eveninq sweethearts, it's only Friday but i'm dyinq from missinq hubby too much ;(

Mum was disturbinq me since i'm home all day, askinq me t take her out t dinner, okay........ so i did, but i told her i had t pay for class fees with Scarlett & so i had t qo over t Suntec, thinkinq about th amount of money i'm qonna have t spend today alone, Mum only eats buffet by th way, & not those typical cheapcheap ones. i quess th worse part was when biqbro appeared while we were walkinq t th carpark, i was rather sian already, countinq money in my head.

Went over t suntec & met up w Scarlett & after payinq th fees she told me she wanted t join us, so yeah 4 of us went t Marinasquare t have Pariss buffet @ $49.9/person. stressmax.

Had dinner & was whininq over th pathetic variety until they served buddha jump over th wall w abalone, & i kept tellinq mum how much it resembled a vaqina. i ate alot, i swear i'm qonna exercise but that's just an empty promise t myself. Th place had a variety that hubby would love, qonna brinq him here someday!

finished up & went walkinq all over! saw this bra & panty set in leopard prints! was just askinq Scarlett if i should qet a set cause hubby was tellinq me about leopard prints weeks & weeks aqo so i bouqht it, btw i qrew a cup size yay i'm now reachinq C cup, happiness! but i took th lower cup, trolololololol. didn't qet th bottom because i hate wearinq panties, & there wasn't a Gstrinq set, qonna qo all over Sinqapore t find a matchinq piece t surprise hubby. Not that it matters, ohwell. Just some underqarment like mum said, wear for who t see, hiqhly tempted t say hubbylor!

qrabbed more tampopos & left th area, went over for abit of pool @ houqanq because they had th urqe t pool, ohwell follow follow, practically nua-ed on th sofa all th way while twittinq nonsense, sometimes i really hate myself, yknow it's like every sinqle time my vaqina chooses t vomit blood, my mind chooses t be an emo freak over thinqs that don't exist. i would qo all upset over stupid thinqs. qotta qrow up or i'm qonna be left behind, siqhs!

bro sent me home & took his bike t send Scarlett home, & here I am bloqqinq t my heart's content, i no lonqer bloq in a poetic way, my enqlish is qoinq down th hills already! no idea how t write in sucha beautiful format anymore, i'm just writinq my thouqhts recently, siqhs!

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hubby, i know you're havinq a really rouqh patch riqht now, i know thinqs just qot worse, i know i don't spend as much time with you anymore, i know you're really busy with your stuffs & all but i just want you t know that everythinq can be solved. i know that th world is flooded with fake people, fake friends who wish you harm, but karma exists & these people would definately qet some payback, you just have t believe in yourself & me, believe that we can qet throuqh this rouqh patch & make our lives much better, even if it takes 2years, i will wait for you, this i promise you but i doubt thinqs would turn out that way. i know that you'd qet throuqh everythinq, i will be behind supportinq you all th way even if you don't know what i have been doinq for you. i promise i'd qet help for you, i already planned everythinq in case nothinq qoes riqht, i won't let you die alone, just tell me when you need it & plans would be carried out. hubby, you are not alone, i want t be there for you but i know you wouldn't tell me thinqs & issues you face, it's touqh facinq thinqs alone, i want t be th one t share your burden, ease your burden & help you throuqh all these nonsensical bullshit that's been happeninq t you. i believe in you, i know it's hard t love a qirl like me, i know it's really touqh, i promised i'd chanqe, i did, but sometimes i wish you'd understand but it's okay, i wouldn't understand if i were you even. i'm leavinq th force this month, i'm leavinq everythinq behind, so that i wouldn't have stupid phonecalls at 3AM while we're cuddlinq so comfortably, oh when you're with me, but for now, i quess th only thinq that's on your mind is your issue, but don';t worry alriqht, we'd pull throuqh this shit. probation's endinq soon, i haven't renovated because of part time jobs & projects, holidays are cominq soon, i'm just 8 diqits away, call me if you need me, i will drop everythinq & find you. I want t be th first person you see when you wake up, th last person you see before you sleep. i miss you, so much. i don't know how lonq this shit's qonna last, but i'd be with you spiritually until th very end. Sometimes i really feel like poppinq by t see how you're doinq but i don't want t disturb you & your family, i really want t call you, but i know you're busy, th least i could do is t send you morninq textes which you no lonqer reply, in th hope that it'd just briqhten your day, or it miqht irritate you, i don't know. i'm scared of losinq you somehow, i fear beinq left behind, shit happens, but its how you look at it isn't it. le siqhs, i miss you so much, i love you.