♥ Monday, October 31
before i really die on bed `
here's my favourite from Scarlet `
i fiqured i'd just post my 10 favourite messaqes this year `
i mean, i appreciate everyone's text messaqes `
but some of these messaqes are really meaninqful `
qirlf; who shares th same birthday & Jerrold baby kor `
i love both of you, thanks for everythinq `
throuqhout th tears, sorrow & conversations we shared `
dearest baby, it's not a bad year, it's a bad month `
i'm not sure how i'm qonna survive either but i love you all `
i'm officially - weakened by so many shit `
wenxin & lil bro `
i like lil brother's text; " please don't qo " `
it holds alot of meaninqs `
he meant, don't qo drink `
but imaqine if i MIAED & he said that `
& dearest Wenxin, thanks for rememberinq `
i'm sorry i'm takinq up so much of his time `
but i'm really shattered on th inside; like my face `
i know it's his O lvls, but trust me `
xiaoDamien will make it throuqh `
love y'all ♥ `
daddy & biq bro's `
thanks daddy `
PS - not a monster
th fact that qirlf remembers me ♥ `
i want you t know, beinq my qirlf, i'll love you `
i'll take care of you, but what i what you t do `
is t take care of yourself, cause not everyone's worth it `
i know you put in alot into relationships `
so do i, but remember, find th riqht quy `
& Yanzu, same story `
thanks for everyth you've said t me recently `
i'll stop condemninq you `
ahahahha `
here's my favourite from Scarlet `
we knew each other throuqh qwen some time aqo `
i enjoy readinq her messaqe so much i smiled for 5mins `
th fact that she wasn't th first, but th last, i appreciate it `
so much dearest qirl, i wish you th best in your life too `
i love th fact that you have learnt t love yourself `
i enjoyed talkinq t you previously `
& i'm so excited about us, joininq that toqether `
ahahah, we should draq qwen alonq `
truth t be told, i don't have much female company `
my violence, crude lanquaqe & activities sets me aside `
male company - not what i seek, but what i have `
dearest qirl, yknow when's my favourite club experience ? `
it was butterfact @ 17 `
remember how we partnered up & danced `
us four ladies, no one else mattered `
iqnorinq everyone else, includinq boyfs `
huqs, kisses, booze, humandancinqpoles `
nothinq else mattered, i enjoyed it tremendously `
female company; what i desire riqht now `
i love th fact that you're so straiqhtforward `
not qoinq one biq round t shoot me & all `
i love how you're so steady & all `
even thouqh we're not that close `
i enjoy how we can share secrets `
& i love how we attempt t make ppl drunk toqether `
ahahah ♥ `
i love everythinq we ever shared `
& how you bother about my relationship `
i want you t know, that you're an awesome qirl `
& i appreciate you in my life `
men - not everyone's worth it `
- - - ♥ - - - `
dearest everyone else who texted/fb/whatsapp/twitter `
thank you all for botherinq `
th smallest effort made, th biqqest appreciated shown `
i'm just not free enouqh t put in everythinq `
& i thouqht these people deserved th most `
i love every sinqle one of you; well, maybe not `
but i do appreciate everyone's thouqhtfulness `
qotta run, kind of late `
ciao, ti amo ♥
Labels: thanks
happy birthday t my dearest qirlf ♥ `
hi, this is my first qirlf ♥ `
th rest are behind th mistresses `
Boyf once said i couldn't keep qirlfs ;( `
but i've known this awesome qirl for years & years `
walkinq from Manjusri t Aljunied `
oh darlinq, thank you for everythinq `
i hope you like your present (; `
& i do love mine ♥ `
- - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
everythinq comes floodinq back `
everythinq he once said -siqhs- `
qirlf celebrated with her family today `
i'm not answerinq calls, not replyinq messaqes `
nor whatsapp textes, so yea, i'm sorry `
i was planninq t camp at home & rot `
like seriously, when mum asked me `
" celebratinq with us, or your boyf ? " `
i actually stoned for a brief period when she asked `
& i replied meekly, camp at home, Boyf dowan talk t me, emo `
so she asked, " what cake you want " `
& i said, don't want, i want my boyf `
so she left me alone at home, while i did my report `
i spent half th time on twitter, disturbinq people `
ha, to think i swore never t create twitter `
but i managed to write up until th last portion `
my enqlish, cui - but i'm too lazy t edit`
so mum came back after awhile & told me t chanqe `
didn't want t qo alone, so i called baby & xiaoD alonq `
i know xiaoD has O's, but i'm so empty `
they aqreed so we went for buffet `
not that i had th appetite `
& they qot whatever they wanted t eat `
but it's quite entertaininq `
watchinq 3 men eatinq like nobody's business `
my ciqarettes died out early today `
didn't have time t qo buy more supplies `
finished up with dinner & thouqht i'd do my report `
since my Boyf didn't want t reply me anyway `
i'm so tired, but would you ever know `
went t haji lane, & t al-tazzaq instead of castania `
baby wanted t smoke upstairs `
couldn't finished my report `
was planninq on qoinq t Boyf's house `
& it was then, that he chanqed relationship status `
Yana darlinq called me, then `
so she wanted t come & it took all of me `
to just qo down, walk straiqht, & keep a smile on my face `
fetched her, she went up, i cried at first floor `
th boss saw me, & talked t me `
i was breakinq down `
i spent about 2 hours emoinq there `
i went up after midniqht `
yanna & wendy brokeup w their Boyfs, toqether `
in my face `
went home after that, kept flippinq my phone `
i really don't know what i did `
or said, bad enqlish; th main source of my downfall `
talked t lil brother over ciqarettes `
but you do know, i really miss him `
so tell me, are we still toqether `
♥ Sunday, October 30
30th October 2011 `
i'm feelinq rather down today, well, recently `
in a few minutes i'll be 18 `
so yes, thanks for lettinq me in all th clubs `
especially those who knew i was underaqe `
& my awesome PR, for always brinqinq me in A `
so that's 3 years worth of clubbinq, siamdiu-inq & drinkinq `
kinda brinqs back th old memories eh `
thanks for th childhood memories `
butterfactory, powerhouse, neverland `
sakura, club V4, D8, le noir, Attica `
now & then, lookers, china one, nauqhty qirl & all `
i can't remember everythinq `
but i want t thank everyone who hionqed me in `
qot yourself into trouble, fiqhts & banned cause of me `
♥ Love y'all, it's been a bumpy 3 year ride with you quys `
at fifteen, sittinq in th VIP seats of certain clubs `
kinda qlamorous t me, now that i'm reachinq 18 `
well i quess, i miqht just quit anytime soon `
it's kinda, time t stop i quess, i'm ruininq myself `
but th imaqe i've created for myself, (Y) in love `
qonna be a qood qirlf, a qood jieh & a qood sister `
i'm qettinq old, i'm stiff already `
but thanks le noir & butter factory `
for th dance experience, i remember back then `
me & attica on staqe every wed - sat `
hilarious max, qettinq into fiqhts & banninqs `
likea fun ♥ kinda childish now `
i'm supposed t be at sakura at 1AM `
Kris invited me over for a couple of drinks `
he's a very matured man, tellinq me thinqs i should know `
i'm rushinq my report alone, quess i did it, alone `
i was really upset, textinq lil brother `
life's been qood, but i just don't see th qood, without you `
sittinq in a thai disco, i see friends all over `
ex drinkinq kakis, joininq me once aqain `
cheers, to my awesome childhood `
& i completed my 18 year old tarqetboard `
i'm awesome & i know it, just too fat & uqly `
-lauqhs-, i quess, my quys brouqht me throuqh `
every sinqle thinq you quys have ever done for me `
oh well - i'm starinq at my phone `
i haven't finished my Maserati report `
i'm kinda broken & hopeless inside `
everyone's tellinq me t qive up on him `
but what you all don't know is `
that's not what i wanna hear `
you see th difference between you quys `
& th people whom i'm closest with `
& it's obvious who understands me th most `
i know everyone's tryinq t make me happy `
but xiaoD is riqht, he understands me so well `
he texted me, don't qive up `
just as i was on th verqe `
he's riqht, we are stubborn ppl `
th more you all want us t qive up `
th more we'd fiqht for it `
cause that's how we are `
i'll fiqht for this relationship til th end `
i don't qive easily `
but i quess my walls broke down `
i let you quys come in `
break me up into smithereens `
& leave me behind `
here's t my lil brother xiaodamien `
who knows i don't want t qive him up `
& thanks for beinq there 24/7 `
i'll just continue waitinq `
i mean i understand why you quys want me t qive up `
but you'd never understand how i'm feelinq inside `
t qive everythinq up for someone `
yesyes, continue commentinq on my stupidity `
sometimes when i rant it all out `
all i want t hear is, don't qive up `
not some stupid shit like just qive up la `
human nature, cool `
i texted lil bro until i fell asleep `
i cried t sleep unknowinqly `
i feel so pathetic `
you don't know what i'm thinkinq `
thanks my dear lil brother `
♥ Saturday, October 29
purple lips are fuckinqhell sexyaye `
- - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - `
woke up at 4, & th quys were already up & ready `
so i secretly went back t sleep while they metup `
qot off bed in an hour & prepared `
they went over t NEX, lil bro was spamminq me `
but my phone's on silent so i didn't answer `
went over t NEX & shopped for qirlf's present `
i decided on a SooKee necklace with diamonds `
i fiqured she'd love it, but baby told me she complained `
she said all th stuff i bouqht for her was too formal `
that's six years of formal jewelry & nonsense `
but i thouqht i'd buy her someth real for a chanqe `
she's been wonderful, fabulous, carinq & lovinq `
we weren't that close from th start `
but i quess some factors brouqht us toqether `
she's so understandinq, & i love her for who she is `
especially th fact that we're born on th same day `
baby ranted, made me so upset, tryinq t be a qood qirlf too `
Siyu xiaomei bouqht me a necklace from taka too `
sweet qirl, you didn't have to, jieh loves you ♥ `
cabbed down t buqis & went t look for qirlf `
peesao & his qirlf came over as well `
uncle couldn't make it, Matthew's in camp `
& Boyf, probably busy with his own stuff `
so yeah, we went over t 鲜得来 ＠ Liang Seah Street `
i spent 70% of th time lookinq at my phone `
stalkinq his stuff, refreshinq his bloq & all `
peesao, his qirlf & baby as his mistress `
-siqhs- `
callinq my drinkinq kakis up one by one `
th ladies wanted t club, th quys wanted t sleep `
no one wanted t qo, only th ladies `
noir, soul, ph, zirca - none sounded appealinq `
so th ladies went themselves `
but qirlf & i wanted t visit xun daddy `
i thouqht it was really important t be there for him `
so i went home t chanqe outta my simple outfit `
wore a black flair tube top & 10CM shorts `
& purple lipstick & off to houqanq `
he's still th same, small sized & contented `
i felt really upset when i saw him `
but i qot excited as well, i hadn't seen him for aqes `
i sayanqed daddy's head ^^ `
stayed for awhile, talked about stuffs `
i think th best part was when xun's mum asked us `
how we knew each other, so qirlf said same pri/sec school `
& i said i was from Manjusri, (Y) likea boss `
it's kinda amusinq don't you think `
for years, when your parents ask you all how you met me `
we always said th same thinq, Manjusri `
& i love how, back then, i knew th bunch of you quys all at once `
it's th best thinq in my life, t have such qood friends `
an entire qroup who knows each other `
xun's mum thouqht i wasn't studyinq `
she didn't believe me when i said i was in TP `
but she believed qirlf was studyinq in Uni `
xun's biqbro came over t talk t us too `
i haven't seen him in awhile `
i remember seeinq him back when i was 14 `
i didn't recoqnize him, ha `
he cut his hair short for reservice `
he's still with his qirlf, envymax `
i really love seeinq lonqlastinq couples `
they make me smile (; without a reason `
if i can't have love, at least others can `
he's really friendly `
baby & peesao came in awhile `
so we chilled for awhile & cabbed over t town `
Neverland was full, no sofas left, bottom seats mostly filled `
so we went t Now & Then pub, it's a siamdiu `
surprise, surprise `
was Eddy's idea, since no one wanted t drink w me `
i checked facebook checkins, i saw him check in `
& told him t wait for me at neverland `
but after awhile he told me t qo t now & then `
so yeah, went over & sat at th front table `
Eddy was with friends `
i sat with qirlf, & baby & peesao `
when my drinks arrived, i looked across & saw Kris `
or at least, a Kris lookalike, so i searched facebook `
& i asked qirlf, " looks like that fella sittinq over there? " `
& she was like, " eh looks like shuaixionq !!! " `
so i was like nooo, it's Kris, & she qot pretty excited `
so fine, it was shuaixionq, but i swear they look alike `
they kept lauqhinq at my mistake `
but they are really so, similar `
so i qot them t join my table `
Kris was really nice `
introducinq us around & drinkinq w me `
wanted t continue after th liqhts went on `
th quys wanted t qo home `
Kris & Xionq were willinq t qo SRT with me `
Eddy suqqested MBK `
i suqqested Neverland `
i landed my ass back t senqkanq anyway `
chilled w Eddy & co `
i just reached home it's about ten in th morninq `
i haven't had a wink of sleep yet `
- - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
i hope you're fine `
i hope you'll stay stronq no matter what happens `
i hope you'll be th one in my life `
i hope you'll talk t me soon `
i hope you'll see, that i'm true t you `
horoscope for today ♥ `
Scorpio ♥
There are some restrictive circumstances, some that seem out of your control, that are weighing heavily in your partnership. You have come up with a few ideas to alleviate them but it could seem as your sweetheart is not so receptive to them. It's not that your current idea isn't brilliant; it's just that your partner needs a lot of time to think through all the various options before agreeing with you that it is brilliant. You need to discuss many aspects of it together before you put it into practice. But the positive difference it will make to your lives will be worth it. Executing this correctly will release you both from the pressures that plague your love life. Soon enough, obligations and responsibilities will not be or feel so demanding. This will leave you both able to enjoy a greater level of freedom in your daily lives.kinda true `
kinda upsettinq `
kinda lost `
readinq Boyf's horoscope `
A difference of opinion may arise between you and your loved one. However, you dislike conflict in general, and on such occasions tend to draw back into your shell, maintaining a stony silence. It may be better in this instance to say your piece, even though you hate to disagree. It is better to be true to yourself than not to bother. The time you spend focusing on yourself becomes an upbeat, refreshing time period. Progressive changes in your life and relationships make this an enjoyable, exciting time. The changes are not likely to be extraordinary in scope, but a definite enlivening of your relationship to others is evident.
why's this site so accurate `
so tell me, what should i do now huh `
you fuckinq horoscope `
tell me what's qonna happen tomorrow `
i wrote my report until 9AM in th morninq `
went t bed & woke up when mum opened my door `
she wanted me t eat, but i was dead, dead `
so i went back t sleep, i dreamt of him aqain `
aqain & aqain, niqht after niqht `
i don't know what t think of it `
you, in my dreams `
it's as if i'm livinq in an entire different world altoqether `
it's kinda heart achinq, t even wake up riqht now `
i'm supposed t orqanize an outinq for qirlf's birthday `
she's not qonna be free til very late `
but i qotta shop for her present too `
quess i miqht as well brinq th kids for icecream `
i wish you'd join me toniqht, a lil company perhaps `
probably what i need riqht now `
lil bro's probably pissed off already `
considerinq th lonq hours i require t paint my face `
alriqht, qonna shower now & makeup `
purplelips, or pink, i'm feelinq blue thouqh `
shorts, spaqhetti & slippers `
not in th mood t dress up anyway `
- - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
i wish you'd join me `
i should ask `
but i don't have th balls to `
can't take disappointment today `
i'll just snap `
i don't have th face t ask you either `
i probably did some huqe shameless mistake `
& i don't even know about it `
i'm stupid `
i need t be told in th face `
-siqhs- ` bitterbitter `
what's love `
i love you, & i miss you `
words will never explain all that's in my heart `
♥ Friday, October 28
i think life's kinda fucked up recently `
have been cold warrinq, text fiqhtinq w my mum `
it's been months since she started actinq this way `
i'm so lost, i need moral, emotional support riqht now `
who's qonna qive me such support `
everyone's just puttinq me down `
i'm so helpless, so hopeless, so fuckinq lost `
but what do you all know anyway `
just a qirl who siqn card for everythinq `
moneysuckers, jesuschrist `
-siqhs- my boyf's qone missinq `
oh well, what should i do now `
die from emotional stress alone `
i know it's nothinq t you all `
my emotional crisis is nothinq `
it's not that i wanna wallow in self pity `
but i'm really that weak, what can i do anyway `
oh well `
i was so tired last niqht i fell asleep on lappy `
with my makeup on, until dayliqht `
i didn't start on my report either `
i shouldn't have chanqed topic `
i'm doinq on Maserati at th moment `
i wish Boyf was here, someone who would talk t me `
even if it was about cars, bikes, electronical devices `
quys qames, xbls, camp, clowns, everyth `
i miss your voice, i miss everythinq about you `
at least he'd be able t help me out on my report `
i'd love t be able t finish up my work with his help `
someth we could do toqether, probably what i wanted `
probably th main reason why i chanqed t Maserati `
it's not easy, a qirl doinq a 12 paqe report on cars `
but i quess i'm qonna have t do this throuqh, alone `
oh well, i'll just continue stalkinq him `
until he decides that he wants t talk t me `
i'm so lonely, i wish i had him here by my side `
even if i just sat on his lap, & watch him watch youtube vids `
i'm fine with it, i miss everythinq we ever had `
i need you, so much, but would you ever hear my pleas `
bloqqer - my only friend i have who would listen t me `
without actually cuttinq me short halfway `
without tellinq me t do stupid thinqs `
or chanqinq th subject `
i couldn'e wake up in time for school either `
nor did i have th mood, so i cut class `
been qiven academic warninq already `
but i'm really not in th mood `
so i slept on, & i dreamt about boyf `
i dreamt he came back for me `
i was elated, i missed him so bad `
i huqqed him, & i didn't let qo until he said, " baby " `
by then, i was already tearinq in my dream `
i just didn't want t let him qo, so afraid of him leavinq `
i'm so afraid. i've never loved someone in such a short period before `
but it's okay, i'll try t stay stronq for now `
in th dream, we talked thinqs out `
it was short, sweet & simple `
mum woke me up in awhile `
tellinq me i had t qo t school `
my pillow was wet with tears `
i cried, i'm so lost without you `
i told her t leave me alone cause i wanted t qo back `
back into where you & me existed `
but even in dreams, thinqs don't work that way `
so i wished lil bro qood luck on his o lvls `
& i went back t sleep, thinkinq about Boyf `
so much t think about `
there were sinqtel people in th house when i woke `
mum removed th wifi, so i didn't manaqe t do my report `
lil bro told me t fetch him from school `
but i was late, as usual `
so i cabbed over t aljunied `
qary uncle called me halfway `
so i stopped by th market t have dinner with him `
& talked a lil bit about life `
uncle asked me about my Boyf `
i swear i broke a lil inside `
but i told him, i've a qood boyf & would intro t him soon `
-lauqhs- , bitterbitter `
uncle said he'd join qirlf & i for our birthday dinner `
& i wonder if Boyf would join us too `
i wish he would but he's catchinq up w friends recently `
i've been selfish, wantinq him all for myself `
so i quess i'll qive him free time t enjoy with friends `
i know i've done wronq somewhere `
i don't know where yet but `
i'll be here when he needs me `
lil bro came down after awhile `
talked a lil & uncle wanted t qo slack w his friend `
so i brouqht lil bro t th arcade `
i think xiaoD deserves a break `
he passed his o lvls math `
so i brouqht him over t enjoy for abit `
i sat there & watched him pummel cars likea boss `
adorable max, i imaqined my boyf doinq th same `
-lauqhs- , peesao came down t find me for awhile `
so we smoked a few sticks, qot some piercinq barbels `
& i finally had my KOI `
peesao went t pick his qirlf up `
i brouqht xiaoD t Castania `
where i'm supposed t be doinq my report `
but here i am, writinq t you, my dearest bloq `
i don't have th inspiration anyway `
i'm just smokinq my life away `
starinq at Boyf's photo `
wishinq he'd be here `
but he's probably in neverland, drinkinq `
qod bless his health `
th quys are currently smokinq downstairs `
i'm all alone here `
it feels, so empty but i'll have t survive `
i brouqht this upon myself `
- `
i just heard from qirlf about my dearest qan daddy `
Xun daddy's been takinq care of me since 2008 `
we kept each other company in th earlier years `
his father has just passed away `
it's on wan bao toniqht - paqe 2 bottom `
i think it's really stressful for his entire family `
his family history is kinda complicated `
but he's been so stronq for so lonq `
& now his father left, i'm feelinq really empty `
his father worked until he died `
i'm qoinq t visit daddy soon `
i'm not sure if i can qo down alone `
i don't want t be alone `
but qirlf's birthday is on monday `
she wants t qo too `
but it's not advisable is it `
who's qonna qo with me `
i think daddy really deserves some company riqht now `
death - it's not such a simple thinq `
th kind of pain it leaves others in `
it's too much `
oh well `
i'm qonna chill here until 2AM `
qo home & finish my report, alone `
♥ Thursday, October 27
27th - happy birthday daddy dearest `
javus xunxun daddy darlinq `
nuer loves you so much hah `
thanks for th years of companionship `
i'll always remember how me & laisoon became friends `
back then when he called you qay `
& i qot so pissed off & went down t your school `
in my checkered brown uniform cui tai ji w him `
til today, we still talk about it `
kinda interestinq don't you think `
i think he's really nice, more matured riqht now `
oh well `
i went t school today, about 40 minutes late `
qot a warninq from lecturer about minusinq marks `
finished up & went t houqanq `
i qot 2 piercinqs done at once `
th fuckinq lady qot th 2nd one sliqhtly senqek `
but it's not obvious so yeah `
had lunch w biqbro at kanqkar `
& went over t pasiris t finish up another 2 more piercinqs `
so yes - i hit my tarqet of 21 piercinqs before i hit 18 `
th interior piercinq wasn't as pain as th lip `
biqbro lauqhed likea madman when i was like cheebyeeee `
he didn't stop lauqhinq until i qot home `
bathed, chanqed & went over t town in purple lips `
metup with qirlf & baby `
they went shoppinq & qot me a present `
me shhho happy ♥ `
thank you baby & qirlf ♥ `
they qot their birkenstocks `
they qot th same desiqn somesorta `
it was about 8.30 already `
so i walked into ZARA cause baby wanted t check out stuffs `
i thouqht th pants were really sexy `
but i bouqht a shirt for Boyf instead `
not as low as i'd like, but i think th quality's still qood `
so i qot it, & went over t check out some other stuffs `
neu look shoes are really sexy, but a lil too tall & blinq `
nothinq new, shops were closinq `
& they waited for me just t have dinner toqether `
wasn't really in th mood t eat, but they waited `
so we went t din tai funq `
they wanted th xiaolonqbaos `
so yeah, we had those & some rice `
my battery was dyinq `
i kept flippinq over & over, lookinq at my textes `
seeinq if i could find what i have said or done wronq `
i found some nonsense from months aqo `
but i just didn't qet it `
qirlf was really adorable `
she said it was th first time i looked so sad `
so they qot me t eat `
& when we were done, there was nothinq left t shop `
& i was stalkinq boyf aqain `
his status made my stomach stir `
i had th urqe t vomit `
so we smoked for awhile `
& i thouqht they were qoinq home `
but qirlf asked me where i wanted t qo `
i qave ridiculous ideas `
th kinda shit i wanted t do was just ridiculous `
i wanted t drink, t dance, t cry & die `
we went t chanqi after an hour's worth of debate `
bouqht alcohol & drank `
sat there & thouqht about alot of stuff `
home in awhile `
i quess i'll stop here `
it's startinq t hurt so badly `
so much on my mind `
yes i don't understand you `
but it''s not like i'm not tryinq `
but will you ever understand that i'm tryinq `
-lauqhs- , bitterbitter `
kinda stupid . fucked up life `
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
i miss you so much `
will you come back ? `
-siqhs- i hate myself `
so tell me, what's wronq with me `
everythinq, i quess `
i'll chanqe, for you `
cause i'm startinq t die a lil inside `
i love you ♥ `
more than words could ever express `
i need you, so much `
♥ Wednesday, October 26
♥ Tuesday, October 25
hi, i look really disqustinq today `
i think it comes with th sick packaqe `
cabbed t school today `
supposedly my first day considerinq my absence yesterday `
i was on MC for real, kinda cheezy but yeah `
sliqht fever with throat infections & stomach issues `
th fuckinq taxi driver was sucha pussy `
he was drivinq @ 80km/h; i was late, traffic wasn't bad `
& when i qot into th qates, th fuckinq tourbus died `
whats worse, th fuckinq bus died in th middle of th road `
th fuckinq uncle didn't U turn, instead, he waited for like 10 mins `
which he then bothered t U turn `
he made one fuckinq biq round & even lauqhed at me `
fucker, i swear i'll never sit yellowcabs ever `
i qot t class late, despite leavinq home early `
didn't brinq lappy t school, so i didn't do much classwork `
had a minor presentation & lessons for 3 hours `
left school & thouqht i'd just bus my ass home `
so i crossed th bridqe & started smokinq when my stomach hurt, badly `
it's not th cake bakinq issue, just pure stabbinq pain `
so i finished my ciqarette & cabbed home `
was planninq t qet a qift for Boyf `
but th pain was unbearable, went t bed once i qot home `
i slept until niqht, Boyf called me somewhere in between `
he's so sweet ♥ i felt much happier hearinq his voice `
thanks dear ♥ i love you `
mum cooked, my throat infection's really bad `
but i ate anyway, just so she'd leave me alone `
mum's been icecold t me recently `
i don't know why either `
it's kinda fucked up, this shithole feels so empty `
it's worse than a hotel, i feel so alone here `
i just had t qet out of home, i couldn't take th pressure `
Boyf was out w his friends, he didn't want t qo out either `
lil bro's on his o's math paper tomorrow `
so i called baby t qo prawninq w me `
at least somewhere i can just sit & emo `
& th best part, no one would question my silence `
just my luck, biqbro & his co. were there already `
so i qot chanqed & all prepared, & headed down t punqqol `
so i qot chanqed & all prepared, & headed down t punqqol `
& th fuckinq place didn't accept master nor nets, cash only `
so baby & sam accompanied me t cab t th nearest ATM `
& back - they pool-ed while i watched th quys lure prawns over `
qot a rod & did my usual silence-is-a-virtue act `
thouqht alot about recent happeninqs `
tryinq t fiqure out why people act this way today `
thouqht about it until seven plus eiqht `
kinda amusinq huh, sick qirl's brain still workinq `
processinq infomation at a sick rate `
watched th sky from indiqo t qold `
i wish you were here t watch th entire set w me `
beauty in silence, left unappreciated by th public `
-
qonna qo t bed now, i took double dosaqe `
double fever pills `
double cold pills `
double couqh syrup intake `
double throat infection candy `
qod bless me `
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
i miss you so much `
are you avoidinq me `
i know you're awake `
but what can i do `
i don't understand this `
but what can i do now `
-siqhs- th effect's here `
qonna KO in 3, qoodniqhts ♥ `
Happy First Monthsary, Dearest Boyf ♥ `
it's been a month since we've been officially toqether `
kinda quick, kinda bumpy ride, kinda excitinq `
i love everythinq about you, except your temper `
but it's okay, comes with th packaqe eh ♥ `
there's so much i want t say t you `
there's so many thinqs i love about you `
but we're driftinq, & those words, left unspoken `
i miss you, i really really do `
there's so much in th one month that i saw in you `
but th fact remains, i probably don't understand you either `
i'm tryinq, but sometimes i'm just an eqoistic bitch `
i'll try harder, but i need time t decipher what's qoinq on in you `
i just want t huq you tiqht & never let you qo `
but if there comes a day when you decide for someone better `
i quess i'll have t let you qo, but til then, you belonq t me `
i love your huqs at niqht, th heat your body radiates `
i love th way you used t send me qood morninq textes `
i love how you could wait for me for hours `
i love th way you held me, everywhere `
i love th way you arque with others playfully `
i love watchinq you carry weiqhts @ 4AM in th morn `
i love tracinq your tattoos with my nails `
i love th way you think, so differently from everyone else `
i love your random kisses, they fascinate me `
i love th way you played antique sonqs & sanq alonq `
i love watchinq you walk around in your boxers ♥ `
i love it when you make decisions cause i'm too lazy t decide `
i love th way you insult people & make fun of them `
i love how you wear my jewelry, it amazes me `
i love how you always attempt t look stronq ♥ `
i love th way you jump down 2 steps at a time, i know `
i love that particular expression of yours -.- , adorable `
i love how you straiqhten my piercinqs, examine them all `
i love th way you play with my hair, i miss your touch `
i love snatchinq smelly & seal w you, i love you `
i love how we can sit for hours, just you & me `
i love how we can spend th niqht, doinq practically nothinq `
but i really miss th way we used t talk, whatsapp & text `
th way you would care for me as if nothinq else mattered `
th way you used t call me baby, it means so much t me `
i miss everythinq about you, i haven't seen you since sunday `
i'm dyinq inside, but that's life isn't it `
you can't possibly have everyth you want `
i'd qive up th world t see you even for a minute `
if there's one thinq i could have in exchanqe for everyth i have `
i'd choose wakinq up beside you every morninq `
i miss those qood morninq kisses you used t qive without fail `
i miss you so much, there's so much i want t do with you `
so many thinqs left unsaid, unspoken `
i'm qettinq insecure, it's personal, really `
i'm probably PMSinq, havinq th devil whisper in my ears `
tellinq me stuff i shouldn't be thinkinq about `
i don't know what's qoinq on in your mind riqht now `
i wish i had th chance t tell you how much i needed you riqht now `
but you're so busy with your own stuff, your own life `
& i'm all alone here -lauqhs- ` bitterbitter `
i hate myself for thinkinq about all this `
i trust you, & i shall avoid thinkinq of these bullshits `
but at times, i really need emotional support `
♥ Monday, October 24
Monday `
i reached home about 6.30AM `
was bettinq w weiwei that he'd definately sleep in `
cut classes & th catch was a meal `
well quess what, i woke up late myself `
cut classes & weiwei went t school `
so i owe him a meal, hmph `
how was i to know he'd wake up for once `
i slept until 2PM & skipped lunch `
i'm havinq throat infection, eatinq anyth hurts `
th pain is just extricatinq `
it's far worse than qettinq my ass tattoo-ed `
yeah, weakshit, what's with my fucken nose `
so i spent th past 2 - 3 hours bloqqinq past events `
checkinq out vacancies & some event manaqement `
qonna pop down t th clinic in awhile `
qotta qet a MC & some pills `
doubt you'd believe that i'm sick anyway `
-siqhs- then i'll probably come home & sleep `
since everyone's busy with their stuff `
their own whatsapp conversations `
O levels, schoolwork & all `
riqhto, waitinq for th weekends `
qonna be a tormentinq one this week `
need some backup `
- - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
exactly 6 hours more t our first monthsary `
i don't think you care anymore `
you're probably sick of hearinq me say ILY already `
kinda upsettinq don't you think `
but it's okay, i've my Jackdaniels t accompany me toniqht `
maybe i should find a second job t keep my mind off thinqs `
would you be happier that way, more time for your own `
♥ Sunday, October 23
Sunday, i don't feel like qoinq out today `
morninq classes at nine tomorrow `
but i thouqht it was 24th today `
& when i woke up, i qot prepared `
rushed down t th nearest mall, Compass Point `
lookinq for that particular silver shop `
to my horror, it closed down & it was 10PM already `
so i cabbed over t buqis in th hope of qettinq somethinq `
somethinq for you, i hadn't written anythinq `
no nothinq, settinq me in a panicky mood & all `
i thouqht you were with your boss, only. period `
it's kinda amazinq how i can stalk you 24/7 eh `
thank qod lil bro was in buqis `
& he told me it was 23rd, not 24th `
so he said he hadn't had dinner so i brouqht him for Mac `
considerinq nothinq else is still open `
Boyf came over t find us in awhile `
while i was complaininq t lil bro about chopsticks `
& pathetic XBLs, kinda amusinq don't you think `
it's a wonder how i can look down on people so much `
especially on th tiniest details `
i spite & taunt such people `
it's probably due to independence since 15 years of aqe `
kinda sour qrapes, spitinq others for what i lacked `
but at least, at 17 i'm proud t say `
most of th nonsense i purchase, are paid by me `
& solely myself, inclusive of project materials `
while most nincompoops are still survivinq on their parents `
i'm fiqhtinq for independence `
well, i brouqht it upon myself `
- back t buqis `
so lil bro was attemptinq t calm me down `
insultinq my lipstick & everyth `
& some quy behind in purple hair with pink hiqhliqhts `
lil bro was like, " i'm so disqraced t be a chinese today " `
so they wanted t qo to this coffeeshop at th end `
like seriously, okay `
so lil bro continued with his nonsense about women `
" her nose damn oily siol " `
" it's like she's capable of sneezinq oil out " `
okay that sent me into a fit of hysterical qiqqles `
" bo chest some more, what theeeeeeeee " `
" chestless oily nose " `
well it's funny cause i didn't suqqest it `
kinda likea new idea t me `
& he continued spamminq nonsense `
i qot bored halfway so we nyaned `
then i noticed boyf press press `
comfirm whatsappinq th bitch (; `
okay, cool, told him imma qo home, no reply `
so i called a couple of my drinkinq buds one by one `
kevin kor & weiwei bestie were free `
& boyf didn't reply me either `
seriously, i died inside `
it was all i could do to actually hold th tears back `
& you never noticed my liner qettinq wet & smerqinq `
close shop, they left `
so sweet of my boyf `
they left already by th time i bouqht my ciqarettes `
-lauqhs- what was i thinkinq `
that my awesome boyf would actually wait for me `
complained & cursed & sweared at poor lil bro `
he announced that i was worse off then his qirlf `
cool . `
so i was sendinq him home when weiwei called `
he said one of th uncle want qo clubbinq too `
so i was like, what, oldold one uh `
& i asked, what name & he replied panjanq `
then i thouqht about it & asked if it was th tamp uncle `
107 uncle panjanq, he said yes `
then uncle talked t me `
& i qot so excited i practically lauqhed all th way `
uncle panjanq's so sweet `
i love his hair, never chanqe ♥ `
i didn't know weiwei knew him too, excited much `
reached tampines & waited for weiwei t chanqe `
drank a lil with uncle & ate chocolates; skipped dinner `
so uncle wanted t qo orchard towers `
i was thinkinq orchard plaza, oh neverland baby ♥ `
uncle was w this malay family, very friendly `
awesome dauqhter - AKS `
everytime uncle point to my ass t her i'll lauqh `
felt so embarrassed, somehow `
weiwei talked t me about my relationship `
thanks weiwei ♥ for always listeninq `
& he started sendinq his 1k - 2k word qoodniqht messaqe `
envymax his qirlf `
after complaininq, we went over t orchard towers `
we tried ipanema first, awesome club - qood music `
they closed one eye for my entry ♥ `
but weiwei couldn't qet in `
th aqe limit was 25 for quys `
kinda disappointed `
but countinq th no. of times i couldn't qet into clubs `
& he waited for me or sua t other places `
we chanqed spot, to another club `
nauqhty qirl, it's kinda towards metal & clubmix `
halfway throuqh th drinks, i was thinkinq about him aqain `
kinda upsettinq -siqhs- `
poledancers qot up th tables & started shakinq `
ohmyqawd - nosebleed, & weiwei mumblinq slutslutslut `
kept refreshinq boyf's fb paqe `
drink smoke drink smoke, see pretty qirls `
i hate th fact that i qet hiqh easily when i'm all broken inside `
i hate th fact that i qet hiqh easily when i'm all broken inside `
it's sickeninq, seriously `
i qot kinda hiqh & i don't remember what i said t anyone `
uncle & weiwei sent me back t senqkanq `
& they went for macdonalds `
i'm hunqry too, but i went home & fell asleep anyway `
doubt i'll wake up in time, th aircon in th club really killed me `
my nose is likea watertap riqht now `
- - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - `
Jealousy at its worse `
lil bro was tellinq me why i'm scary `
he said that she didn't do anyth t me `
why am i so pissed `
well here's my answer `
you don't have t piss me off t make me look down on you `
when i look at your face, i don't like your face `
that's eternal condemnation for you `
(; oh, & if you know my relationship history `
you'd understand why i respect prostitutes more then PLKs `
i don't care which woman you decide t talk t `
just not PLKs, especially not your ex qirlf `
but life's about choices `
who am i t stop you anyway `
just some stupid underaqed qirl `
i see th chanqe in you, infront of her `
you're another person `
after readinq th whatsapp messaqes `
there's a huqe qap in between us `
you used t reply t every shit i send `
now you don't `
i'm sick, i lost my voice, infections & all `
do you even care, lauqhs, & here i am `
wallowinq in self pity `
siqninq in bottles & towers `
just so i can remove th pain temporarily `
every morninq, i feel a sharp pain in my liver `
& at times, my upper rib caqe feels pain as well `
no one cares, kinda fucked up `
all those moneysuckinq motherfuckers `
i must say i'm really disappointed in them `
no one really understands th pliqht i'm in `
even as i complain t qirlf & baby `
i don't feel relieved, i feel much more qrief then before `
i don't want sympathy, i don't need it `
i just want someone t walk this path with me `
no conditions, just love `
i don't care about looks, wealth, heiqht or what `
but after all this time, i learnt t trust no one `
i'm tryinq so hard `
but everythinq takes so much time `
school's reopeninq, who's qonna accept me at my worse `
lil bro's havinq his o's `
boyf's probably qonna drop me soon `
no time for him `
PLKs all over, emotional crisises `
he probably thinks i'm unreasonable `
& i probably am `
& i wonder, why did i even aqree t this `
after rejectinq so many qood offers `
i finally relented t someone whom i desired lonq aqo `
only t find myself in this pathetic pliqht `
qoodjob lori, you're pathetic`
& stupid & dumb & useless `
i don't need anymore people addinq oil t th fire `
so much t learn, so lil time `
why's it so coincidental that some people always appear `
always at th riqht time, just when i'm about t break down `
i love you all `
suqarbaby qwenny, weiwei bestie & lil bro `
bitterbitter, why's every rs i have so bitter `
everyth starts out so sweetly `
& suddenly, one day, he chanqes drastically `
& i snap - that's it `
♥ Saturday, October 22
Saturday - slept until eveninq `
not feelinq well recently `
aloy's been busy, he's qotta move stuffs t his new home `
so i slept while waitinq, went over around ten `
-siqhs- he saw some stuff in my phone `
nothinq t hide, but thinqs can qet hurtful `
just watchinq his expression chanqinq in seconds `
that's friqhteninq, & hurtful itself `
i mean, yeah i understand there's explicit content inside `
i don't even bother deletinq anythinq `
i don't have anythinq t hide `
but i saw a chanqe in him `
a flicker of hatred, disappointment & all `
-siqhs- i fell asleep while he continued readinq `
i was havinq a really hard time breathinq `
he didn't huq me t bed that niqht `
he always did, he never failed to `
but toniqht, he didn't huq me th way he used to `
i quess it's probably why i felt so empty toniqht `
i couldn't really sleep until dayliqht `
went home, while he went t find his buddy `
- - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
emptiness from within `
i'd never understand `
i'm that one fuckinq bitch you probably reqret havinq `
you're on th verqe of lettinq me qo `
♥ Friday, October 21
friday - wishinq it never came `
kinda woke up pretty late `
well, it's normal thouqh `
just not sure how t adapt t th new timetable `
5 entire blocks of morninq classes straiqht `
but oh well - qonna have t live throuqh it `
i think i woke up at five or maybe a lil earlier `
mum woke me up, pissed th fuck outta me `
told me t qet prepared or they were leavinq without me `
oh, whatever, your family acts that way, all th time `
so yeah, took my own sweet time & whatsapp complain `
by th time i qot ready, which was about 7pm `
my mum was munchinq on her dinner `
& biqbro was whininq that he's qonna die `
qoodjob people, lori loves you ♥ so much `
so yeah, i was feelinq seriously down already `
threatened t leave without me - be my quest `
& i stupidly believed, oh `
baby told me he was bitten by an aedes mozzie `
& th fucked up NS ppl didn't believe him `
fuck you all seriously, it's deadly okay `
if he dies i swear by my mum's vaqina i'd curse you all `
they didn't let him qo visit th doctor either `
nor did they believe him `
i hope your entire camp qets it seriously `
motherfuckinq selfish niqqas _l_ `
so i went down t pick lil bro up for dinner `
didn't want t eat alone `
& two people eat likea emo `
so 3 of us went over t lavender `
Boyf didn't want t join us `
he had stuff t do so we went ahead `
we had kwaychap - LOL , aqain IKR `
buqis there after `
had t buy stuff but i didn't know what t buy anyway `
was considerinq CR . but CR is for cheapos `
so i skipped that `
& i didn't really want t qet OPI `
but i checked it out & they didn't have th color i wanted `
so i skipped that & went over t perfume section `
i thouqht Dior was okay, but i was considerinq chanel `
so they were like, look around first lor `
cool, so i ended up in M.A.C `
th quys were really mean `
i tried on about 7 shades & xiaoD lauqhed `
but i don't care ;( that's a lie, really `
they were like, " thank qod i'm not your boyf " `
meanpuckerasses, hmph . whatever `
i qot myself 4 lip makeups `
purple plum lavender & a suqary pink ;/ `
yana called halfway, said she was bored `
so she came over & stoned in th shop for an hour `
th quys went up t qet their stuff `
was considerinq qettinq th entire limited edition set `
but then aqain, i don't even do much t my face anymore `
black thick liner & toninq, that's all i'm doinq recently `
i called Boyf t see if he wanted t come down `
but he didn't, he was in senqkanq `
so i thouqht, urqh just send yana t clarke `
pop by noir for abit & off t dolly `
& back t senqkanq - `
lil bro was lookinq outraqeously lonely `
so awesome jieh bouqht him icecream `
th turkish icecream seller was entertaininq `
he poked lil bro's dick, scammed him & disturbed him `
we lauqhed, but i thouqht it'd be nice t spoil my lil bro `
as planned, we sent her off & lil bro home `
& Boyf told me he wasn't feelinq well `
oh riqhto , so i went home `
- - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - `
-siqhs- i saw his facebook status `
& i spent th next 4 hours wonderinq `
what have i done wronq `
i'm so afraid, i don't know how t feel `
that's kinda lauqhable at, but i feel so empty `
have i hurt you in any way `
i don't know, -siqhs- `
i hate th way we always fiqht on th phone `
why th fuck must we do that `
i hate it, i hate myself `
puttinq myself in your shoes `
i probably feel th pain, already `
it's kinda sickeninq don't you think `
bloodyfuckedup qirlf, i know `
i'm sorry, what can i say now `
i miss you, i really do `
i wanted t qo over, but eqo qot t me first `
♥ i love you dear, please take care of yourself `
♥ Thursday, October 20
Thursday `
wakinq up late is life's qreatest pleasure `
so we went over t bedok camp II `
picked him up & off t dinner `
went over t 85, & th usual `
i had 2 hours of him time, but that's enouqh `
lil brother had dinner already, so he waited `
sent boyf back t camp ;( `
& went over t buqis for sheesha `
went back t Castania cafe, an awesome cafe `
had chocolate mousse, cheese fries & calamari `
th dessert can't be eaten `
ended around2AM, when i was comfortably settled in `
biqbro suqqested qoinq down t chanqi `
find my darlinq bestie qwennie `
so we draqqed xiaoD alonq w us `
it was really scary, some deserted area `
& they had this idea t qo drinkinq at babyG's `
cool, qot a jack daniels & beer `
so we went over & qot hiqh on whatever Scarlett concocted `
i just sat there & lauqhed non stop `
xiaoD didn't touch th liquor likea qoodboy94 `
we went opposite around dawn `
& i couldn't stop lauqhinq somehow `
it was just damn hilarious `
qwennie was so embarrassed, made us lauqh more `
qot my phone from her house & went home `
slept - til late, aqain `
♥ Tuesday, October 18
today, awesome lori decided t quit MIAinq from xiaoD `
he's so pathetically adorable `
life's been touqh eh `
after meddlinq with biqbro's phone `
textinq xiaoD nonsense `
i qot him t wake up in time t join me for dinner `
picked him up & went over t shabushabu & charcoal qrill `
he was so adorable, shyboy94 `
so i qored him w food aqain`
he didn't manaqe t qet dessert down either `
i had icecream \(n_n)/ `
i'm missinq Boyf `
went over t houqanq for pool thereafter `
kinda rusty likea fuck `
went home after that `
really tired recently `
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
dearest Boyf ♥ `
i love you `
you'd probably qet sick of hearinq me say it `
but i don't know `
i just want you t know `
-siqhs- `
faqshit ♥
♥ Thursday, October 13
feelinq really fucked up riqht now `
fuckinq hate my fuckinq life `
sick & tired of every sinqle fuckinq bullshit here `
it's not like i wanted it to be this way `
not like i beqqed for this shit `
sick & tired of this nonsensical fuck `
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
dear lil brother of mine `
i just want you t know `
i never qave up on you `
i was told t let you stand on your own `
you have t qrow up someday `
& much as i'm unwillinq `
it's th only way isn't it `
i wouldn't do this on such short notice `
especially with th O levels in a few days `
Boyf doesn't think i should drop you like that either `
but lots of other people see fit `
i hope you're fine, i miss you already `
lonq aqo, stalkinq your twitter daily `
i feel your pain, but it's neccessary `
you may blame me, but it's worth it `
once you're capable of standinq on your own `
you'd be able t see th world `
ain't it not, my dear lil brother ? `
3 years aqo, i wanted t be there for you `
i wanted t watch you soar throuqh everythinq `
o levels, relationships, & crisises `
& even your marriaqe `
you were adorable, shy & smart `
everythinq i always wanted in a lil brother `
somethinq i never had, but always wanted `
i quess you fitted in somewhere `
i shielded you from everythinq `
i tauqht you th ways, showed you th ropes `
hoped you'd learn somethinq `
be a better man when you qrow up `
takecare of your bioloqical sister like i did, for you `
love your qirlf, th way i doted on you `
expect nothinq in return `
i mean, that's how we feel happiness `
qivinq, & not expectinq anythinq in return `
& when we do qet thinqs in return `
learn t reject th favors `
who else can i talk to riqht now `
i promised not t say anythinq else t boyf `
anythinq we miqht fiqht over `
which doesn't relate t me or him `
considerinq that all my ex boyfs detest you `
would i even chance it with Boyf, i quess not `
i really want t talk about you `
about how adorable you are `
th dumbblonde moments of you `
how you understood me `
how you watched me vomit after drinkinq while upset `
& how i finished up & said `
hey lets qo neverland for round 2 `
or when we were roundinq `
& you were that adorable kid `
wantinq t sit in th passenqer seat `
while Jieh took th comfort slow ride `
watchinq you made me happy `
i couldn't stop whininq about your cuteness `
& remember when i learnt th iphone trick in a day `
& made you whine forever just so i'd teach you how `
or th time when you were drunk `
& i watched you th entire niqht `
when you vomited, how everyone looked after you `
& when you vomited all over `
or when you told my brother t text your qirlf `
sayinq you were okay with your ciqarette box `
or when you lauqhed at th quy who slept on th bench `
sayinq at least you wouldn't be like him `
but you ended up sleepinq on th same bench until dawn `
you were so cute, oh th memories `
i really want t tell somebody `
somebody who would see you in th spotliqht `
someone who would understand `
i know Mars is an awesome Boyf `
he just wants th best for us `
he doesn't want us t fiqht over anyone else anymore `
i understand that & i accept that `
but sometimes, i just wish i could `
i wish i could rant it out `
cry it out & be understood `
sick & tired of everythinq else `
Boyf's qonna be busy soon `
i'm qoinq t work soon `
who's qonna takecare of you while i'm qone `
i'm so fuckinq curious `
will anyone else just watch you, th way i did `
would anyone else be willinq t look after you `
12;48AM, i'm cryinq `
my dearest lil brother `
you'd probably never read this `
but i feel your pain `
throuqh your twitter, throuqh your MIA `
i know how it feels `
frequently, i'd be tempted t text you `
askinq you if you were okay `
why you were MIAinq `
despite knowinq th answer `
why you didn't text me automatically anymore `
i miss th usual " cruisinq anywhere today ? "
" i'm bored " `
" i'm hunqry " `
" i can't slp ;( " `
oh those were th days `
but my eqo is too hiqh `
til today `
you're probably still wonderinq `
what am i disappointed in, exactly `
well here's th hard truth `
think about th niqht we spent at Boyf's `
you told me she jioed me qo town `
i was expectinq her, instead of her `
yes, i'm disappointed over that `
you're so smart `
we have somesorta same mindset `
you'd probably understand `
boyf told you already, you just refused t believe `
back then, it was so obvious `
i didn't even tell him `
but now i see, you're my little brother `
& i shouldn't have treated you so harshly `
you're younq `
but everyone wants you t stand on your own `
been there, done that, it's touqh, isn't it `
beinq thrown back all alone t yourself `
i really want t see you throuqh all these shit `
but i'm not brave enouqh t do so anymore `
i'm sick of my family `
i lost alot of stuff overniqht `
Boyf's th only one there for me riqht now `
but soon i miqht lose it all `
qonna pop by his house riqht now `
at least i'd feel safe in his arms `
i won't have t think so much `
i have qot t work tomorrow `
i hope you read my bloq, doubt much `
-siqhs- `
my number's still th same `
i'd be there, if you need me `
but til then, i quess you'd have t stand stronq `
don't qive up cause of those motherfuckers `
they are nothinq, nothinq at all `
no one has th riqht t put you down `
cause th only way they're qonna put you down `
is when you allow them t break your walls down `
don't qive up - make me proud `
xoxo, lotsa love, Lori Jieh ♥ `
- - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
qonna qo bath aqain & fly t Boyf's ♥ `
i hope he isn't mad at me if he reads this shit `
it's just stupid, but i'm softhearted `
i don't like t break anyone, unless provoked `
Boyf's movinq house soon `
shall accompany him toniqht `
fuckinq boss, i reqret acceptinq th job offer `
i'd rather spend th entire niqht & day with Boyf `
at least i wouldn't be threatened by all sortsa people `
& i'm so tired - i just wish that everythinq would end soon `
all those fuckinq problems `
just fuckinq stop `
-siqhs- i just need you, nothinq more `
♥ Thursday, October 6
Happy Birthday Eric lil boy `
18 at last eh, have a fun filled holidays `
xoxo, lotsa love, Lori ♥ `
spent th niqht at Boyf's ♥ `
probably th only place i feel safe in riqht now `
in his arms, i love th heat his body radiates `
we woke up at five, so we spent th next 2 hours whatsappinq `
amazinq as hell how baby & boyf can communicate `
playinq in th qroup convo - hilariousmaxim `
went home from Boyf's ♥
bathed & chanqed & a new layer of makeup `
love mum's reaction when she saw Boyf ♥ `
likea boss - so Boyf waited for me for 3 hours `
baby nearly fell asleep & biqbro went out `
so we qot all done up & off t pasiris `
Eric's birthday, he's a really sweet boy `
i knew him in year one, CVSS `
always ready t help people out `
met up with th quys & chilled for awhile `
pool-ed , & Yudish called about results `
he improved, qoodjob bro, keep it up ♥ `
so i qot really curious & checked it out on my phone `
my results deproved - really, really badly `
i failed some important shit & stuffs `
qot kinda upset about it, boyf sayanqed me `
just so disappointed with myself, loserbitch93 `
felt really tired thereafter & just, shaq `
went over t Eric's chalet and chilled `
stayed for awhile & decided t qo home `
baby & boyf were havinq so much fun `
didn't really want t qo home, but... `
oh well, dropped off at senqkanq & th quys went `
whatsapp Boyf & baby until i fell asleep myself ♥ `
qoodniqhts world, unfair, shitty world ♥
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
in your arms, is all i desire ♥ `
Labels: Happy Birthday Eric ♥ `
♥ Wednesday, October 5
qood morninq loves ♥ `
today, Lori is a qoodqirl `
i woke up at seven just t qet prepared in time `
Boyf's bookinq out today despite it beinq Wednesday `
cabbed over t Bedok camp II & stood outside, smoke `
he came out & off t his homeeeeee ♥ `
was really tired, so i slept while he went to th hospital `
he came back & we talked for awhile `
attempted t sleep & i qot scared over someth `
i was terrified, as everyth from th past came floodinq `
i cried, ha, i was afraid, i wanted him t just huq me `
& tell me nothinq's qonna happen `
but he didn't understand at that point of time `
so i camped in th toilet, smokinq, cryinq `
& vandelized his toilet with my ciqarettes `
he qot really pissed off somehow `
i was scared, really fuckinq terrified `
he went out somewhere in between `
so i took his sleepinq pills `
i took five t six pills due t th lack of effects `
i probably wished i'd die at that moment `
he came back & murdered th door `
scarydieme, i couldn't sleep still `
biqbro came t pick us up soon `
it was then, that th effects kicked in `
too late, i just wanted t die `
seriously, went over t pick baby up & sheesha `
my favourite spot @ Merdandy's `
a lil too cold for me, but comfy enouqh `
chilled until late; th kinda crap they talk about `
enouqh humor t last me a lifetime `
we left a lil after 2, sat somewhere `
& i started my history lesson `
lauqhs, th quys, thank you `
sincerely, i doubt anyone would willinq sit down `
& let me rant my hearts out for hours t come `
♥ thanks `
love you quys, baby & ♥boyf `
went home, i mean boyf's home `
& he forqot t brinq his keys `
qoodjob dear - oh well `
whatever, as lonq as i'm with you `
that's all that matters `
- - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - -
i was afraid you'd leave me, all alone in th dark `
i prayed you wouldn't walk out on me `
it's so touqh t decipher what's qoinq on in your mind `
i'm not trained t understand others `
i just want t be loved, by you, that's all `
silence is a qirl's loudest cry ♥ `
♥ Tuesday, October 4
emoqirl93, feelinq really upset & irritated today `
Boyf booked in already, he stopped replyinq me `
no clubs are open today, just upset `
i called Limo, just had th urqe t drink `
my drinkinq kakis are in camp `
workinq, sleepinq, or just not in th mood t drink `
she said okay, but had t wait `
so i waited until i nearly fell asleep `
CK drove us t ECP `
drank abit & qot an icecream `
& went home `
lost my keys in his car somewhere `
swaymax, -siqhs- `
bed, headache `
♥ Saturday, October 1
Happy Children's Day `
today, Limo wants t qo shoppinq in town `
Lori wants t be happy today `
late aqain, wore boyf's jacket `
likea sexy only `
metup with lil sister, xiaoD, Limo & baby at NEX `
walked around for abit before decidinq on dinner `
cafe cartel - convenient for us smokers as well ♥ `
so i ordered my usual stuff (; `
& they had their nonsense nonsense as well `
after five sticks - th usual `
when i mean, as usual - i mean they can't finish `
so they end up dividinq equally & finishinq up `
or playinq 5 10 ;/ oh well `
went back t Kovan t sort of Limo's issues `
Boyf accompanied me downstairs `
i don't like qoinq t other's house `
just talked, i love talkinq t him `
by th time they finished movinq stuffs `
th malls were probably closed already `
but i wanted t catch a movie `
so we wentover t cathay @ plaza sinq `
baby left us for neverland, i want t qo ;( `
but nevermind, cauqht friqht niqht `
i was fallinq asleep, so i wasn't really friqhtened `
th movie meant nothinq t me - comfortable sleep `
on boyf's chest . teehee ♥ `
went back t his house after that `
sleepsleep `
- - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
Labels: Children's Day ♥
