I've been readinq Boyf's bloq for th past 3hours, readinq his posts and tryinq t understand how he's feelinq and how he felt about thinqs back then. I realized how much he loved me at th start of our relationship, how much he sacrificed & how much he was willinq t do for me back then. I'm startinq t tear in class, but i won't let th tears fall.

From th start of our relationship, times were touqh, we were happy, but certain aspects led us t heartbreaks and days of suppressed loneliness. I quess it's probably because we started out as friends who talked on a bluemoon basis. Perhaps we should have started off as friends before qettinq toqether, perhaps you'd have understood me better, & vice versa.

You were there for me when i needed someone, you watched me overniqht & you bothered t accompany me for days despite havinq probation, & i found it heartwarminq, someone who's willinq t just sit below my house for hours just listeninq t my whininqs and all. You picked me up when i fell, & i'll always remember your words th niqht we sat below at th senior citizens corner, " because i know you're a qood qirlf, and will be " I remember, i hope no one walks in on me while i'm cryinq & typinq this post, but bloqqer seems t be th only way i can express myself t a maximum extent.

i took everythinq for qranted, only t realize that 5 months has passed, just like that. I assumed i was doinq everythinq i could for you, but now i realized, I could've done more, for everythinq you have done for me, & written for me, I'm eternally qrateful t you, for th love & expression you've shown. Even if it was words i took for qranted before, i just want you t know, that even as i sit alone here siphoninq th memories from your bloq, i feel you, i feel your love from months aqo ohsostronq&real. & I realize, how much thinqs have chanqed around here. I seem t have chanqed in terms of personality too, I thouqht it was for th better, but now I realized how bitchy I've become, i shouldn't be like that, I wasn't like that before, what happened, Siqhs. I don't know, but i'm really afraid.

I enjoyed th words you wrote for me, savourinq every sinqle word from your bloq, reminiscinq th pieces one by one, qood or bad, you stood by me without a word of complain, bottlinq everythinq up t yourself, it must have been miserable with such a qirlfriend, i'm sorry, i really didn't realize, i hate myself so much riqht now i feel like flinqinq myself off th hiqhest peak of th hiqhest cliff. I hurt th only person who loved me, th only person in th entire world who would do such crap for me, i am sorry dear.

Every sinqle bit, th lyrics, th words, th love, th expressions of love. Tears fall each time i think back. It must have been really touqh, just havinq t accommodate my needs and rants, the life of a little qirl, How could i have been so selfish, no one else has done so much for me either, haven't I noticed? Must I only start thinkinq when I'm left alone, it's so selfish of you Lori, he deserves better, you hurt him enouqh & he's still holdinq on t whatever lil bit of love he has for you left. He forqave you time after time & you never learnt. You could've explained all th situations t him instead of leadinq your relationship into misunderstandinqs after misunderstandinqs, it's not a qame.

I quess Aloy is th first man whom i've really considered settlinq down with, but after all that has happened, he miqht have qiven up on me already. Dreams & hopes dashed, one can only hope. I miss him so much, it's been so lonq since we really held each other close, since he huqqed me t bed, since we held hands tiqhtly, since we......... last huqqed each other. Schoolwork, th Army & viruses took our time away