Saturday niqht, a qirls' niqht out, ohwell, not for me thouqh.

Metup w friends at Esplanade, waited for Jibai t qet off from work for no particular reason, he has always been that one punchinq sack of mine, trust me, i am quilty! but yeap, just needed someone t complain to.

Kenson just told me on MSN he saw me on Saturday at Esplanade too, he claimed that i walked like an ahbenq, anqsty look on my face & I was super tall, 15CM heels haha, ohwell, didn't expect him t recoqnize me anymore, ohwell, it's been like whut, a year since we last met? quess so.

Waited for that motherfucker & went for dinner, i had chicken winqs while they had their beehoon. Chilled for awhile & sister called me, she called a few times t be exact. Spent awhile talkinq t her & ended up sittinq at th smokinq corner as always, smokinq my life away. it's kinda stupid, really.

Halfway i was really on th verqe of tears, no idea why either, & I called peesao, & peesao told me t qo over so i did, went over t a place i was once so familiar w, saw a few friends, chilled for abit before my own company arrived. They brouqht me for McDonald's & i went back after.

Chilled until like dayliqht before cabbinq home, thanks peesao, forever & always riqht? I missed you, but everyone moved on, i'm just a fool sittinq on th frozen stone chair, waitinq for you quys t return t me whenever you quys feel hurt, now that i'm totally broken & destroyed, who's here for me? it's kinda funny isn't it dear sister?

i'd always be qrateful for your company, remember th niqht we went down qeylanq & you stood by me even when th odds were aqainst me but you stood stronq on your stand by my side w Matthew & th rest, all unbuttoninq your formal suits & askinq me if i needed immediate activation, thanks for fiqhtinq for me, despite beinq from different shirts, we never really cared, it was brotherhood over shirts, over everythinq else. remember how you stood by me as I cried all th way from Juronq back t senqkanq? Remember how you were th one who usually drove me home all th way from th clubs, west side & how I'd always be th weakshit whininq about all th bitches in th world? Remember how we'd use t qo bike roundinq just t makan some stupid nasi lemak at clementi & I'd always whine about wantinq t sit behind you instead of th rest of th quys? I'd never forqet you, tryinq t do every sinqle thinq just t make me smile, & how both of us used t converse in basic thai just because th rest of th clique couldn't quite catch it & we found it so funny & convenient t pass secret messaqes, Krub khun ka peesao, thank you

But thinqs have chanqed haven't they? it's been about 7 months since everyone went their ways, you were there all alonq, but i quess distance qot t me, i'm sorry, i'm qrateful for mixinq w th batok kids when i was 14-15. Sometimes i wish everythinq could come back so i wouldn't feel so weak & alone but that's just selfish isn't it. Remember how I promised you quys i'd watch you quys throuqh NS so that none of you would feel lonely? I broke my promise didn't I, siqhs. i'm sorry.

Here's t th one human beinq who stood by my side even when th world turned aqainst me, pull me up once more will you? I'm not qonna make it this time, i love him more than i loved Jason, Matthew or anyone in my Ex-boyfriend history, i know i don't have much choice, but help me out would you? my chances of survivinq this blow is minimal.