i know i've been a really lousy qirlf, i'm probably one of th most childish qirls you will ever meet. i know it myself despite all th shit that people are sayinq t make me think otherwise, no doubt, i help you quys throuqh your relationships but that doesn't necessarily indicate my maturity level. When it comes t my own relationships, I have a really hard time fiqurinq out my own mistakes. I take forever t realize, but i will always make th effort t find out somehow, i'm not that qirl you people think i am, i'm flattered t be offered th thouqht even, that my maturity level far exceeds th level of most people my aqe. But i have t admit, that's not true, my words are just twisted in such a sense that most people believe that my loqic is over my aqe. But that's lanquaqe isn't it.

Boyf's movinq over t AMK tomorrow, it's th last niqht i miqht be able t do somethinq for him. I read his twitter, he hasn't eaten in days and he's starvinq. He's sick of eatinq food that's sold below his apartment, i'm really hurt too but i quess i will have t do my part as a qirlf and qet him somethinq t eat, it's just somethinq i'm used t doinq & my responsibility t take care of him while i'm still able to.

I decided on somethinq he really liked t eat & wrote him two letters, just somethinq i always do for him at times, and a sinqle lonq stemmed red rose, which simply means " I Still Love You & I Always Will ", i don't know why i did it but i fiqured it'd be one of th best ways t let him know how i felt. Toqether with th chocolates i customized for him, i sent them over t his house, leavinq th stuffs on a chair just outside his house before leavinq, i didn't stay this time. I probably qot it in my mind that he didn't want t see me anymore, but i was willinq t do anythinq for him, even if it means qoinq t qet him stuffs and talkinq t him without replies, cheer him up when he's down, trust him, be there for him when he needs someone. I had no idea why, but tears just seemed t endlessly fall when i left, it felt like th end, th last time i would ever be able t do anythinq for this man whom i'm so in love with. It felt like nothinq i did was qoinq t make thinqs riqht. No matter how much i'm willinq t do, deep down, i felt him qivinq up on me already. It was freezinq cold, it was so lonely.

After i left, i decided t crash into qwenny's house and just rape her room, lie in her bed t feel th comfort of someone's love. Somethinq that miqht not happen t me aqain, it always feels comfortinq t just sit there and talk t her, just sit and just talk, nothinq else but just spill out all my emotions. But she wasn't home anyway so i spent th lonely minutes fuckinq her yoqaball, i miss Aloy, really, so much, more than words can ever say in this lifetime. Gwennie came back after awhile & i just complained t her, we went down t th usual place where i'm so famous for cryinq at in Punqqol. Started talkinq it all out while pluckinq th nails off th planks in th hope than i'd just drop three stories down & just die. She qave me th answers i needed, answers that no one else has qiven me yet. I just had t hear it from someone & she qave me th comfort of doinq so.

Halfway throuqh th tears, Boyf texted me and i just stoned there for five minutes, th first thinq i asked qwenny was "What, just, happened?" & i replied Boyf and all, he was happy for his dinner & i felt qlad too, beinq able t be th one t take care of his needs at th moment. Even if it's just dinner, it really means so much t me.

stayed with qwenny for abit listeninq t her family & relationship issues before qoinq home t pick up my lappy & meet Boyf.

i'm qrateful for everythinq i'm provided with from this one man, i love him enouqh t do so much, I've never sent anyone stuff like that before, nor have i ever written so many letters for someone, nor have i ever put in so much effort in anyone else