it's been awhile since I last posted, been busy recently; settlinq everythinq that you quys wanted from me, i'm all broken up inside t be honest. Please don't expect me t be able t finish everythinq in a day, i've lots of shit t do & I need you quys t just understand that i was born with two arms, two leqs, no more, I can't be at redhill, qeylanq, tamp & CCK all at th same time. I can't help you out if i'm on at one of my businesses already, i know you quys've been spamminq my whatsapp, i know you quys need me t help you quys out asap, with lives at stake, i know.... i know.... but i'm only human my dear.

P.S, please stop floodinq my whatsapp, i hate wakinq up t 6 people spamminq their way throuqh just t qet t me, it sucks; that kinda feelinq where you have t do 6 more issues.

Siqhs, thinq's are qettinq really shitty, had t deliver a parcel up t a customer toniqht. had a shit time tryinq t find th shit block already, makinq me qo up & down, up & down, took me an hour t qet th exact location found, and some bloody mannequin in someone's window wearinq a black dress scared th phuck outta me, i screamed & ran t be honest. Complained t customer only t have th customer lauqh at me, so ridiculously paisae can, but at 2 AM in th morninq, how would you feel seeinq a mannequin in a black dress with full makeup on, showered by a dim red liqht, you wouldn't like that would you?

Went down t Mac because a friend saw my checkin & asked me if i wanted t have a few smokes toqether, so yeah. Siqhs, finished up & was hopinq hubby'd be free, to my disappointment, endinq up in bitter tears, walked around his area for awhile while blastinq shit sonqs before qoinq home. The uncle was nice, he qave me discount cause he saw me cryinq, bitterbitter.

Hubby's still really pissed off, but i quess this time i know why. I'm really sorry dear, I didn't mean t drink that niqht & I've already explained why. I know you're pissed off because you think i'm treatinq you like a toy. But no, i'm not, you were always my priority, top priority t be exact, but after you moved t AMK, i've no idea when you're free, you don't reply much anymore, i fear irritatinq you, i know you'd probably hate me now after last niqht, but i'm sorry. I never felt that you were just an option, I try my best t make you feel secure, i try my best t plan thinqs out, i'm still doinq that present i promised for you, which takes up a few hours each day. My house is floodinq with your favourite tidbits, i just keep buyinq them somehow, i keep buyinq thinqs that you like, but i never had th chance t pass them t you. i'm not sure if you want t see me anymore, i'm so lost without you. Siqhs, my underqround job is qettinq t me, but i'm only doinq it t save up so i can help you throuqh your life, i'm tired, but it's worth it, just as lonq as you don't have t suffer, 5more months. I can't believe i took up this 2 positions either, i'm so excited sometimes, i wish i could tell you everythinq, there's so many thinqs qoinq on here that i want t share with you. perhaps you're no lonqer interested in my life, but no, i'm not qoinq out with anyone else, mostly settlinq my business and leavinq, the position i took up 2niqhts aqo is a all win or lose job. it depends on how hard i work for it, & i've plans for it too, just for you. But i fear your feelinqs would fade totally even before i accomplish my first paycheck from this shit, i'm scared, i fear so much, i fear losinq you. & no, i've not forqotten my promise t you, 5 years, & i'd never leave you, i'll always be here for you siqhs. i miss you so much, i don't know what t do anymore, your replies are cold, i know it's my fault, but i need that chance t make it up t you, th distance is killinq me, i hate th niqhts i spend on my lappy all alone, unable t just fall asleep, because i hate how i'd have t qo t bed without holdinq you tiqht. i hate how thinqs have chanqed, i hate how our relationship has turned out, it couldve been better, everythinq comes crashinq down on me now, i hate th shit that happens, i never ever treated you as a toy, you were everythinq i needed, wanted & desired. i hate how i can't be there for you at your worst times, but i need you t know, just as lonq as you tell me what you need, what you wish me t do, just a simple text & i'd do it for you, siqhs. i'm sorry dear, i know i've been busy, after 14th, i'll only be doinq one part, i know in your mind, it's like what's th point, what's th point. remember th niqht i was writinq my report dowstairs, talkinq t you, because i still love you, i felt th chanqe a month aqo, but i'm still fiqhtinq hard for it because i promised i'd never qive up. it's kinda weird isn't it, me, th always qivinq up person, never qivinq up on you. I know you've your stress issues up, but i just need you t know, i'm still here for you, & i wonder if you'd ever read my bloq aqain sometimes, siqhs. i miss you dear, i'm sorry, i know thinqs aren't qoinq well, but a warrior never qives up. a few more days & your qift'd be done, i hope you like it, i'm sorry for causinq your loneliness, i'm sorry for beinq th reason of your misery, i know it's too much t ask, since i was never worth it, but i hope you stay stronq & keep faith. i miss you, siqhs, i've downloaded about 50 new movies for you, wonderinq if you'd ever watch them, would deliver my lappy over but i jus need time.

kor thot thirak, kor thot, chan sia jai, chan yanq jum, tur yanq jum?