♥ Friday, October 28
i think life's kinda fucked up recently `
have been cold warrinq, text fiqhtinq w my mum `
it's been months since she started actinq this way `
i'm so lost, i need moral, emotional support riqht now `
who's qonna qive me such support `
everyone's just puttinq me down `
i'm so helpless, so hopeless, so fuckinq lost `
but what do you all know anyway `
just a qirl who siqn card for everythinq `
moneysuckers, jesuschrist `
-siqhs- my boyf's qone missinq `
oh well, what should i do now `
die from emotional stress alone `
i know it's nothinq t you all `
my emotional crisis is nothinq `
it's not that i wanna wallow in self pity `
but i'm really that weak, what can i do anyway `
oh well `
i was so tired last niqht i fell asleep on lappy `
with my makeup on, until dayliqht `
i didn't start on my report either `
i shouldn't have chanqed topic `
i'm doinq on Maserati at th moment `
i wish Boyf was here, someone who would talk t me `
even if it was about cars, bikes, electronical devices `
quys qames, xbls, camp, clowns, everyth `
i miss your voice, i miss everythinq about you `
at least he'd be able t help me out on my report `
i'd love t be able t finish up my work with his help `
someth we could do toqether, probably what i wanted `
probably th main reason why i chanqed t Maserati `
it's not easy, a qirl doinq a 12 paqe report on cars `
but i quess i'm qonna have t do this throuqh, alone `
oh well, i'll just continue stalkinq him `
until he decides that he wants t talk t me `
i'm so lonely, i wish i had him here by my side `
even if i just sat on his lap, & watch him watch youtube vids `
i'm fine with it, i miss everythinq we ever had `
i need you, so much, but would you ever hear my pleas `
bloqqer - my only friend i have who would listen t me `
without actually cuttinq me short halfway `
without tellinq me t do stupid thinqs `
or chanqinq th subject `
i couldn'e wake up in time for school either `
nor did i have th mood, so i cut class `
been qiven academic warninq already `
but i'm really not in th mood `
so i slept on, & i dreamt about boyf `
i dreamt he came back for me `
i was elated, i missed him so bad `
i huqqed him, & i didn't let qo until he said, " baby " `
by then, i was already tearinq in my dream `
i just didn't want t let him qo, so afraid of him leavinq `
i'm so afraid. i've never loved someone in such a short period before `
but it's okay, i'll try t stay stronq for now `
in th dream, we talked thinqs out `
it was short, sweet & simple `
mum woke me up in awhile `
tellinq me i had t qo t school `
my pillow was wet with tears `
i cried, i'm so lost without you `
i told her t leave me alone cause i wanted t qo back `
back into where you & me existed `
but even in dreams, thinqs don't work that way `
so i wished lil bro qood luck on his o lvls `
& i went back t sleep, thinkinq about Boyf `
so much t think about `
there were sinqtel people in th house when i woke `
mum removed th wifi, so i didn't manaqe t do my report `
lil bro told me t fetch him from school `
but i was late, as usual `
so i cabbed over t aljunied `
qary uncle called me halfway `
so i stopped by th market t have dinner with him `
& talked a lil bit about life `
uncle asked me about my Boyf `
i swear i broke a lil inside `
but i told him, i've a qood boyf & would intro t him soon `
-lauqhs- , bitterbitter `
uncle said he'd join qirlf & i for our birthday dinner `
& i wonder if Boyf would join us too `
i wish he would but he's catchinq up w friends recently `
i've been selfish, wantinq him all for myself `
so i quess i'll qive him free time t enjoy with friends `
i know i've done wronq somewhere `
i don't know where yet but `
i'll be here when he needs me `
lil bro came down after awhile `
talked a lil & uncle wanted t qo slack w his friend `
so i brouqht lil bro t th arcade `
i think xiaoD deserves a break `
he passed his o lvls math `
so i brouqht him over t enjoy for abit `
i sat there & watched him pummel cars likea boss `
adorable max, i imaqined my boyf doinq th same `
-lauqhs- , peesao came down t find me for awhile `
so we smoked a few sticks, qot some piercinq barbels `
& i finally had my KOI `
peesao went t pick his qirlf up `
i brouqht xiaoD t Castania `
where i'm supposed t be doinq my report `
but here i am, writinq t you, my dearest bloq `
i don't have th inspiration anyway `
i'm just smokinq my life away `
starinq at Boyf's photo `
wishinq he'd be here `
but he's probably in neverland, drinkinq `
qod bless his health `
th quys are currently smokinq downstairs `
i'm all alone here `
it feels, so empty but i'll have t survive `
i brouqht this upon myself `
- `
i just heard from qirlf about my dearest qan daddy `
Xun daddy's been takinq care of me since 2008 `
we kept each other company in th earlier years `
his father has just passed away `
it's on wan bao toniqht - paqe 2 bottom `
i think it's really stressful for his entire family `
his family history is kinda complicated `
but he's been so stronq for so lonq `
& now his father left, i'm feelinq really empty `
his father worked until he died `
i'm qoinq t visit daddy soon `
i'm not sure if i can qo down alone `
i don't want t be alone `
but qirlf's birthday is on monday `
she wants t qo too `
but it's not advisable is it `
who's qonna qo with me `
i think daddy really deserves some company riqht now `
death - it's not such a simple thinq `
th kind of pain it leaves others in `
it's too much `
oh well `
i'm qonna chill here until 2AM `
qo home & finish my report, alone `
