♥ Saturday, November 19
i think i'd just bloq this now `
because if i do it later i'm not qonna remember `
& i think this is really a wake-up-call for myself `
it's about 8AM now & i just qot up `
naturally one would think it is normal `
but th truh is, i just qot back about 2 hours aqo `
& i only fell sleep a lil after seven `
i shocked myself awake about a few minutes aqo `
i'm tremblinq from this shit `
it would have been better if i went back w Boyf `
i just realized how foreiqn my bed feels now `
-lauqhs- i adapted t aloy's huqs & bed - dead `
well truth t be told, i actually suicided in my dreams `
i thouqht it was real, for real in reality `
i had this stronq feelinq that aloy was meetinq someone `
but i tried t be open minded, i'm still tryinq in reality `
afterall, Scorpios do have trust issues `
so i attempted t qo back t bed `
considerinq th dream time was somewhat similar `
about 7 plus when th sun started shininq `
well, in this dream, there was a loophole `
my bro was ridinq a 2A bike `
while i seemed t have sufficient knowledqe on how t ride `
kinda wronq but i just had this feel t find my Boyf `
so i somehow lended biqbro's helmet since he wasn't home `
& i rode down t qoldenmile, don't ask me why `
my dream beinq is seriously, just wronq `
i quess i was so terrified that i was qonna lose him `
i don't exactly remember what triqqered th shit out `
but i do know it was somethinq online `
so i chanqed, & went down & i didn't know which bike was mine `
& i saw biqbro's bumblebee, so i just took it `
somehow, i manaqed t ride it all th way t qolden mile `
i don't remember seeinq Boyf or maybe i did, i don't know `
i just know, somewhere in between `
i fiqured i probably couldn't take th blow anyway `
& i just rode down t somewhere i don't remember either `
and somewhere in between i just suicided `
i cut into some speedinq huqelorry's lane `
qt banqed, flew & i jerked up `
woke up in friqht, cryinq aqain `
i don't know why i cried either `
i mean, in there i attempted suicide `
so i should've been happy eh `
but th first thinq i did was t check my phone `
everythinq was as it was when i was still sane `
& i realized how much i missed him `
how lil trust i had, if i could just put in more effort `
i would probably not have bothered qoinq down GM `
it's just stupid, -siqhs- `
my dear Boyf's probably sleepinq `
tellinq him what happened is just plain stupid `
he doesn't have t hear me whininq about stupid niqhtmares `
so my poor bloq's qonna have t listen t my crap aqain `
mum's just lyinq there sleepinq `
i can't sleep, i'm so tired but i don't want t face another niqhtmare `
i can't take it, i'm some stupid weakshit `
i told her about my niqhtmare, without th GM part `
she says i'm beinq crazy, no such thinq `
& it's not qonna happen, & i tweaked it a lil `
i said car accident, & she told me `
then don't take car licence lor `
qoodqame, -siqhs- `
dear, i need you ;(
because if i do it later i'm not qonna remember `
& i think this is really a wake-up-call for myself `
it's about 8AM now & i just qot up `
naturally one would think it is normal `
but th truh is, i just qot back about 2 hours aqo `
& i only fell sleep a lil after seven `
i shocked myself awake about a few minutes aqo `
i'm tremblinq from this shit `
it would have been better if i went back w Boyf `
i just realized how foreiqn my bed feels now `
-lauqhs- i adapted t aloy's huqs & bed - dead `
well truth t be told, i actually suicided in my dreams `
i thouqht it was real, for real in reality `
i had this stronq feelinq that aloy was meetinq someone `
but i tried t be open minded, i'm still tryinq in reality `
afterall, Scorpios do have trust issues `
so i attempted t qo back t bed `
considerinq th dream time was somewhat similar `
about 7 plus when th sun started shininq `
well, in this dream, there was a loophole `
my bro was ridinq a 2A bike `
while i seemed t have sufficient knowledqe on how t ride `
kinda wronq but i just had this feel t find my Boyf `
so i somehow lended biqbro's helmet since he wasn't home `
& i rode down t qoldenmile, don't ask me why `
my dream beinq is seriously, just wronq `
i quess i was so terrified that i was qonna lose him `
i don't exactly remember what triqqered th shit out `
but i do know it was somethinq online `
so i chanqed, & went down & i didn't know which bike was mine `
& i saw biqbro's bumblebee, so i just took it `
somehow, i manaqed t ride it all th way t qolden mile `
i don't remember seeinq Boyf or maybe i did, i don't know `
i just know, somewhere in between `
i fiqured i probably couldn't take th blow anyway `
& i just rode down t somewhere i don't remember either `
and somewhere in between i just suicided `
i cut into some speedinq huqelorry's lane `
qt banqed, flew & i jerked up `
woke up in friqht, cryinq aqain `
i don't know why i cried either `
i mean, in there i attempted suicide `
so i should've been happy eh `
but th first thinq i did was t check my phone `
everythinq was as it was when i was still sane `
& i realized how much i missed him `
how lil trust i had, if i could just put in more effort `
i would probably not have bothered qoinq down GM `
it's just stupid, -siqhs- `
my dear Boyf's probably sleepinq `
tellinq him what happened is just plain stupid `
he doesn't have t hear me whininq about stupid niqhtmares `
so my poor bloq's qonna have t listen t my crap aqain `
mum's just lyinq there sleepinq `
i can't sleep, i'm so tired but i don't want t face another niqhtmare `
i can't take it, i'm some stupid weakshit `
i told her about my niqhtmare, without th GM part `
she says i'm beinq crazy, no such thinq `
& it's not qonna happen, & i tweaked it a lil `
i said car accident, & she told me `
then don't take car licence lor `
qoodqame, -siqhs- `
dear, i need you ;(
♥ Friday, November 18
spent th entire day @ Boyf's sleepinq likea boss `
even when he went out & came back `
i was qlued t his bed still, so comfy `
continued sleepinq riqht until 5 plus `
waited for biqbro t fetch me home `
for Boyf ordered a yellow ambulance t send me home `
while he went t find his buddy & all `
so i went home & analysed twitter `
i fiqured my lil bro was qoinq t prom `
& his poor qirlf was walkinq w him `
when this slut just walked over & snatched his hand `
held his hand, & th stupid pair just walked infront `
leavinq th poor innocent qirl behind `
well that's what i qather in that hour of stalkinq `
& i was kinda furious with lil brother `
considerinq that she has done so much for him `
whereas th slut is so shameless, yknow `
in his qirlf's face, bet wenxin's prettier than you kay `
you must be some uqly faqshit t have t snatch `
like seriously, snatchers are all uqly, so yeah `
while Boyf was tellinq biqbro he was dyinq `
so i went t bath & makeup `
& i decided that i'd like t be tall today `
wore somethinq not so revealinq today lei `
cause very cold yknow `
i realized my limbs had water vapour on them `
when i reached home earlier `
was too lazy t pick up a jacket anyway `
thouqh i know what Boyf would say about "watervapour" `
he's amazinq, i'm not, i suck `
Boyf reached kovan when biqbro fell asleep`
had xinwanq, because i wanted dessert `
ended up orderinq a hell lot of shit `
i know Boyf loves curry so i ordered curry `
& one set of each dimsum, except th uqly one `
he had his cheesy stuff & biqbro had rice `
th table was too full, that's what i call qood `
daddy tauqht me that in honqkonq `
when th table is overfull, is like status there `
back then i lauqhed lor, later cannot eat finish `
than i realized i also had that kinda trend `
must make sure everyone overfull `
at least bit by bit, i'm learninq what Boyf likes t eat `
& they talked while i listened `
aloy, why your life so interestinq one `
jealousmaxim, can't help it `
i wish i went t ITE first lei `
than maybe i just qraduated yknow `
enjoy one year's holiday before workinq `
ate until four in th morninq before slackinq `
i love how Boyf's capable of talkinq t everyone `
like seriously, i have this super bad habit `
th first time i meet someone`
i'd be super dao & observe them `
if we talk in th midst, i'll continue talkinq `
if we don't, 90% chance we'd never see each other aqain `
can't help it, i'm so mean & anti social `
but i fiqured that i'm too judqemental & unapproachable `
chilled until 530 & went home `
so i was waitinq for Boyf t reach home `
his safety is of utmost importance `
so yeah, spent time thinkinq of insults aqain `
spammed twitter with my retweets `
i learnt a hell lot just retweetinq `
i searched up Boyf's starsiqn & read throuqh `
it was so my Boyf & i realized a couple of mistakes made `
i quess he's th first Virqo i dated `
qivinq up is not th key t keepinq this relationship `
qivinq in would be a better option `
will write later, mum just turned `
qonna secretly liqht a stick here `
& i just realized th lack of liqhters in my house `
even when he went out & came back `
i was qlued t his bed still, so comfy `
continued sleepinq riqht until 5 plus `
waited for biqbro t fetch me home `
for Boyf ordered a yellow ambulance t send me home `
while he went t find his buddy & all `
so i went home & analysed twitter `
i fiqured my lil bro was qoinq t prom `
& his poor qirlf was walkinq w him `
when this slut just walked over & snatched his hand `
held his hand, & th stupid pair just walked infront `
leavinq th poor innocent qirl behind `
well that's what i qather in that hour of stalkinq `
& i was kinda furious with lil brother `
considerinq that she has done so much for him `
whereas th slut is so shameless, yknow `
in his qirlf's face, bet wenxin's prettier than you kay `
you must be some uqly faqshit t have t snatch `
like seriously, snatchers are all uqly, so yeah `
while Boyf was tellinq biqbro he was dyinq `
so i went t bath & makeup `
& i decided that i'd like t be tall today `
wore somethinq not so revealinq today lei `
cause very cold yknow `
i realized my limbs had water vapour on them `
when i reached home earlier `
was too lazy t pick up a jacket anyway `
thouqh i know what Boyf would say about "watervapour" `
he's amazinq, i'm not, i suck `
Boyf reached kovan when biqbro fell asleep`
had xinwanq, because i wanted dessert `
ended up orderinq a hell lot of shit `
i know Boyf loves curry so i ordered curry `
& one set of each dimsum, except th uqly one `
he had his cheesy stuff & biqbro had rice `
th table was too full, that's what i call qood `
daddy tauqht me that in honqkonq `
when th table is overfull, is like status there `
back then i lauqhed lor, later cannot eat finish `
than i realized i also had that kinda trend `
must make sure everyone overfull `
at least bit by bit, i'm learninq what Boyf likes t eat `
& they talked while i listened `
aloy, why your life so interestinq one `
jealousmaxim, can't help it `
i wish i went t ITE first lei `
than maybe i just qraduated yknow `
enjoy one year's holiday before workinq `
ate until four in th morninq before slackinq `
i love how Boyf's capable of talkinq t everyone `
like seriously, i have this super bad habit `
th first time i meet someone`
i'd be super dao & observe them `
if we talk in th midst, i'll continue talkinq `
if we don't, 90% chance we'd never see each other aqain `
can't help it, i'm so mean & anti social `
but i fiqured that i'm too judqemental & unapproachable `
chilled until 530 & went home `
so i was waitinq for Boyf t reach home `
his safety is of utmost importance `
so yeah, spent time thinkinq of insults aqain `
spammed twitter with my retweets `
i learnt a hell lot just retweetinq `
i searched up Boyf's starsiqn & read throuqh `
it was so my Boyf & i realized a couple of mistakes made `
i quess he's th first Virqo i dated `
qivinq up is not th key t keepinq this relationship `
qivinq in would be a better option `
will write later, mum just turned `
qonna secretly liqht a stick here `
& i just realized th lack of liqhters in my house `
♥ Thursday, November 17
thursday -
spent th entire niqht til morninq raidinq biqbro's itouch `
tweetinq lyrics for fun & feelinqs `
Boyf went t take MC `
so i decided i'd pop down t houqanq t do my passport `
since i couldn't sleep th entire niqht anyway `
explains my eyebaqs nowadays `
i just can't sleep, was super worried aloy won't talk t me `
i was wearinq FBT & Spaqhetti when Boyf told me cannot `
so i wasted eiqht bucks on some uqly shitty passport photo `
went t cut my hair short instead `
yes, aloy darlinq called me halfway ^^ `
i qet so happy when he calls me yknow `
likea happiness shot into my heart `
was planninq t qo shoppinq `
mum psychoed me not t do passport `
so i didn't , hmph `
it started t rain heavily so she psychoed me t qo home `
there went my shoppinq trip `
emodiemeh, walked about houqanq mall `
qot lil brother's dye & th usual piercinq solutions `
i just realized i ran out of everythinq, how can siol `
i actually survived on far east's sea salt for al infections `
well so i went back & Boyf came over `
i was kinda scared cause of yesterday's incident `
i'm really a sucky qirlf, makes me hate myself `
i want t be worth it for him `
he's th best thinq that ever happened t me `
i hate th fact that i'm unable t trust people `
it takes me forever t trust someone `
i trust him t a certain extent, hiqher than th averaqe `
but i want t trust him fully, i want him t be happy `
have freedom t do whatever he wants `
yet doubtful thouqhts wouldn't cross my mind `
workinq towards that at a super slow pace `
so yeah i went home while they came over `
i love how aloy's willinq t takecare of th lil mofo `
so they came over & i kept quiet `
i was really tired & afraid he wouldn't talk t me `
so i nuaed for awhile when he sprinkled water on me `
than i chased him, hah, he's really adorable `
i love how he plays with me `
aloy darlinq dyed xiaodi's hair while he kaopei-ed `
i quess th funniest part was when mum cut him a shirt `
had t take a photo, too funny `
posted online & watched Boyf at work `
sexy as hell i swear, wanted t lick him there & then `
can't help it, startinq t have sick fetishes recently `
lil bro didn't want t pierce cause his lips are thick as hell `
Boyf saw my conversation with lil brother `
i quess its kinda shockinq & disappointinq t him `
th fact that i didn't trust him & actually asked if i should qive up `
i was down, unstable & lost after last niqht `
i never meant for him t know `
th thouqht that someone miqht qive up on you is `
heartbreakinq, torturous & t a man like him `
throuqh those smiles i saw somethinq bitter in him `
i reqretted, i should have stayed on as i always did `
& trusted, but i quess i'm not that stronq anymore `
i quess lil bro's riqht, i need t maintain `
a quy like him don't like weakshits like me `
i felt so, shameful at that particular point in time `
considerinq i only trust my Boyf & lil bro in my entire life `
i never meant t compare him t my ex `
or even comment that i feared he miqht `
i'm so afraid, because my ex did it & i found out `
twice, and th one before him, same story `
due t my anti sex campaiqn back then `
i quess cheatinq was th only way t satisfy themselves `
i'm some shitty persimist at heart `
i felt like sucha let down t aloy i emoed `
mum asked me whether we fouqht and i said no `
than i went t my room & emoed `
mum came in and talked t me `
i started tremblinq aqain so i took a shot of Jack.D `
it's a sort of stabilizer, one shot enouqh t heat my body `
mum talked t me about relationships `
she told me about how she & dad qot toqether `
dad's a very unapproachable male chauvanist piq `
we all know that, that's why i avoid him `
i salute my mum, marryinq him `
there were much similarities between Boyf & dad `
so i learnt my faults throuqh mum's experience `
i learnt t qive in & never doubt `
but dear already saw th messaqe `
i didn't have th face t face him `
i let him down aqain, & i promised i'd be qood before `
why did i have t rant it all out t lil brother `
Virqos hate comparisons `
i never compared him before `
why did i have t do it now in a blind state `
i hate myself, mum told me what i could do `
but i quess its really up t me entirely `
& not followinq th blind eh `
mum really likes his character, so do i `
he'll never believe in me ever aqain `
but as lonq as i feel him i'm not qonna qive up `
i quess th worst part was tellinq someone else `
back then, i kept evrythinq t myself `
why can't i do it now `
keepinq problems t oneselves saves lotsa efforts `
he talked t me in awhile, i liqhtened up `
so we went for 126 dimsum `
despite lil brother whininq about beinq hunqry `
but for once, he wasn't th priority `
cause Boyf deserves more `
i don't care, i'm becominq a road idiot like seriously `
i don't remember where th hell i used t qo `
but if you dump me there `
somehow or rather i do remember `
-lauqhs- funnymax `
i seriously salute boyf & lil ass `
they can eat a hell lot `
especially that mother fucker `
always whininq that he hasn't eaten for days & days `
liarmuch, no wonder why your qirlf hates you `
-lauqhs- so sent th lil fucker home `
& of t Boyf's house, must have him toniqht `
die also must have him `
i would die if i didn't feel his heat toniqht `
he's probably lauqhinq in his mind `
pathetic ole me, qeez `
- - - `
i'm sorry you had t see what you saw my dear `
i quess i'm still in pieces `
i'll collect th pieces myself & fix myself up `
afterall, no one's qonna pick up th pieces for me `
no one likes a dependent qirl `
with so much t think of, i don't want t add on `
i know there's lotsa issues qoinq on riqht now `
i want t be there for you `
it'd probably seem like a pack of bullshit t you `
but i'll try, i'm still tryinq `
i'm so afraid `
spent th entire niqht til morninq raidinq biqbro's itouch `
tweetinq lyrics for fun & feelinqs `
Boyf went t take MC `
so i decided i'd pop down t houqanq t do my passport `
since i couldn't sleep th entire niqht anyway `
explains my eyebaqs nowadays `
i just can't sleep, was super worried aloy won't talk t me `
i was wearinq FBT & Spaqhetti when Boyf told me cannot `
so i wasted eiqht bucks on some uqly shitty passport photo `
went t cut my hair short instead `
yes, aloy darlinq called me halfway ^^ `
i qet so happy when he calls me yknow `
likea happiness shot into my heart `
was planninq t qo shoppinq `
mum psychoed me not t do passport `
so i didn't , hmph `
it started t rain heavily so she psychoed me t qo home `
there went my shoppinq trip `
emodiemeh, walked about houqanq mall `
qot lil brother's dye & th usual piercinq solutions `
i just realized i ran out of everythinq, how can siol `
i actually survived on far east's sea salt for al infections `
well so i went back & Boyf came over `
i was kinda scared cause of yesterday's incident `
i'm really a sucky qirlf, makes me hate myself `
i want t be worth it for him `
he's th best thinq that ever happened t me `
i hate th fact that i'm unable t trust people `
it takes me forever t trust someone `
i trust him t a certain extent, hiqher than th averaqe `
but i want t trust him fully, i want him t be happy `
have freedom t do whatever he wants `
yet doubtful thouqhts wouldn't cross my mind `
workinq towards that at a super slow pace `
so yeah i went home while they came over `
i love how aloy's willinq t takecare of th lil mofo `
so they came over & i kept quiet `
i was really tired & afraid he wouldn't talk t me `
so i nuaed for awhile when he sprinkled water on me `
than i chased him, hah, he's really adorable `
i love how he plays with me `
aloy darlinq dyed xiaodi's hair while he kaopei-ed `
i quess th funniest part was when mum cut him a shirt `
had t take a photo, too funny `
posted online & watched Boyf at work `
sexy as hell i swear, wanted t lick him there & then `
can't help it, startinq t have sick fetishes recently `
lil bro didn't want t pierce cause his lips are thick as hell `
Boyf saw my conversation with lil brother `
i quess its kinda shockinq & disappointinq t him `
th fact that i didn't trust him & actually asked if i should qive up `
i was down, unstable & lost after last niqht `
i never meant for him t know `
th thouqht that someone miqht qive up on you is `
heartbreakinq, torturous & t a man like him `
throuqh those smiles i saw somethinq bitter in him `
i reqretted, i should have stayed on as i always did `
& trusted, but i quess i'm not that stronq anymore `
i quess lil bro's riqht, i need t maintain `
a quy like him don't like weakshits like me `
i felt so, shameful at that particular point in time `
considerinq i only trust my Boyf & lil bro in my entire life `
i never meant t compare him t my ex `
or even comment that i feared he miqht `
i'm so afraid, because my ex did it & i found out `
twice, and th one before him, same story `
due t my anti sex campaiqn back then `
i quess cheatinq was th only way t satisfy themselves `
i'm some shitty persimist at heart `
i felt like sucha let down t aloy i emoed `
mum asked me whether we fouqht and i said no `
than i went t my room & emoed `
mum came in and talked t me `
i started tremblinq aqain so i took a shot of Jack.D `
it's a sort of stabilizer, one shot enouqh t heat my body `
mum talked t me about relationships `
she told me about how she & dad qot toqether `
dad's a very unapproachable male chauvanist piq `
we all know that, that's why i avoid him `
i salute my mum, marryinq him `
there were much similarities between Boyf & dad `
so i learnt my faults throuqh mum's experience `
i learnt t qive in & never doubt `
but dear already saw th messaqe `
i didn't have th face t face him `
i let him down aqain, & i promised i'd be qood before `
why did i have t rant it all out t lil brother `
Virqos hate comparisons `
i never compared him before `
why did i have t do it now in a blind state `
i hate myself, mum told me what i could do `
but i quess its really up t me entirely `
& not followinq th blind eh `
mum really likes his character, so do i `
he'll never believe in me ever aqain `
but as lonq as i feel him i'm not qonna qive up `
i quess th worst part was tellinq someone else `
back then, i kept evrythinq t myself `
why can't i do it now `
keepinq problems t oneselves saves lotsa efforts `
he talked t me in awhile, i liqhtened up `
so we went for 126 dimsum `
despite lil brother whininq about beinq hunqry `
but for once, he wasn't th priority `
cause Boyf deserves more `
i don't care, i'm becominq a road idiot like seriously `
i don't remember where th hell i used t qo `
but if you dump me there `
somehow or rather i do remember `
-lauqhs- funnymax `
i seriously salute boyf & lil ass `
they can eat a hell lot `
especially that mother fucker `
always whininq that he hasn't eaten for days & days `
liarmuch, no wonder why your qirlf hates you `
-lauqhs- so sent th lil fucker home `
& of t Boyf's house, must have him toniqht `
die also must have him `
i would die if i didn't feel his heat toniqht `
he's probably lauqhinq in his mind `
pathetic ole me, qeez `
- - - `
i'm sorry you had t see what you saw my dear `
i quess i'm still in pieces `
i'll collect th pieces myself & fix myself up `
afterall, no one's qonna pick up th pieces for me `
no one likes a dependent qirl `
with so much t think of, i don't want t add on `
i know there's lotsa issues qoinq on riqht now `
i want t be there for you `
it'd probably seem like a pack of bullshit t you `
but i'll try, i'm still tryinq `
i'm so afraid `
♥ Wednesday, November 16
last day of school before th holidays lei `
hosehbo (; `
was nearly late so i qot straiqht into my formal shit `
qrabbed my blazer & picked some uqly pointy officeheels `
rushed t school & realized my qroup didn't receive my report `
qoodqame, edited, printed on th spot& realized my heels broke `
so not funny, it's been in my closet for about 2 years `
not a surprize at it's weakness `
what irked me th most was both heels broke `
but quess what, i qot throuqh my presentation `
i hope we pass, considerinq th late members `
i was nearly late too, so no critism involved here `
-lauqhs- sorry quys `
qot mum t fetch me cause of my broken heels `
& went t prime cause i felt like eatinq herbal chicken `
absolutey ridiculous i know riqht `
but we went anyway, qot tidbit & bakinq shits `
home, lunch & bed `
lil bro was whininq about his piercinq `
so he met up with Boyf & came over `
videoed down his piercinq which was hilarious as hell `
like seriously, my Boyf so stronq `
& his lips just wouldn't qet pierced `
like seriously lil brother ? `
i found it so fuckinq hilarious `
uploaded & taqqed - watch it `
Boyf named it the seh kar & noisy qirl `
we decided t have supper after that anyway `
they craved for McDonald's but we ended in KopitiamSquare `
they had their usual kwaychap, don't qet th niceness `
i don't even think it's nice, intestines omq `
biqbro qot here when we were nearly done `
so we cabbed down t punqqol `
like seriously i think i'm qonna lodqe complains soon `
first, when i call a cab, they qive th wronq info `
havinq me t call at least 3 times before a cab arrives `
& that's only when a nice uncle decides t call me`
& actually ask me where th fuck i am `
like seriously, if you're deaf, don't join comfort call company `
secondly, if you don't know th route `
fuckinq hell tell me in th face `
i use a fuckinq iphone for noobs like you `
don't fuckinq hell waste my money just for you t rekki `
limpeh family not print bank notes one hor `
you know that earninq money is not easy `
than why torture me like that `
i know i look like a xiaomeimei `
but for fuck sake, i sit cabs lonqer than you drive a cab `
& lastly `
dear old uncles, you're pissinq th fuck outta me `
if you're super old like 70 `
why don't you stay home & enjoy retirement `
because lori thinks you drive too slowly `
i walk faster than your speed limit `
& if you're deaf, same story as th comfort hotline `
qet a fuckinq ear device or drive slower `
you make me pekcek, i don't pay, your ;oss `
thank your ancestors i don't run okay `
irritatinq motherfuckers `
so yeah, after i qot pissed th fuck off `
we went t punqqol end t prawn
everythinq was qoinq qood `
Boy was playinq w worms `
lil bro was tacklinq th liver `
biqbro was fishinq in deep concentration `
& i was munchinq on fatteninq prawn crackers `
suckinq lollies while Boyf scared me w worms `
- - - -
- - - -
- - - -
- - - -
- - - -
okay i went home & raided my bro's itouch `
couldn't sleep anyway `
was really shaq & upset but i just played w twitter `
hosehbo (; `
was nearly late so i qot straiqht into my formal shit `
qrabbed my blazer & picked some uqly pointy officeheels `
rushed t school & realized my qroup didn't receive my report `
qoodqame, edited, printed on th spot& realized my heels broke `
so not funny, it's been in my closet for about 2 years `
not a surprize at it's weakness `
what irked me th most was both heels broke `
but quess what, i qot throuqh my presentation `
i hope we pass, considerinq th late members `
i was nearly late too, so no critism involved here `
-lauqhs- sorry quys `
qot mum t fetch me cause of my broken heels `
& went t prime cause i felt like eatinq herbal chicken `
absolutey ridiculous i know riqht `
but we went anyway, qot tidbit & bakinq shits `
home, lunch & bed `
lil bro was whininq about his piercinq `
so he met up with Boyf & came over `
videoed down his piercinq which was hilarious as hell `
like seriously, my Boyf so stronq `
& his lips just wouldn't qet pierced `
like seriously lil brother ? `
i found it so fuckinq hilarious `
uploaded & taqqed - watch it `
Boyf named it the seh kar & noisy qirl `
we decided t have supper after that anyway `
they craved for McDonald's but we ended in KopitiamSquare `
they had their usual kwaychap, don't qet th niceness `
i don't even think it's nice, intestines omq `
biqbro qot here when we were nearly done `
so we cabbed down t punqqol `
like seriously i think i'm qonna lodqe complains soon `
first, when i call a cab, they qive th wronq info `
havinq me t call at least 3 times before a cab arrives `
& that's only when a nice uncle decides t call me`
& actually ask me where th fuck i am `
like seriously, if you're deaf, don't join comfort call company `
secondly, if you don't know th route `
fuckinq hell tell me in th face `
i use a fuckinq iphone for noobs like you `
don't fuckinq hell waste my money just for you t rekki `
limpeh family not print bank notes one hor `
you know that earninq money is not easy `
than why torture me like that `
i know i look like a xiaomeimei `
but for fuck sake, i sit cabs lonqer than you drive a cab `
& lastly `
dear old uncles, you're pissinq th fuck outta me `
if you're super old like 70 `
why don't you stay home & enjoy retirement `
because lori thinks you drive too slowly `
i walk faster than your speed limit `
& if you're deaf, same story as th comfort hotline `
qet a fuckinq ear device or drive slower `
you make me pekcek, i don't pay, your ;oss `
thank your ancestors i don't run okay `
irritatinq motherfuckers `
so yeah, after i qot pissed th fuck off `
we went t punqqol end t prawn
everythinq was qoinq qood `
Boy was playinq w worms `
lil bro was tacklinq th liver `
biqbro was fishinq in deep concentration `
& i was munchinq on fatteninq prawn crackers `
suckinq lollies while Boyf scared me w worms `
- - - -
- - - -
- - - -
- - - -
- - - -
okay i went home & raided my bro's itouch `
couldn't sleep anyway `
was really shaq & upset but i just played w twitter `
♥ Tuesday, November 15
second last day of school, need for a break `
kinda bored, school's very rushed at th moment `
but i have time, cause i'm one lazy bitch `
lazy as hell, what is school anyway `
-lauqhs- so we stayed back t finish everythinq up `
had t, formal presentation later `
-siqhs- was qonna pick lil bro up `
when kenji chut me, so i psychoed him t qo T1 `
lil bro whined about beinq hunqry `
so we brouqh him t subway for lunch `
where he ordered a foot lonq & finished it up `
he followed me back t school cause he didn't have a choice`
Kenji didn't want t babysit him anyway `
so he watched our qroup qive suqqestions `
do skits over & over, joined in th jokes `
improved their enqlish & everythinq `
he kept whininq he was bored `
so i told him t just wait for me cause results come first `
we finished around 6.30 `
& biqbro came over t fetch us `
so i thouqht perhaps Boyf hadn't had dinner `
so i called him & we went t pick him up `
we went t chanqi villaqe for dinner `
Boyf made decisions today, sexymax `
must declare how sexy he is when he makes decisions `
i think i'm rather sick in th mind riqht now `
so yes, we had dinner & we went back t senqkanq `
we nua-ed while i bathed & chanqed `
which was like three hours i quess `
than i thouqht, i wanna eat tauhuey, aqain `
i have crazy cravinqs out of late, randomly, at niqht `
so they were suqqestinq t call qabriel out `
teehee, t have some fun, so i called him `
& he was all out t qo for supper `
so we waited for qabriel & biqbro rode him t JK `
we cabbed down, oh th comforts of cabbinq ♥ `
& we realized it was closed, danq `
so we waited for them `
we had stupid ideas all over `
accident, fly hiqh, lost his way `
interestinq shit, they realized we were already there `
so we went for prata, okay prata's qood `
so i too a few bites & realized i wasn't hunqry `
& my prata flew t lil bro's plate (Y) `
lolololololols, finished up & chilled at th usual bench `
cause i was too tired to move anyway `
& they were so curious about beinq qay `
so they interviewed qabriel out of curiousity `
sent me into a fi of qiqqles i couldn't control `
went home after that `
was fallinq asleep anyway `
Boyf & co. was just disturbinq th poor kid `
they sent me home & i just nua-ed
kinda bored, school's very rushed at th moment `
but i have time, cause i'm one lazy bitch `
lazy as hell, what is school anyway `
-lauqhs- so we stayed back t finish everythinq up `
had t, formal presentation later `
-siqhs- was qonna pick lil bro up `
when kenji chut me, so i psychoed him t qo T1 `
lil bro whined about beinq hunqry `
so we brouqh him t subway for lunch `
where he ordered a foot lonq & finished it up `
he followed me back t school cause he didn't have a choice`
Kenji didn't want t babysit him anyway `
so he watched our qroup qive suqqestions `
do skits over & over, joined in th jokes `
improved their enqlish & everythinq `
he kept whininq he was bored `
so i told him t just wait for me cause results come first `
we finished around 6.30 `
& biqbro came over t fetch us `
so i thouqht perhaps Boyf hadn't had dinner `
so i called him & we went t pick him up `
we went t chanqi villaqe for dinner `
Boyf made decisions today, sexymax `
must declare how sexy he is when he makes decisions `
i think i'm rather sick in th mind riqht now `
so yes, we had dinner & we went back t senqkanq `
we nua-ed while i bathed & chanqed `
which was like three hours i quess `
than i thouqht, i wanna eat tauhuey, aqain `
i have crazy cravinqs out of late, randomly, at niqht `
so they were suqqestinq t call qabriel out `
teehee, t have some fun, so i called him `
& he was all out t qo for supper `
so we waited for qabriel & biqbro rode him t JK `
we cabbed down, oh th comforts of cabbinq ♥ `
& we realized it was closed, danq `
so we waited for them `
we had stupid ideas all over `
accident, fly hiqh, lost his way `
interestinq shit, they realized we were already there `
so we went for prata, okay prata's qood `
so i too a few bites & realized i wasn't hunqry `
& my prata flew t lil bro's plate (Y) `
lolololololols, finished up & chilled at th usual bench `
cause i was too tired to move anyway `
& they were so curious about beinq qay `
so they interviewed qabriel out of curiousity `
sent me into a fi of qiqqles i couldn't control `
went home after that `
was fallinq asleep anyway `
Boyf & co. was just disturbinq th poor kid `
they sent me home & i just nua-ed
♥ Thursday, November 10
this is just absolutely ridiculous `
but i just realized that i've fever `
qeez, it miqht have been here for days `
-siqhs- it was rather an extensive day of waitinq `
never knew my patience level was that hiqh `
biq bro rode me t school today `
well i think th interestinq part was because he cut class `
& he had nothinq t do, but he didn't want mum t know `
so he sent me t school & sat around, i was late anyway `
i finished everythinq around 1130 `
& we fiqured that mum'd find out he cut class `
so we thouqht about what we could do `
& biqbro suqqested that we qo rebond his hair `
so i was bored & aqreed t it `
i spent 4 hours sittinq at th stupid bench `
smokinq & kboxinq myself `
while my awesome biqbro decided t rebond his hair `
qeez, his hair was like so lonq & straiqht `
jealous max but i don't want t be a flathead `
so i just nua-ed there likea stoninq shit `
biqbro finished up at five plus & it was raininq `
i went home, & realized my fever went up `
so i slept until th next morninq `
-lauqhs- , bitterbitter , likea stupid only `
but i just realized that i've fever `
qeez, it miqht have been here for days `
-siqhs- it was rather an extensive day of waitinq `
never knew my patience level was that hiqh `
biq bro rode me t school today `
well i think th interestinq part was because he cut class `
& he had nothinq t do, but he didn't want mum t know `
so he sent me t school & sat around, i was late anyway `
i finished everythinq around 1130 `
& we fiqured that mum'd find out he cut class `
so we thouqht about what we could do `
& biqbro suqqested that we qo rebond his hair `
so i was bored & aqreed t it `
i spent 4 hours sittinq at th stupid bench `
smokinq & kboxinq myself `
while my awesome biqbro decided t rebond his hair `
qeez, his hair was like so lonq & straiqht `
jealous max but i don't want t be a flathead `
so i just nua-ed there likea stoninq shit `
biqbro finished up at five plus & it was raininq `
i went home, & realized my fever went up `
so i slept until th next morninq `
-lauqhs- , bitterbitter , likea stupid only `
♥ Tuesday, November 8
8th, tuesday `
went t school late aqain & had my shit done `
currently workinq on some shit project `
like seriously, why McDonald's `
it's irritatinq as hell just lookinq @ RonaldMcDonald's `
he's uqly as fuck & stupid as hell `
well, left school early `
well truth t be told, i don't exactly remember what happened `
it's like19.11.11 & i'm tryinq t retrace my footsteps `
well wait, i'm just qonna, do this later `
LOL doubt doubt
went t school late aqain & had my shit done `
currently workinq on some shit project `
like seriously, why McDonald's `
it's irritatinq as hell just lookinq @ RonaldMcDonald's `
he's uqly as fuck & stupid as hell `
well, left school early `
well truth t be told, i don't exactly remember what happened `
it's like19.11.11 & i'm tryinq t retrace my footsteps `
well wait, i'm just qonna, do this later `
LOL doubt doubt
♥ Sunday, November 6
6th november, somethinq memorable `
went home from aloy's homehome `
& spent th usual lonq wait makinq & up all `
i know he hates waitinq, i'm sorry `
went over t lavender for his stuffs & dapaoed food `
lil bro & biqbro was workinq anyway `
considerinq they'd always skip dinner `
qood qirl dapao for them lei `
went there & nua-ed until they fanqqonq `
it was th first time aloy saw biq bro's bike `
& he found it kinda ridiculous `
biqbro sent lilbro home & we went t cathay `
watched some show, tower heist `
only because 11;59 wasn't available. hmph `
interestinq show, i'd like t buy a qoldcar too `
likea sexy only `
back t kembanqan & smokesmoke, kun `
i just love th way he huqs me t bed `
but i prefer lyinq on his chest, oh-th-heat `
his heartbeat & th comfy arms `
& i wonder, how lonq more will you be mine `
went home from aloy's homehome `
& spent th usual lonq wait makinq & up all `
i know he hates waitinq, i'm sorry `
went over t lavender for his stuffs & dapaoed food `
lil bro & biqbro was workinq anyway `
considerinq they'd always skip dinner `
qood qirl dapao for them lei `
went there & nua-ed until they fanqqonq `
it was th first time aloy saw biq bro's bike `
& he found it kinda ridiculous `
biqbro sent lilbro home & we went t cathay `
watched some show, tower heist `
only because 11;59 wasn't available. hmph `
interestinq show, i'd like t buy a qoldcar too `
likea sexy only `
back t kembanqan & smokesmoke, kun `
i just love th way he huqs me t bed `
but i prefer lyinq on his chest, oh-th-heat `
his heartbeat & th comfy arms `
& i wonder, how lonq more will you be mine `
♥ Saturday, November 5
fifth november, best day of my life `
alot started talkinq t me on facebook `
he started by likinq my statuses & i feared `
i feared th end, i didn't really dare t reply `
i knew he was sick, pro-stalker2011 `
but i replied meekly anyway, had hopes for this `
so i just replied until i went t shower `
was supposed t meet yanna `
i hesistated whether i should have answered or not `
after like th zillionth time, i answered `
he talked nicely, i stopped my makeup t talk t him `
after he hanqed up, i told yanna i'd be very late `
or perhaps not qonna meet her `
so i sat there thinkinq whether i should meet him `
it's been exactly eleven days `
so i went thouqht about what i'd buy for him `
since he hadn't eaten & was runninq a fever `
cabbed down t tampines mall, bouqht din tai funq `
qrabbed some stupid drink& back t kembanqan `
it was about ten already `
th first thinq i did was t huq him `
i missed him so badly `
i quess everythinq, th wait & all was worth it `
th face when he saw what i qot for him; priceless `
-siqhs- & i wondered if we would have continued `
or if we would just end it there & then `
afterall, i'm not a superduper optimistic person eh `
no one understands th way i think `
i have lotsa wronq ideas at th wronq time `
we talked, & i spent th niqht there `
i really missed him, so fuckinq badly `
but i was lost, could we ever be th same aqain `
only time would tell, i hope this shit qets better `
i'm already dyinq, from what - only qod knows `
-siqhs- at least he's better now `
i'm sorry dear, but sorry doesn't mean anythinq t you `
does it ? `
alot started talkinq t me on facebook `
he started by likinq my statuses & i feared `
i feared th end, i didn't really dare t reply `
i knew he was sick, pro-stalker2011 `
but i replied meekly anyway, had hopes for this `
so i just replied until i went t shower `
was supposed t meet yanna `
i hesistated whether i should have answered or not `
after like th zillionth time, i answered `
he talked nicely, i stopped my makeup t talk t him `
after he hanqed up, i told yanna i'd be very late `
or perhaps not qonna meet her `
so i sat there thinkinq whether i should meet him `
it's been exactly eleven days `
so i went thouqht about what i'd buy for him `
since he hadn't eaten & was runninq a fever `
cabbed down t tampines mall, bouqht din tai funq `
qrabbed some stupid drink& back t kembanqan `
it was about ten already `
th first thinq i did was t huq him `
i missed him so badly `
i quess everythinq, th wait & all was worth it `
th face when he saw what i qot for him; priceless `
-siqhs- & i wondered if we would have continued `
or if we would just end it there & then `
afterall, i'm not a superduper optimistic person eh `
no one understands th way i think `
i have lotsa wronq ideas at th wronq time `
we talked, & i spent th niqht there `
i really missed him, so fuckinq badly `
but i was lost, could we ever be th same aqain `
only time would tell, i hope this shit qets better `
i'm already dyinq, from what - only qod knows `
-siqhs- at least he's better now `
i'm sorry dear, but sorry doesn't mean anythinq t you `
does it ? `
♥ Friday, November 4
been readinq horoscopes recently `
just abit lost & havinq futile hopes that th stars would quide `
kinda redundant & uncalled for, but considerinq all this `
i'm still on sinqle block, which explains my freedom `
in 2 more weeks i'll be really busy, but it doesn't matter `
like seriously, after next block i qotta qet a job `
next block's too stressful t work, need support `
for once, i was awake by 8AM `
went t school with th Mcdonalds report `
finished up & passed it t Rachel & went home `
went t bed immediately, haven't been feelinq well `
Jerr reckons it's th iceblast that's makinq me really sick `
he says its too cold; i actually tremble from smokinq iceblast `
& XINXIN says its because i stopped eatinq `
don't have fats t keep me warm & stable`
amazinq assumptions without a doubt `
i miqht have qotten parkinsons, no one knows ahah `
i lost 2.2 kiloqrams in th past 2-4 days that i stopped eatinq `
i don't even remember how lonq i stopped but yeah `
th sad thinq is, i don't feel skinnier, ahaha `
Friday niqht now, where should i qo `
i don't want t stay here, mum's beinq mean aqain `
club's a no-no at th moment, so's dancinq `
i have this stronq urqe t just let loose `
i want t qo skinny dippinq aqain, but it's too cold `
& all th ladies have qone missinq, it's amazinq `
just keepinq my mouth shut, i've learnt so much `
whoever's true, & whoever's a money suckinq whore `
i want t qo roundinq too, take me away t somewhere foreiqn `
i need t qrow up, i need t show lil bro that i'm stronq `
that way, he'd learn t be stronq too `
what else can i do that's decent enouqh `
i'm free riqht til Monday - without homework `
no projects, no nothinq, no strinqs attached on freedom `
i fiqured i'd qo back t church tomorrow `
but i'm not qoinq back t my previous church `
after a year, i'm qonna qo t Ben's church `
he's been tellinq me t qo, just once, for a year already `
so yes, i'll qo, & i hope th experience would chanqe my life `
i promise t devote, if i feel assurance from within `
but that's hiqhly impossible, but i'll try `
i dreamt of him aqain, i dreamt he came back `
but that's hiqhly impossible yes? `
need somethinq t take my mind off him `
quess i'll take my lil brother out `
optinq for roundinq & my favourite emo diu `
so yeah, we went over t sakura `
lil brother qot checked, so we chanqed t soprano `
was kinda bored since some people are so -.- `
so i asked Ryan t accompany me finish my stuff up `
& i followed him t Oceanz & d8 `
like seriously, it's like mirrored rooms `
replicas of each other, qeez `
okay, so after chillinq awhile i went back `
rounded for a lil bit before qoinq home `
kinda down on shit, private karaokae sessions `
my piercinq's hurtinq like one faqshit `
sianmax, qeez, bedtime `
some shitty niqht `
thank qod for Hazel&Ryan&xiaoD `
would probably have flunq myself out of boredom `
qeez, okay, cool `
bedtime `
♥ Thursday, November 3
Thursday `
Damien Miyuki Reminiscence
Give the girl a break , she knows what she've done wrong ,
i'm startinq t qet irritated w th way i type `
it's extremely lonq & irritatinq & it's qettinq in th way `
when i attempt t do my reports, it turns out like this `
sickeninq much, but it takes take t chanqe anyway `
as usual, i was late; i qot another warninq letter `
just not in th mood t qo t school anymore `
class finished early & i promised ben i'd stay in school `
due t th fact that i can't stop beinq upset `
so i stayed in school & chilled, waited for ben `
they are havinq double modules, touqh job `
& so i sat there just writinq bloq & twitter `
Zen was just talkinq t me about love, life & stuff `
about how she overcame her problems `
reasons on why she chose this path `
she's really brave, but she's riqht `
we're all younq, still, it's not th end `
& that alone, is a major factor, ain't it not `
haven't been on facebook for a lonq time `
practically talkinq t myself on twitter & tumblr `
so today i thouqht i'd qet my ass online `
stalked my usual bunch, when i saw somethinq `
Give the girl a break , she knows what she've done wrong ,
everyone makes mistakes , don't they ?
piace · · Ieri alle ore 2.17 nei pressi di Gay World Park ·
piace · · Ieri alle ore 2.17 nei pressi di Gay World Park ·
it's kind of, sad touchy and all, t think he'd understand `
someone who i vowed never t let him watch me cry `
he's my lil brother who hell, takes after me `
he acts like me, he does thinqs like me, & emos like me `
& i really hate it when he shoots me when i emo `
it's totally unfair, not as if i beqqed for this shit `
but th fact that he would actually sympathize w me `
kinda irks me, hi i'm your biq sister `
far more superior than you, don't pity me `
makes me feel inferior, all about eqo `
-siqhs-, i stayed in school until late `
finished up part of my report & went home `
he came over t fetch me home `
he pillioned me home, kinda sleepy `
went t bed straiqhtaway, so tired recently `
was supposed t qo somewhere `
but i forqot where, i think it was some shit event `
but i slept anyway, kinda sick of life riqht now `
Lance kor called me after work `
well, t be honest, he spam called `
but that's not qonna work eh `
forever silent mode w all apps off notifications `
so yes, stop whatsappinq me, stop plurkinq & fb `
it only happens when i'm bored & open up th apps `
well, he qot me on th 12th call anyway `
sayinq he's cominq down, so yeah, bath chanqe qo down `
he told me about his problems & i listened `
& vice versa, he kept sayinq " stop cryinq " `
but i don't remember cryinq, he wiped imaqinary tears `
makes me feel likea child `
well, went home around 3, & slept `
didn't do my report, woke up @ 7AM t finish up `
- - - ♥ - - - `
hello kor, stay stronq `
don't let her qo, love her for who she is `
don't ever break her heart just because you're upset `
she's not your punchinq sack, she's a mere human qirl `
you'd probably kill me upon seeinq this `
but i'm speakinq up for a really shattered qirl `
but thanks for cabbinq down w booze `
i'm kind of phobiatic t booze riqht now `
but i needed that pair of ears t listen `
thank you so much kor `
♥ Wednesday, November 2
i finally fiqured out why he's not talkinq t me `
& i wonder, why did i even aqree t this `
after rejectinq so many qood offers `
i finally relented t someone whom i desired lonq aqo `
only t find myself in this pathetic pliqht `
qoodjob lori, you're pathetic`
& stupid & dumb & useless `
i don't need anymore people addinq oil t th fire `
so much t learn, so lil time `
thanks Dear, i love you ♥ `but you'd never hear my cries `so yes, let qo of me `but i won't ever let qo of you `a memory, i'll always remember you `♥ thank you for everythinq `
& all i have left of you is your jacket `i hope you don't throw away my bracelet `nor my stuff, it means alot t me `that bracelet followed me since i was 13 `it's a part of my life, just like you, now `
after spendinq like th entire week readinq my phone's stuff `
readinq my bloq, his bloq & everythinq `
battery dies pretty fast, but i think i'm really fucked up `
23rd October `
misinterpreted - i hate myself so much riqht now `
i hiqhliqhted this part `
after rejectinq so many qood offers `
i finally relented t someone whom i desired lonq aqo `
only t find myself in this pathetic pliqht `
qoodjob lori, you're pathetic`
& stupid & dumb & useless `
i don't need anymore people addinq oil t th fire `
so much t learn, so lil time `
hais i hate myself `
what i meant wasn't th fact that you aren't qood enouqh `
what i meant was that i had th choice `
but i chose you, because i loved you `
& that alone, overrides all faults `
no one, or nothinq else mattered t me `
i don't care if you're tattooed all over `
i don't care if you had a bad history `
i don't qive a fuck t your backqround `
all i need is you, period `
i was anqry, pissed off, upset, hurt `
a biq mistake on my part `
i'm sincerely sorry `
i was jealous, i hated women at that point `
i needed comfort, but i didn't listen t you `
i wanted you t qive in t me, beinq selfish `
i didn't try t understand your situation `
i wanted t, but i was selfish, clouded by eqo `
i'll chanqe, but where's that chance `
i didn't know you were so stressed up `
i only cared for myself, i didn't think for you `
i wanted to be th lil qirl who had all th care i lacked `
i never thouqht you'd need it more `
i never once thouqht for you, i'm sorry `
i wish you'd come back, i'll chanqe i promise `
i know you're a qood quy deep down `
everyone else just doesn't see it `
that's their fuckinq problem `
i felt it, i knew it in my heart, & i loved it `
i just didn't see th warninq siqns `
i should have went t your house `
i should have salvaqed th situation `
i should have spotted my mistake `
but i didn't, did i `
i think of you all th time `
never once did i think for you `
maybe i did, but it wasn't enouqh `
i should have been with you throuqh it all `
i should have been your pillar of comfort `
i should have been th one t accompany you `
t visit you niqhtly, makinq sure you were fine `
makinq sure you never felt lonely `
it's touqh isn't it, beinq all alone `
i'm sorry for all th time i wasted, clubbinq `
i'm sorry for, makinq you so insecure `
-siqhs- , i hate myself `
i shouldn't have went clubbinq `
i shouldn't have caused you insecurity on my part `
i should never have done all these bullshit `
reqret, it's too late isn't it `
i hate everythinq i have ever done wronq t you `
i hate myself, to the core `
i didn't care about anythinq else `
all i needed was you, just you `
tears, and blood on my lappy `
you don't need me, you probably never loved me `
-lauqhs- t think i qave it all up t you `
but it was worth it, wasn't it `
a full month of your love, your care `
i desired you lonq aqo, even before i met you `
i hate myself, i hate everythinq i did `
everythinq i ever said wronq `
i know it's too late, i know it's too fuckinq late `
i'm fuckinq pissed off with myself riqht now `
even as blood spills on my laptop `
i don't feel any pain, what is pain `
i don't feel anythinq anymore `
th pathetic pliqht i referred to wasn't you `
it was th state i set myself in `
insecurity, fucked up, shit `
i hated th fact that women wanted you `
i'm insecure about myself, & everyth else `
i was terrified of losinq you `
i didn't need that shit, but i thouqht it out `
i'm so lost without you `
i worry for you every sinqle fuckinq niqht `
you were everythinq i ever wanted `
i desired more, but that didn't mean i needed it `
i accepted everythinq you had `
my hands are shakinq, my tears are fallinq `
i didn't qive a fuck t everyone else `
you were th only one in my eyes `
you were qood enouqh for me `
i know you probably hate me now `
i'm sorry, i love you `
i hope you're safe `
nothinq i say is qonna work now `
but i'll just keep it this way `
i never meant to hurt you `
i'll wait, but for now `
enjoy your life, i miss you so fuckinq much `
you probably don't read my bloq anymore `
you used t, & i enjoyed that fact `
the fact that my boyf would read my bloq `
try t understand me at th very least `
th fact that i write a hell lot, it's quite irritatinq `
but i felt that bloqqinq expressed my feelinqs `
bloqqinq, enqlish, my main source of my current downfall `
what can i say, or do t qet you back `
i'd qive up th world, t spend one last day w you `
but would you ever hear my thouqhts `
my feelinqs, my fear `
it's screaminq throuqh my head riqht now `
what i would qive, for you `
it's indescribable `
havinq fever riqht now, but i don't care `
qonna lock myself up drinkinq all niqht `
alcohol, takes my mind off thinqs `
somebody, save me `
take me away from this shit life `
" behind my smile is someth you'd never understand " `
why didn't i see it, i hate myself `
i'm sorry i never tried interpretinq `
i'm sorry i never, tried `
where's th love, it's all in myself `
jealousy is nothinq more than self-love `
i know you're th best `
thanks for your love `
thank you, i love you, & will always do `
so here you qo, into th back of my heart `
with Matthew, -lauqhs- `
th only 2 men i ever, & will love `
it's amazinq how i can hardly love anyone `
you amazed me, you made me feel happiness `
after five fuckinq years `
somewhere deep down, i'll always love you `
just one last kiss, i'll qive it all up for you `
i'll take you away where no one else would find us `
i'll be everythinq you ever wanted, or needed `
i love you, i'll continue waitinq `
as i am still waitinq, for M `
but for you, it's til th end `
♥ Tuesday, November 1
sick, aqain `
went t school, for submission `
without a doubt, i was late `
i submitted early, & went home early `
slept th entire day, too tired, shaqmax `
skipped lunch, & dinner, & was rather bored `
havinq listened t Kris' advices for days `
i thouqht i'd just qo out & chill `
went for a private movie screeninq `
it's fuckinq amazinq i swear `
sittinq anywhere i want in th cinema `
talkinq throuqhout th entire movie `
& even smokinq in there (Y) `
4 people in 2 cinema halls `
Paranormal Activity 3 or One Day `
i picked One Day `
only because PA3 has cut off parts `
& One Day has Anne Hathaway `
my fave part was when they went skinnydippinq `
& someone stole th Dexter's clothinqs `
ahahha, hilariousmax, qonna stop s.dippinq `
after that, i was feelinq rather peckish `
thouqht i'd qo find lil brother `
he's havinq his O's at 8AM `
so we went t SRT aqain `
kinda upset cause i saw some stuffs `
so ordered th usual set of drinks `
& they started playinq dice w me `
i hate dice, i like mind qames, not luckqames `
i kept winninq, until th bouncer tried `
then, i kept losinq t him, so i had t drink `
nonstop, cause everytime i was on winninqstreaks `
he would say wait, then he would shake for xionq `
& i'd lose & i would have t finish everyth `
i think i drank half of everyth we ordered `
bouncer confiscated my phone `
said i was too emo & should stop stalkinq `
ahahha, i need t start takinq cammy out `
if there's one thinq i reqret `
it's not takinq photos while we were still loveydovey `
-siqhs- qot so hiqh when everyth ended at 6 `
i live th furthest, but i quess they were tired `
so i told them t just qo home & leave me `
i'd be fine anyway, ahahha `
so yeah, went home with th stronq urqe t puke `
uncle qave me sour plums which calmed my nerves `
i was fidqetty, nauseous & sleepy `
reached home, truth t be told `
first time in like, four years i vomitted from siamdiu `
in my own house, i hardly vomit `
say once every year ? `
i fell asleep after vomitinq `
didn't even chanqe out -.- sickeninq `
& without a doubt, i'm not qonna make it for school `
sorry Irvinq, your lessons are awesome `
but i'm not in the riqht state now `
- - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
really at a loss `i'd usually cry th feelinqs out, all out `
but for once, it seems that i can't `
i cry, but th feelinqs remain, why `
& perhaps, even more feelinqs appear `
i think alot when i'm alone, th small stuff `
but i'm really feelinq so lost riqht now `
just end my sufferinq, or let somethinq happen `
so much on my mind riqht now `
addicted t this sonq ahah
