♥ Tuesday, November 30
second post of th day `
it's 1230 at th moment `
i'm feelinq rather down aqain `
i really envy these women, whom my Jason wants to talk to `
instead of me, i'm borinq ;) `
he'd probably be tryinq to sweettalk you, bless you sweetheart `
they'd never know how blessed they were `
then aqain, i envy qirls with hot boyfs `
they can stand other women vyinq w them for their boyfs `
envy to th very fuckinq max `
stronq will, probably cause they're pretty `
beauty is skin deep, but uqly, is to th bone `
to me, all women are beautiful `
except for women who fucks married men, steals another's boyfs `
flash for men they adore , th rest are beautiful `
includinq prostitutes, i don't look down on prostitutes `
instead i look up to these wonderfully hot sexy ladies `
it's just a job where some sacrifice more & some enjoy `
still beautiful women to me `
even lesbians, i love these women `
more carinq then your averaqe boyf `
i'm thinkinq alot, lately, i enjoy pain, despite th hurt `
when tears reach th wounds, th wound burns, and numbs `
i'm considerinq a tattoo extension or a draqon on my leq `
& my industrial piercinq this friday, considerinq septum `
bodyart will be bodyart, but to me, it's a comfort `
have you ever wondered why i have so many holes on my body? `
what if today, i let you know th every sinqle hole has it's story `
a pained story behind every sinqle hole i've pierced `
special people would've qotten special parts `
take my nose for instance, kenq, i miss you `
thanks for lovinq me once, & probably still waitinq for me `
i want to tell you i'd never have th chance to qo back to you already `
but i don't have th heart to do it, so th piercinq, it's for you `
it'd stay with me for th rest of my life `
my tattoo, just to qet Jason's attention aside beinq a childhood dream `
this friday, my 18th piercinq, lauqhs, for you, & you only `
for hurtinq me, so badly that i slashed myself for th first time in my entire life `
at least nursinq another injury takes my mind off you `
i'm considerinq septum, if this dear friend of my departs `
ridiculous, but i like to remember these people as part of me, once `
bodyart, to be, is somethinq to be proud of, but not showoff `
appreciate it for what it really is, and not what it makes you seem `
i still cant believe i'm bloqqinq in a very old bloq `
but memories mean th world to me `
at the very least, even if Jason leaves me today `
i'd have you quys `
5 years of brotherhood with Baby `
4 years worth of Gan-Family w East side quys `
& 3 years worth of friendship w West side quys, dearest qrandpapa `
months with darlinq Sarine, who never fails to sayanq me `
& 17 years of brotherhood w siaoeh `
who drives back & fro school daily `
i love you all `
so yeah somebodehhhh pei me qo pierce can `
;( tell me what my face says after i pierced ;(
- - - - - - - - - - - - - `
i looked at my ticker at th side of my bloq `
it says " only 6months & 1week to my first year anniversary " `
i lauqhed, a sad lauqh, really `
where's my relationship heedinq anyway `
Labels: Second Post of th Dayyyyy `
30th November 2010 `
probably a date i will remember `
i couldn't sleep last niqht so i practically stayed up until 5AM `
from which, i couldn't resist anymore `
so i called him like a dumbfuck `
i ended up cryinq & playinq w th penknife `
it was kinda fun but dumb, yes i aqree `
i was really afraid `
lauqhs `
back to school `
had a bloody field trip to a museum where we drew stuffs `
sorta copy paste shit `
my sketch's drenched and imma blow him dry in an instant `
i cancelled my drinkinq appointment w J `
partially because i'm afraid `
& partially due to th fact that i don't cheat on my boyf `
lauqhs , if only everyone thouqht th same way `
almost impossible eh `
so i went home, watched another love movie about divorce `
it's really an awesome movie but heartachinq `
i'm truthfully speakinq, horrendously upset `
i don't know why either but i doubt myself, & my relationship `
i don't think we're qonna last much lonqer anyway `
i'm not that pretty ass whore who fucks every niqht `
i can't satisfy you by openinq my leqs, impossible feat `
i'm not pretty enouqh for you either `
probably th uqliest lady on earth at th moment `
lauqhs, i'm just th qirl who qives back what she takes `
how you treat me, is probably what i will return `
cheat on me, & i will timer you double, if i have th heart `
call another qirl a sweetname, & i'll qive my number to someone else `
you know, it really amazes me how many ppl have asked for my number `
only to qet it after like a year or so, kinda hilarious eh `
i don't know, that's not who i want to be `
i think i'm dumb, i accept you, no matter how fucked up you are,were `
no matter how fucked up your life or whatever nonsense, i accept `
don't ever make me reqret my decision, -siqhs- `
i'm learninq to let qo, so if th day comes, when you decide to rear a stray bitch `
i'd just take my leave & you can spend all your time w th stray bitch `
no matter how much it fuckinq hurts me, i've qot to learn `
i'm not qonna be th one who's qonna cry & reqret anymore `
i love you, but do you love me th way i loved you? `
i quess not, i don't speak much anymore `
reason beinq we fiqht every sinqle fuckinq time, defend, defend, defend `
than it comes to me beinq fuckinq unreasonable `
i'm so fuckinq terrified, but do you know? `
i quess not, you'd probably be in camp, textinq other sluts, whores, etc. `
i don't know, i thouqht you'd chanqed for th better `
i'm scared, but what choice am i left with `
lauqhs, but as i always tell my quys `
nope, i'm Fuqly, i don't have th desired looks `
but i have fuckinq brains and money, & that's all that matters, isn't it? `
with brains and money, i can do anythinq, qo anywhere `
with looks, you're just another petite useless shithole `
so yes, that's where my life's qonna take me `
many have told me, never to qet toqether w a NS kid `
cause they're all fucked up horny doqs `
& my choice, you know it `
ppl have lauqhed at my choice, but i dont fuckinq care `
others said i was dumb, i was practically livinq in paradise before `
i'm really tired, dear Lord, qive me a siqn, please `
i need to know, i need to know whether he's cheatinq on me `
whether i need to let qo, whether i should just leave `
i love him, but it's fadinq, from all th hurt `
sooner or later i'd feel nothinq at all, no more jealousy `
no more anqer, no more nonsense `
Dear Lord, qive me a siqn `
don't paint me beautiful dreams `
only to burn them to ashes before my very eyes `
i can't take it, not after i qiven so much `
-lauqhs- th thinqs we do for love, kinda irks me at th moment `
i'm disqusted by myself even `
Labels: qoodbye november `
♥ Monday, November 29
i cant believe i started bloqqinq aqain `
sounds pretty retarded but yes, i will bloq aqain `
& i decided to continue this bloq & not start a new bloq `
because i believe memories are somethinq worth keepinq `
lauqhs `
so yes 1
probably the first post of the year `
school sucks , biq time `
wasn't in th best of moods today `
lost my rinq which kind Winnie kept for me durinq th weekends `
couldn't control my emotions aqain `
Suraiya was riqht , emotions is my main flaw `
kinda went out of class after a terrible breakdown `
thanks ladies for keepinq me company despite class time `
qratefully appreciated `
school ended really bad too `
thank qod brothers picked me up & drove me home `
they brouqht me to NEX to walk around `
kinda retarded thouqh `
practically nothinq of interest `
so yeah ` went back to seranqoon voids `
sat around & all th nonsensical bullshit just came out `
it's 3AM, i just qot home `
feelinq better already `
miqht watch a movie before bed `
& drinkinq session w Ziqi tomorrow `
i'm beinq stupid `
but hey, you're not in my shoes `
you would never understand `
- `
knows what irks me th most? `
i just cant fuckinq believe i fuckinq cried in th midst of class today `
disqustinq crybaby `
lauqhs, for you `
& th hurt you inflicted upon me `
you'd never understand `
love, whats love, fuck love `
Labels: back to bloqqinq `
