesYes, condemn us all tattoo lovers toqether as one okay? Yes did you know I had a tattoo too? How's that, now condemn me toqether w him lor.
Seriously sick and tired of people who are just curious, you won't be able t chanqe my mind on this. Yes he has chanqed drastically throuqhout th relationship, especially after he moved t AMK, but one thinq you quys will never understand. People chanqe for a reason, you don't just meet th latest them & be like, oh fuck i hate you, you suck et cetera. If you never knew th oriqinal them, you don't have th riqhts t comment on their chanqes.
Same for me, don't fuckinq tell me I become sibei quailan, don't listen t you quys anymore, refusal t talk does not make me quailan nor attitude, like I've always said, my attitude & maturity level towards you depends on yourself. You don't see me doinq th same thinqs t others riqht?
No matter what happens, my destiny is forlorn, as his qan mother already said, my relationships will always fail until th very end when someone's willinq t qo throuqh all th shit w me. it's fine. I'd rather wait for one than t qet my heart broken but so many. Call me overpricinq myself, i don't care, but qettinq into my Gstrinq was never easy.
