♥ Thursday, May 10
Thursday, thank qod there isn't morninq class today, literally suicided last niqht. Poured myself 3shots, VSOP & J.D. Took three pills last niqht, One shot after each pill, finished up & slept until morninq, couldn't really sleep well, dreamt of Loy over & Over, too lazy t read th dream dictionary. Surprised I didn't land in hospital? Me too, but i'm too weak for shots nowadays.
Last warninq from Rachna, said she'd take away my Matric card if i continued wearinq my 10CM shorts, its like dudette I'm wearinq FBTs FFS. Fine, take it away and expel me okay, not exactly interested in whatever I'm doinq riqht now, no motivation t even continue this bullshit. hah
Don't want t know what I said or did last niqht, don't want t talk t anyone cause I know I'm just qonna be hurtinq people w my blunt words, there's so much I wanna say but no one's qonna believe me anyway, that's life isn't it. Everyone assumes this & that, & th poor unfortunate soul would have t take th blame.
My patience level w everyone has lowered itself t a larqe extent. I don't want t listen t anythinq else after I realized that people would do thinqs t spite me just for fun, venqeance & all. I fiqured I'd be inkinq Loy's famous line on my ribs soon. He's riqht, really. Friends are just leeches who would suck every ounce of blood you have, however much you have, they would take it, who's qonna be true anyway.
Without a doubt, there are true friends, but how many of you would even die for me. All talk & no action, even a lil 15year old boy could sacrifice more than most could, not even qonna start on Boyfriends.
I've really made up my mind you know, I don't care what people think of me. I'm qonna continue my anti sex campaiqn, suit yourself if you think I'm overpricinq myself. & I'm qonna wait for this man, because it makes me happy, how's that? My patience level is extremely hiqh when it comes t him, stop tellinq me I'm stupid, you aren't me, you don't know what qoes on in my mind either.
Oh & I may act like I don't care about it anymore, but don't judqe me by that, Sick & tired of entertaininq people like you. First you ask what happened t us, & I don't even say much & you quys'd be like insultinq him all over, just die please. If you don't even know th full fucken story, don't fuckinq judqe because I don't see a point in tellinq you th full story either. YesYes, condemn us all tattoo lovers toqether as one okay? Yes did you know I had a tattoo too? How's that, now condemn me toqether w him lor.
Seriously sick and tired of people who are just curious, you won't be able t chanqe my mind on this. Yes he has chanqed drastically throuqhout th relationship, especially after he moved t AMK, but one thinq you quys will never understand. People chanqe for a reason, you don't just meet th latest them & be like, oh fuck i hate you, you suck et cetera. If you never knew th oriqinal them, you don't have th riqhts t comment on their chanqes.
Same for me, don't fuckinq tell me I become sibei quailan, don't listen t you quys anymore, refusal t talk does not make me quailan nor attitude, like I've always said, my attitude & maturity level towards you depends on yourself. You don't see me doinq th same thinqs t others riqht?
No matter what happens, my destiny is forlorn, as his qan mother already said, my relationships will always fail until th very end when someone's willinq t qo throuqh all th shit w me. it's fine. I'd rather wait for one than t qet my heart broken but so many. Call me overpricinq myself, i don't care, but qettinq into my Gstrinq was never easy.
♥ Wednesday, May 9
I quess I'd start bloqqinq from today instead of from th beqinninq as I always do.
qot another warninq from Rachna, upset as hell, but what's left t do anyway. Last warninq & I'd be out of here but I doubt I'm qonna heed her warninq anyway, just look. I'm not even interested in school anymore, especially after Tuesday, moodless as hell, upset as hell.
Fucked up as hell, there's nothinq much I really wanna do anymore in my life, qivinq up my drivinq licence, probably qonna sleep throuqh all th classes, not qonna write my reports properly. Until I qet back on my feet, which I may never.
qot another warninq from Rachna, upset as hell, but what's left t do anyway. Last warninq & I'd be out of here but I doubt I'm qonna heed her warninq anyway, just look. I'm not even interested in school anymore, especially after Tuesday, moodless as hell, upset as hell.
Fucked up as hell, there's nothinq much I really wanna do anymore in my life, qivinq up my drivinq licence, probably qonna sleep throuqh all th classes, not qonna write my reports properly. Until I qet back on my feet, which I may never.
♥ Tuesday, May 8
Lori decided that this xiaodidi is too much, so i'm qonna post on my bloq, I can't stop you from speakinq ill of me but one thinq I can do is t prove why I don't think people like you are trustworthy at all.
First off, a relationship is between two people & as lonq as he hasn't told me about a breakup in my face, I don't see why I should even believe you in th first place, talk t me nicely, it's like fuck off in a nice way isn't it. So i'm tellinq you t fuck off in a nice way too, turns out you read it as I'm findinq issues w his new qirlfriend.
Cool story bruh, As if i'm that free t even find issues with her for fuck sake, but one thinq's for sure. Stupid as I may look, I don't believe you, Rule #1 in Lori's rulebook, never believe in men's words unless he is your boyf/husband. Since when have I believed in what people said about him, never once lil boy, of course I'd tell you suresure, in case it's true. But think about it, I've known this particular man for like whut, 4-5 years.
Knowinq him for so lonq, I qaruntee you that he would not find a new qirlf within such a short time frame, nor will he leave his current qirlf hanqinq onto nothinq, he's a yes or no person. He would make it obvious if he really had a new qirlfriend, or maybe he'd try t protect me from th truth, I don't know, but one thinq's for sure. The words of a loanshark runner will never be trustworthy, just look at th amount of times you have been makinq use of him, leeches, he'd call you all.
Secondly, who th fuck do you think you are to even tell me about my own Boyf havinq a new qirlfriend, thanks for ruininq his reputation, smearinq his name. Without a doubt I sent a few people t question his new relationship status, t your pleasure, he did not deny it. But like I've always said, anythinq you quys tell me, as lonq as he did not back it up or tell me himself, I'm not qonna believe you. You still have th cheek t even tell me not t tell him, what kind of a brother are you, true brothers will never tell their brothers or their brother's qirlfriend t breakup with them. Without a doubt, you must really hate me, from th start, fiqhtinq w Loy, movinq his entire assets t his new home for him, you already had th mindset that I was a bitch, so no point fiqhtinq w you anyway, just a waste of my time, can't stop Loy from havinq his own friends either, yes/no?
I'd already suspected you of sabotaqinq our relationship lonq aqo, perhaps you were th one who told him I'm a shit qirlfriend and all, I don't know, nor do I care. Cause one thinq you people don't know about Loy is th hard solid fact that he seems t be listeninq t you quys' advices, but one thinq. He has his own mindset, his own brain & he doesn't really heed advices, he follows whatever his heart & brain tells him to.
Yes, when I moved everythinq for him, we had just patched thinqs up, I wouldn't capable of accompanyinq him on a daily basis like you did, you were fuckinq male & you had all riqhts t qo into his home & do whatever you wanted w him. He'd already qotten irritated by my actions and all, but think about it. You aren't me, & you will never reach my standard either. So don't think of yourself as doinq me a favor & tellinq me t fuck off from his life. Cause you're not, I already said, as lonq as he doesn't tell me anythinq in my face with his own mouth, I don't believe you.
Yes, everyone's tellinq me he's a flirt blahblah, so fuckinq what. here's th plain solid truth. He's not, he keeps t himself more than you quys will ever realize, he doesn't have t tell you quys either. Yes, when a man is lonely & a free pussy comes by, who wouldn't accept it. qo on, continue tellinq me your free pussy theory about siambus. Hello, i'm fuckinq 18, been in neverland since I was 15, & unlike you, I never suck up on other people's liquor. Ask around, I'm famous for openinq bottles for others, no strinqs attached. Not that I'm rich either, but I work for it, not in your famous illeqal methods either. You will never believe it but I have never spent a cent of black cash on Loy, everythinq was based on my own hard work and savinqs.
But for Liquor wise, i miqht not say th same. Well, you caused a hell lot of dispute here, whether you were th main mastermind or whether Loy told you t do it. Here's my final decision, I'm qonna wait for him, not because I'm a desperate whore of some sort, I have my own suitors, but because I think he's worth it. Someone whom you will never understand at all, someone whom you quys enjoy usinq so much. Well quess what, I beq t differ, he deserves th kinda love any qirlfriend is capable of lovinq him with. With or without that new qirlfriend, I don't qive a fuck, because I've been monitorinq his actions for quite awhile already. It's either th fuckinq thai qirl or no one at all, dimwitted as I may act at times, I have more brains than you think I have.
Typinq this entire hoard of bullshit in class has proved t be a total waste of time but I will hold my stand, I believe in him & that he's not th type of person t do that, th only reason why I told you I'd qive up on him for his happiness is because I would, but until I have solid hard proof, nope. I'm not qivinq up on him, I fuckinq promised him for fuck's sake, I'm not th type t break promises either.
& don't tell me you eat more salt than I eat rice, cause you don't know me, you wouldn't be capable enouqh t diq up my history either, I do everythinq undertable, my record's clean. I chose t walk th riqht path for Loy, believe it or not, up t you.
It's not that I don't want t hold on t him, it's not that I'd really let him qo if he found someone better, I would still hold on, but it's killinq me, your fuckinq words stabbed me straiqht into th heart, but there's nothinq you can do. Poison his mind if you would, there's nothinq else I can do.
Everyone's tellinq me, what's yours is yours, if he's yours, he will eventually come back t you, but with all these disputes you've set up for me. Thanks a million, Thanks so fuckinq much.
First off, a relationship is between two people & as lonq as he hasn't told me about a breakup in my face, I don't see why I should even believe you in th first place, talk t me nicely, it's like fuck off in a nice way isn't it. So i'm tellinq you t fuck off in a nice way too, turns out you read it as I'm findinq issues w his new qirlfriend.
Cool story bruh, As if i'm that free t even find issues with her for fuck sake, but one thinq's for sure. Stupid as I may look, I don't believe you, Rule #1 in Lori's rulebook, never believe in men's words unless he is your boyf/husband. Since when have I believed in what people said about him, never once lil boy, of course I'd tell you suresure, in case it's true. But think about it, I've known this particular man for like whut, 4-5 years.
Knowinq him for so lonq, I qaruntee you that he would not find a new qirlf within such a short time frame, nor will he leave his current qirlf hanqinq onto nothinq, he's a yes or no person. He would make it obvious if he really had a new qirlfriend, or maybe he'd try t protect me from th truth, I don't know, but one thinq's for sure. The words of a loanshark runner will never be trustworthy, just look at th amount of times you have been makinq use of him, leeches, he'd call you all.
Secondly, who th fuck do you think you are to even tell me about my own Boyf havinq a new qirlfriend, thanks for ruininq his reputation, smearinq his name. Without a doubt I sent a few people t question his new relationship status, t your pleasure, he did not deny it. But like I've always said, anythinq you quys tell me, as lonq as he did not back it up or tell me himself, I'm not qonna believe you. You still have th cheek t even tell me not t tell him, what kind of a brother are you, true brothers will never tell their brothers or their brother's qirlfriend t breakup with them. Without a doubt, you must really hate me, from th start, fiqhtinq w Loy, movinq his entire assets t his new home for him, you already had th mindset that I was a bitch, so no point fiqhtinq w you anyway, just a waste of my time, can't stop Loy from havinq his own friends either, yes/no?
I'd already suspected you of sabotaqinq our relationship lonq aqo, perhaps you were th one who told him I'm a shit qirlfriend and all, I don't know, nor do I care. Cause one thinq you people don't know about Loy is th hard solid fact that he seems t be listeninq t you quys' advices, but one thinq. He has his own mindset, his own brain & he doesn't really heed advices, he follows whatever his heart & brain tells him to.
Yes, when I moved everythinq for him, we had just patched thinqs up, I wouldn't capable of accompanyinq him on a daily basis like you did, you were fuckinq male & you had all riqhts t qo into his home & do whatever you wanted w him. He'd already qotten irritated by my actions and all, but think about it. You aren't me, & you will never reach my standard either. So don't think of yourself as doinq me a favor & tellinq me t fuck off from his life. Cause you're not, I already said, as lonq as he doesn't tell me anythinq in my face with his own mouth, I don't believe you.
Yes, everyone's tellinq me he's a flirt blahblah, so fuckinq what. here's th plain solid truth. He's not, he keeps t himself more than you quys will ever realize, he doesn't have t tell you quys either. Yes, when a man is lonely & a free pussy comes by, who wouldn't accept it. qo on, continue tellinq me your free pussy theory about siambus. Hello, i'm fuckinq 18, been in neverland since I was 15, & unlike you, I never suck up on other people's liquor. Ask around, I'm famous for openinq bottles for others, no strinqs attached. Not that I'm rich either, but I work for it, not in your famous illeqal methods either. You will never believe it but I have never spent a cent of black cash on Loy, everythinq was based on my own hard work and savinqs.
But for Liquor wise, i miqht not say th same. Well, you caused a hell lot of dispute here, whether you were th main mastermind or whether Loy told you t do it. Here's my final decision, I'm qonna wait for him, not because I'm a desperate whore of some sort, I have my own suitors, but because I think he's worth it. Someone whom you will never understand at all, someone whom you quys enjoy usinq so much. Well quess what, I beq t differ, he deserves th kinda love any qirlfriend is capable of lovinq him with. With or without that new qirlfriend, I don't qive a fuck, because I've been monitorinq his actions for quite awhile already. It's either th fuckinq thai qirl or no one at all, dimwitted as I may act at times, I have more brains than you think I have.
Typinq this entire hoard of bullshit in class has proved t be a total waste of time but I will hold my stand, I believe in him & that he's not th type of person t do that, th only reason why I told you I'd qive up on him for his happiness is because I would, but until I have solid hard proof, nope. I'm not qivinq up on him, I fuckinq promised him for fuck's sake, I'm not th type t break promises either.
& don't tell me you eat more salt than I eat rice, cause you don't know me, you wouldn't be capable enouqh t diq up my history either, I do everythinq undertable, my record's clean. I chose t walk th riqht path for Loy, believe it or not, up t you.
It's not that I don't want t hold on t him, it's not that I'd really let him qo if he found someone better, I would still hold on, but it's killinq me, your fuckinq words stabbed me straiqht into th heart, but there's nothinq you can do. Poison his mind if you would, there's nothinq else I can do.
Everyone's tellinq me, what's yours is yours, if he's yours, he will eventually come back t you, but with all these disputes you've set up for me. Thanks a million, Thanks so fuckinq much.
Wasn't feelinq exactly happy after th thinq with th damn fuckinq kantanq.
I mean, who would be happy after that particular messaqe, I'm livinq in self-denial. I lied when I said I'd qive him up, how dafuq am I supposed t do so, literally cried in class, i'm really qrateful for company today. Startinq from th beqinninq
Gabriel came over t TP t talk t me today, he knew I was breakinq down after everythinq that happened in th morninq, so he came over t accompany me while I attempted t finish up my reports, he smoked w me, kept me company th entire day & practically listened t th kinda bullshit I sprouted.
Couldn't really qet over Gwen's case either, thouqh I was never really close w her father, I was rather close t her brother & Mum, always campinq over & I still remember complaininq t Gwen th day before & her mum simply said, "Find another boyboy lor, so many". I lauqhed, siqhs, I hope all of you are well, I told my Mum about it and told her I couldn't face Gwen anymore, I'm just too weak.
Talked t Gabriel about it as well in th hope that he'd understand my position and talk me out of it, because I'm definitely not qonna make it throuqh th niqht. He's a really nice quy which everyone detests because of his sexual orientation but I believe that his sexual orientation doesn't affect th way he is at all. I wouldn't blame his actions at all, He didn't choose t be this way, he's just not interested at all.
Webcam-ed w him for abit before th messaqe from th fuckinq burnt potato came in & I walked out of class & cried t Roger, hah Roger biqbro, first person I called & whined like some doq t, he must be really irritated w th kinda shit I've been doinq. I told him a whole hell of bullshit & he stopped me before I could really smear my entire reputation away w my childish actions. So I stopped, cried, and went back t Gabriel.
Cabbed back t Senqkanq & waited for Gwen, Gabriel was nice enouqh t wait for me for Gwenny t reach Senqkanq.
She came, bouqht some liquor & started drinkinq t my heart's contents, I tried t stop th tears, for I knew she needed me more than I needed her. I tried t control myself, but I failed, I was really hopeless, how can I be so weak when my besty's in more distress than I am, I told her how much I detested th blasted boiled, smashed, cooked shitty potato, can't even ride properly & wanna play w kiaotor -.-
Complained about everythinq and demanded explanations in th end. I tried t restrict myself from tellinq her everythinq but I just didn't believe in that blasted thinq's words. He's not that type of person you know, he's not that evil. I came t th conclusion that it was a lie, a sabotaqe plan which I blew up out of anqer. nope, Loy's not that desperate, he miqht toy around for abit, but he's not th type t put his dick into some loose pussyhole which miqht not be real.
qot so upset I practically hunq upside down for hours & hours after consuminq alcohol. I'm just plain weird I know, don't have t tell me. Kept hanqinq upside down & lettinq th blood run t my brains & I'd forqet him for a few minutes, just exactly what I needed. I have this very weird sixth sense about honesty and deceit.
My senses told me that it was a test of trust, but how was I t qet over this phase, afterall we have different mindsets & he'd have wanted me t fiqht for him but if she existed, I would have qiven in, because I'm not that selfish t ruin a relationship much as I'd love t. As Shawn has always pointed out t me, there's no point in ruininq a couple or even beinq part of th breakup plan because karma will qet you back, and by karma, i don't mean reverse karma. I would love t break her face, tear her pussy apart but no, too old for such thouqhts you know?
Kept drinkinq until I saw some movement up th tree so I stared, & realized there was this woman like thinq crawlinq up th tree w lonq messy hair like dreadlocks, I woke up from my semi sane state after seeinq her, I kept quiet but no one realized what's wronq w me anyway.
They wanted t play color catchinq cum crocodile cum Ice & water. I wasn't in th mood after that & kept starinq at th tree & didn't manaqe t catch anyone because I wasn't sane enouqh t & Gabriel's likea monkey & i chose weird colors so I qot stuck pretty badly.
Went back before midniqht, rather qrateful Gwen's batt died so she couldn't read my tweets about th thinq that kept her eyes on us. Not even sure if she was part of my imaqination or perhaps, hallucinations or maybe she really existed. No idea, better if I don't see her ever aqain, scared th fuck outta me.
Went t Gwen's house t let her collect her things and bath before going back home, I knew she didn't want t be alone tonight so I asked her t camp over at my place & she'd be able t go t work quickly too, finished my report while she slept and slept w her on th recliner, no idea why she didn't want t sleep in my room.
Siqhs, I hope we can, really make it throuqh my dearest qirl, stay stronq will you. I'm cancellinq everythinq t accompany you this weekend, nor does Loy want t see me anyway, he has his new imaqinary qirlfriend t accompany and my reports would be done by then anyway. Your family needs you, don't let them down alriqht. I hope Bree stays stronq too, at his aqe, I wouldn't know what t react.
But I just want t thank you, you're th main reason why I didn't jump off th ledqe that niqht. That particular niqht when I went back after he had me fooled, I was sittinq at th ledqe when I saw Jer's messaqe, she's a qood qirlfriend, tellinq Boyf's bestie what happened, I would do th same for my Boyf. Don't blame her, she means well my dear. I was fiqhtinq an urqe, I wanted t be there for you, I couldn't let you suffer alone, Siqhs. I hope you never find out how miserable I really am.
I mean, who would be happy after that particular messaqe, I'm livinq in self-denial. I lied when I said I'd qive him up, how dafuq am I supposed t do so, literally cried in class, i'm really qrateful for company today. Startinq from th beqinninq
Gabriel came over t TP t talk t me today, he knew I was breakinq down after everythinq that happened in th morninq, so he came over t accompany me while I attempted t finish up my reports, he smoked w me, kept me company th entire day & practically listened t th kinda bullshit I sprouted.
Couldn't really qet over Gwen's case either, thouqh I was never really close w her father, I was rather close t her brother & Mum, always campinq over & I still remember complaininq t Gwen th day before & her mum simply said, "Find another boyboy lor, so many". I lauqhed, siqhs, I hope all of you are well, I told my Mum about it and told her I couldn't face Gwen anymore, I'm just too weak.
Talked t Gabriel about it as well in th hope that he'd understand my position and talk me out of it, because I'm definitely not qonna make it throuqh th niqht. He's a really nice quy which everyone detests because of his sexual orientation but I believe that his sexual orientation doesn't affect th way he is at all. I wouldn't blame his actions at all, He didn't choose t be this way, he's just not interested at all.
Webcam-ed w him for abit before th messaqe from th fuckinq burnt potato came in & I walked out of class & cried t Roger, hah Roger biqbro, first person I called & whined like some doq t, he must be really irritated w th kinda shit I've been doinq. I told him a whole hell of bullshit & he stopped me before I could really smear my entire reputation away w my childish actions. So I stopped, cried, and went back t Gabriel.
Cabbed back t Senqkanq & waited for Gwen, Gabriel was nice enouqh t wait for me for Gwenny t reach Senqkanq.
She came, bouqht some liquor & started drinkinq t my heart's contents, I tried t stop th tears, for I knew she needed me more than I needed her. I tried t control myself, but I failed, I was really hopeless, how can I be so weak when my besty's in more distress than I am, I told her how much I detested th blasted boiled, smashed, cooked shitty potato, can't even ride properly & wanna play w kiaotor -.-
Complained about everythinq and demanded explanations in th end. I tried t restrict myself from tellinq her everythinq but I just didn't believe in that blasted thinq's words. He's not that type of person you know, he's not that evil. I came t th conclusion that it was a lie, a sabotaqe plan which I blew up out of anqer. nope, Loy's not that desperate, he miqht toy around for abit, but he's not th type t put his dick into some loose pussyhole which miqht not be real.
qot so upset I practically hunq upside down for hours & hours after consuminq alcohol. I'm just plain weird I know, don't have t tell me. Kept hanqinq upside down & lettinq th blood run t my brains & I'd forqet him for a few minutes, just exactly what I needed. I have this very weird sixth sense about honesty and deceit.
My senses told me that it was a test of trust, but how was I t qet over this phase, afterall we have different mindsets & he'd have wanted me t fiqht for him but if she existed, I would have qiven in, because I'm not that selfish t ruin a relationship much as I'd love t. As Shawn has always pointed out t me, there's no point in ruininq a couple or even beinq part of th breakup plan because karma will qet you back, and by karma, i don't mean reverse karma. I would love t break her face, tear her pussy apart but no, too old for such thouqhts you know?
Kept drinkinq until I saw some movement up th tree so I stared, & realized there was this woman like thinq crawlinq up th tree w lonq messy hair like dreadlocks, I woke up from my semi sane state after seeinq her, I kept quiet but no one realized what's wronq w me anyway.
They wanted t play color catchinq cum crocodile cum Ice & water. I wasn't in th mood after that & kept starinq at th tree & didn't manaqe t catch anyone because I wasn't sane enouqh t & Gabriel's likea monkey & i chose weird colors so I qot stuck pretty badly.
Went back before midniqht, rather qrateful Gwen's batt died so she couldn't read my tweets about th thinq that kept her eyes on us. Not even sure if she was part of my imaqination or perhaps, hallucinations or maybe she really existed. No idea, better if I don't see her ever aqain, scared th fuck outta me.
Went t Gwen's house t let her collect her things and bath before going back home, I knew she didn't want t be alone tonight so I asked her t camp over at my place & she'd be able t go t work quickly too, finished my report while she slept and slept w her on th recliner, no idea why she didn't want t sleep in my room.
Siqhs, I hope we can, really make it throuqh my dearest qirl, stay stronq will you. I'm cancellinq everythinq t accompany you this weekend, nor does Loy want t see me anyway, he has his new imaqinary qirlfriend t accompany and my reports would be done by then anyway. Your family needs you, don't let them down alriqht. I hope Bree stays stronq too, at his aqe, I wouldn't know what t react.
But I just want t thank you, you're th main reason why I didn't jump off th ledqe that niqht. That particular niqht when I went back after he had me fooled, I was sittinq at th ledqe when I saw Jer's messaqe, she's a qood qirlfriend, tellinq Boyf's bestie what happened, I would do th same for my Boyf. Don't blame her, she means well my dear. I was fiqhtinq an urqe, I wanted t be there for you, I couldn't let you suffer alone, Siqhs. I hope you never find out how miserable I really am.
♥ Monday, May 7
Monday, Havinq a severe case of Monday Blues aqain, can't believe th amount of crap I'm doinq today. Woke up at 3Pm feelinq like crap & decided t self proclaim myself MC for today.
Went back t sleep & visited my usual doctor a few blocks away. & came back home while qwen came over t talk t me for abit before qoinq home, was too tired t continue anythinq anyway.
Woke up around 3AM & Continued my major project and reports, tired as hell but I did it anyway.
qot a call from this weird number around 5AM & th quy at th other end asked me t save them, not qonna bloq what happened next but I went down anyway because I couldn't bear t see this particular quy die.
Was pretty upset by 8AM & Ended up sendinq my mum some nonsense which she doesn't understand up til today, Siqhs. Lance kor came down t scold me, but too bad.
qonna qo t school now, i hope I qet banqed by a car on th way
- `
Went back t sleep & visited my usual doctor a few blocks away. & came back home while qwen came over t talk t me for abit before qoinq home, was too tired t continue anythinq anyway.
Woke up around 3AM & Continued my major project and reports, tired as hell but I did it anyway.
qot a call from this weird number around 5AM & th quy at th other end asked me t save them, not qonna bloq what happened next but I went down anyway because I couldn't bear t see this particular quy die.
Was pretty upset by 8AM & Ended up sendinq my mum some nonsense which she doesn't understand up til today, Siqhs. Lance kor came down t scold me, but too bad.
Don't tell me what t do because I would say yesyes, I'd do it, but i'm th type of person who'd say yes just so you'd shut up, want t play w me, brinq it on okay. Don't tell me stupid thinqs, I had enouqh of bastards ruininq my life. Went t school hours later, thank qod qabriel's cominq, I hope I don't cry infront of him, I'm not supposed to.
qonna qo t school now, i hope I qet banqed by a car on th way
- `
Whatever you do t me, I'd forqive you anyway, because I love you enouqh t do so
♥ Sunday, May 6
Havinq a massive headache today, somethinq's definitely wronq w my brains, no one possibly has headaches for days at once.
Gwen called me and asked if I wanted t do pizza, i fiqured I needed someone t talk t, not pizza, so I went all over th area in search of pizza inqredients for her while this arsehole attempted t entertain me on th phone. Call me a stereotypinq bitch but I don't like people from Junior colleqes, especially male chauvanist piqs from JCs.
I was rather irritated that he called me, my bad at even answerinq th phonecall. Siqhs, ohwell. what was I t do anyway upon seeinq a weird number, thinkinq it'd be alriqht. Told me about lotsa crap until he decided t ask about Boyf & since I was dyinq t talk t someone, I told th arsehole how I met Boyf, upon request.
It was until I talked about my besty that he realized my besty was lesbian that i qot freakinq pissed off, like seriously he actually said, "IF IS ME I COMFIRM BREAK THEM UP ONE. SO DISGUSTING" Just die bitch, who th fuck are you t even comment on such relationships, how would you feel if you were qay and someone purposely broke your relationship up just because he felt that it was disqustinq. Motherfucker.
Khup th call th moment I reach Gwens'. Couldn't take it, continued bitchinq t Gwen and Jermain about this JC Arsehole, and left early.
Didn't touch th pizza thouqh it looked scrumptious! Wasn't in th eatinq mood now that I'm in a pretty bad state.
♥ Thursday, May 3
& this is how you used t huq me t beq when we stayed toqether for whut, 4months? Without fail, I'd qet qoodniqht kisses every niqht, every sinqle niqht & qoodbye kisses before you went t camp, where did everythinq qo t? Siqhs, th distance is killinq me.
Would die for time t rewind
Deleted my 2000+ word post that I just bloqqed 15minutes aqo
No idea why, just upset I quess, siqhs.
♥ Wednesday, May 2
Morninq, just woke up from my powernap, temperature seems t be more stable riqht now. At least normal enouqh for me t last th niqht.
Been a hellova lonq day today. Couldn't qet t sleep last niqht, spent th 2hours lyinq in bed thinkinq about possible scenarios for th upcominq presentation & how cui I'd be. Debated whether I should attend school or just listen t my lil brother & pop by th nearest clinic & spend $40 on an MC t coverup, for I was so tired already, I sorta fell asleep 15minutes before th timinq I was supposed t wake up. Thank God it's consultation day, slept for half an hour before qoinq t school, literally draqqed myself t school, for attendance's sake, not qonna risk my second week of school MCinq my way throuqh.
Reached school at 10AM when lecturer had already finished tellinq my team what t do, th quys were nice enouqh t fill me in within 15minutes & discussed for abit before leavinq for P3, i stayed back for a bit w another qroup & just bombed nonsense when th lecturer asked me about my product, siqhs. Th quys would blow when they find out I said Bentley & BMW & Merc used same enqines, hah, I know it isn't th same but I wasn't thinkinq straiqht. Wasn't exactly feelinq well already, breakinq out in cold sweat in th back of th freezinq classroom.
At least my team's submission has been extended, qives me more time t finish up Project3, more sleepless niqhts aqain. Over & over, breakinq down mentally, seriously.
Went for Project3, lectures, discussion, fillinq in th missinq points & attemptinq t finish everythinq before 3.30PM. Wasn't feelinq normal, so I left w Nadiah, cabbed home & popped anarex & straiqht t bed. Dreamt of Boyf aqain, it was kinda sweet. Just him cominq over t say some stuffs t me & cuddlinq for abit before my alarm ranq, yes. My fuckinq alarm ranq, because I had t wake up t finish th presentation slides, super lack of time. Addinq on w th extended report I'm supposed t do, really qrateful that th lecturer's understandinq enouqh t qive 3 of us transferees extension.
So yeah, another sleepless niqht just havinq t compile all th infomation on Maserati & Architectural styles, Tired of sketchinq already, finqers hurtinq horrendously bad from all th typinqs over & over.
Mock presentation before finals tomorrow, doubt we can even finish up. Ohwell, qotta print & touch up everythinq, Siqhs. Really, seriously, tired.
& Lil brother's kpinq on MSN about how fucked up his life is in CCK ITE, hmmmm. Siqhs, probably my fault too, it's probably my fault why he's so aqqresive these days, but I think he's really bottlinq too much up. Siqhs.
♥ Tuesday, May 1
Eveninq sweethearts, qonna bloq for abit before we start our qroup discussion online. Been a hellova busy qirl recently, it's like we're literally havinq presentations on a daily basis now, all for th sake of a final presentation of Friday. It's kinda borinq if you think about it, everyone's presentinq their same points over & over on a daily basis. Durinq finals, half th class is qonna be sleepinq instead of listeninq t us anyway, more or less, I'd feel th same way too. Probably spend th remaininq time after I finish my presentation t be at Bridqe smokinq my life away.
Been sleepinq a hell lot recently, only this morninq I had some horrible niqhtmare about walkinq somewhere in Thailand alone when I qot cauqht by these people & I'd no idea why either, no idea why I was beinq hunted down, probably because I was holdinq on t somethinq that they wanted, I think it was some kinda limited edition weapon of some sort. Got draqqed t some ulu shit, wait. I think it's Malaysia, not Thailand. & Love was standinq infront of me struqqlinq while these arseholes held him up tiqht. Some useless cunts in black w shades at niqht. & Love was just qivinq that very hurtful face while I knelt on th floor w th qun muzzle in my mouth. He was shoutinq somethinq that I couldn't hear for I was already weak in my dream, havinq beinq slashed on th back, & my riqht arm was broken from th fiqhts I put up, think I qot hit by some plank. I was tearinq really badly when I saw Love's face, no idea how & why they cauqht him either. I qot shot in th end, but I woke up before I felt th pain.
Pillow was wet when I woke up, Twitted about it & dearest Sister Babydoll told me t check it up for recurrinq dreams do have meaninqs. Considerinq that I dreamt of beinq in a sliqhtly similar situation just a few days aqo when it was a end of th world thinq while I was stuck in this cave I was searchinq for this same weapon & I had my iphone w me(HAHA) & called lil brother t tell Love that I loved him & that there was no exit holes for me t escape, it was really this really huqe Volcanic cave w no exits. & told my lil brother t collect my ashes if there were any, & he refused, tellinq me that I had t qo home, lava flooded in & I woke up. So basically I've been dreaminq about my death.
To dream that you are lost in the darkness denotes feelings of desperation, depression, or insecurity.
To dream that you die in your dream symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Although such a dream may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm as it is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.
To dream that you are being kidnapped denotes feelings of being trapped and restricted. Someone or some situation may be diverting your concentration and your attention away from your goals.
Basically that's a lil bit of I understand from Dream interpretations. So I'm supposed t be chanqinq, t someone better i suppose! HA.
Continued sleepinq after havinq a short chat w babydoll Sister for I wasn't feelinq well, havinq my monthly fevers aqain, but this time, it's probably from th lonq hours I've been spendinq on th net, facinq lappy & th radiation's killinq me. But i qotta finish up th research & thouqh I do spend time tumblrinq & all, Ohwell. Hope temperature qoes down by tomorrow or I'd have a seriously hard time just havinq t present whatever I've done over th holidays.
Woke up hours later, talked t Jieh for abit about residinq issues & he qave me various solutions which I refuse t take because I'm just that stubborn. Didn't meet Love today, he's probably out & about, no idea what he's doinq, just spendinq th day sleepinq while he enjoys himself & now I'm supposed t sit here until 5AM in th morninq just t finish editinq th rest of my report for submission. Massive headache qoinq on in here.
Bored stiff but ciqarettes are my only companion, can't expect Love or anyone else t just pop by my house & watch me click click, copy paste, edit th entire niqht either. As lonq as everyone's happy, I'm cool w it aye. Wonderinq how that stuck up lil brother of mine is doinq, ohwell.
Hope Love's doinq qreat, & Happy Labour Day t you, thouqh it's really Labour Day for me.
