♥ Thursday, April 12
Feelinq rather devastated still, utterly disqusted by last niqht's action. I really should have left th country yesterday & miqrate there & work there or somethinq, my poor lunlun. lesiqhs! Muscles achinq all over somehow, massive miqraines qoinq on in here, probably from sleepinq on my lappy, radiation kills, qonna qet cancer soon if i keep doinq this.
This photo was taken quite some time aqo, while we were all chillinq on qwennie's queen sized bed, all piled up toqether & th woman in th back, she's really textinq her lover, qeezus. kcan.
i quess after th countless times i broke down at random, this particular woman has been here for me, thouqh i cry at th most ridiculous timinqs like whut, 2AM in th morninq & she'd come down or i'd qo up & whine and rant until i'm dead tired. Sometimes i wonder how she can stand me, if i'm tired or i don't wanna see anyone I'd just tell ppl i'm sleepinq, silence my phone, speakers max volume, lock myself home & tell Mum t tell anyone who's visitinq that i'm sleepinq or i'm not home.
Thanks for always beinq there for me qwen, i know we don't really like your qirlfriend but as i said, no one likes their besty's qirlfriend. Throuqhout th years, i found my besty's partners t be hiqhly irritatinq, whiny, bitchy, useless et cetera, stereotypinq here, really. All chu pattern same kuan one yknow! LOL. so yeah, but honestly, i think she's quite nice,
i quess i found th value in friendship throuqh you, over th years, everyone looked at me w envy for havinq so many "brothers" & qans, but how many of them would really hold me up when i fall, remember when i was in secondary 3 & everyone was tellinq me that daniel was better than damien & i shouldnt qive a fuck about xiaodamien because i'm not qonna qet any returns anyway? Well, beinq me, naturally i didn't listen, stubborn ole me, lauqhs. I took care of him even when my closest qan kor told me that he didn't want t see Damien, i was like no, i wanna see him #SarcasticSinqSonqTone
after beinq his Jie for like a year, i found him hiqhly reliable, probably cause of his ways, his life, his backqround. He was always there for me, i meant. he WAS always there for me. Past tense #SarcasmSarcasm lesiqhs, thinqs chanqed after awhile. Remember how he was th cause of a few of my ex boyfriend's misery. Makinq them cry in public la, fiqhtinq w me, but i chose xiaoDamien, because if they really loved me. they wouldn't have minded t such an extent, that's a lie really. I would mind too, but i wouldnt show it cause it's just ridiculous t be jealous of a brother/sister riqht.
After awhile, K & i broke off & i drifted from th lil moothafooka, i went back t niqhtlife, he pulled me back while i vomited, i'll always remember th niqht i couldn't stop drinkinq, i vomited a hell lot of shit, & uncle qary called me, & i washed up & cabbed straiqht t neverland, brinqinq th lil underaqed moothafooka w me, hahahaha. he watched me while i attempted t kill myself from alcohol poisoninq until dayliqht, i remember, we only manaqed t board a cab at 8AM & i was seriously almost qone.
Than i avoided him, I wanted t be alone, hopinq he'd disturb me somehow, we fouqht somewhere in between, i refused t talk t him, he MIAed from facebook so i wouldn't see his stuffs, so i downloaded twitter t stalk him, lauqhs, smart riqht! I KNOW, we settled. but we drifted, sometimes i hint on twitter that i need him t be there t listen, but he's always maplinq, always talkinq t qirls. So much for brotherhood lil one.
So back t where ever i was, dear qwennie, you were riqht, not everyone;s qonna be there for me forever, no matter how much i sacrificed for someone, he/she's not qoinq t appreciate it anyway, i took your advice after K, remember how i started treatinq xiaodamien so coldly? lauqhs yeah, he still whines a hell lot & rebutts me w my own loqic, & attempts t shake it off w cold stony sarcasm when he cant win. i quess it's probably why i quit creatinq events, no point doinq so much for people if they dont appreciate, i reduced th number anyway. i chanqed my mind, i put my heart into my boyfriend instead of th clique and other brotherly qroups eh, if you've noticed, because i somehow feel that you're riqht, perhaps he would appreciate it more then th entire qroup ever will. i don't know.
All i know is that i raised a moothafookinq useless slut, yeah, he's so hopeless, always whininq t jie about his bullshit, th moment he touched 17.5, he chanqed, so yeah. you're riqht, brothers my foot kay, you wanna know what i consider a brother? Ohwaitttt, no one's qonna be there forever, so yeah. I believed he was th exception, my lil brother, well disappointment once more. Siqhs, continue maplinq, next time qot thinqs, don't tell me. kthxbye. Especially after th recent thinqthinq i told you t do, but you didn't. Thanks ah. qoodjob (Y)
Siqhs, lies, I will always be here if you need me, thouqh your priority status has dropped. I'd always wanted a lil brother yknow lil one? I'd always treated you like my real lil brother, but do you even care? as th dumb cheena sayinq qoes, sprout winqs leaw can fly jin quailan hor, or somethinq like that, whuuuut. ever.
So i was tellinq qwen, i really wanted a decent life instead, enjoyinq decent stuffs, i'm hiqhly tempted t qo t th zoo, and spas in th wild, but i don't wanna do anythinq without him, so i think i'm qonna, sit here & clear up my lappy of stuffs & calculate how shitty life is, and what I should do, about a week more of holidays & year 3's qonna start, so not excited, ohwell. fuck it yes?
