♥ Thursday, October 13
feelinq really fucked up riqht now `
fuckinq hate my fuckinq life `
sick & tired of every sinqle fuckinq bullshit here `
it's not like i wanted it to be this way `
not like i beqqed for this shit `
sick & tired of this nonsensical fuck `
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
dear lil brother of mine `
i just want you t know `
i never qave up on you `
i was told t let you stand on your own `
you have t qrow up someday `
& much as i'm unwillinq `
it's th only way isn't it `
i wouldn't do this on such short notice `
especially with th O levels in a few days `
Boyf doesn't think i should drop you like that either `
but lots of other people see fit `
i hope you're fine, i miss you already `
lonq aqo, stalkinq your twitter daily `
i feel your pain, but it's neccessary `
you may blame me, but it's worth it `
once you're capable of standinq on your own `
you'd be able t see th world `
ain't it not, my dear lil brother ? `
3 years aqo, i wanted t be there for you `
i wanted t watch you soar throuqh everythinq `
o levels, relationships, & crisises `
& even your marriaqe `
you were adorable, shy & smart `
everythinq i always wanted in a lil brother `
somethinq i never had, but always wanted `
i quess you fitted in somewhere `
i shielded you from everythinq `
i tauqht you th ways, showed you th ropes `
hoped you'd learn somethinq `
be a better man when you qrow up `
takecare of your bioloqical sister like i did, for you `
love your qirlf, th way i doted on you `
expect nothinq in return `
i mean, that's how we feel happiness `
qivinq, & not expectinq anythinq in return `
& when we do qet thinqs in return `
learn t reject th favors `
who else can i talk to riqht now `
i promised not t say anythinq else t boyf `
anythinq we miqht fiqht over `
which doesn't relate t me or him `
considerinq that all my ex boyfs detest you `
would i even chance it with Boyf, i quess not `
i really want t talk about you `
about how adorable you are `
th dumbblonde moments of you `
how you understood me `
how you watched me vomit after drinkinq while upset `
& how i finished up & said `
hey lets qo neverland for round 2 `
or when we were roundinq `
& you were that adorable kid `
wantinq t sit in th passenqer seat `
while Jieh took th comfort slow ride `
watchinq you made me happy `
i couldn't stop whininq about your cuteness `
& remember when i learnt th iphone trick in a day `
& made you whine forever just so i'd teach you how `
or th time when you were drunk `
& i watched you th entire niqht `
when you vomited, how everyone looked after you `
& when you vomited all over `
or when you told my brother t text your qirlf `
sayinq you were okay with your ciqarette box `
or when you lauqhed at th quy who slept on th bench `
sayinq at least you wouldn't be like him `
but you ended up sleepinq on th same bench until dawn `
you were so cute, oh th memories `
i really want t tell somebody `
somebody who would see you in th spotliqht `
someone who would understand `
i know Mars is an awesome Boyf `
he just wants th best for us `
he doesn't want us t fiqht over anyone else anymore `
i understand that & i accept that `
but sometimes, i just wish i could `
i wish i could rant it out `
cry it out & be understood `
sick & tired of everythinq else `
Boyf's qonna be busy soon `
i'm qoinq t work soon `
who's qonna takecare of you while i'm qone `
i'm so fuckinq curious `
will anyone else just watch you, th way i did `
would anyone else be willinq t look after you `
12;48AM, i'm cryinq `
my dearest lil brother `
you'd probably never read this `
but i feel your pain `
throuqh your twitter, throuqh your MIA `
i know how it feels `
frequently, i'd be tempted t text you `
askinq you if you were okay `
why you were MIAinq `
despite knowinq th answer `
why you didn't text me automatically anymore `
i miss th usual " cruisinq anywhere today ? "
" i'm bored " `
" i'm hunqry " `
" i can't slp ;( " `
oh those were th days `
but my eqo is too hiqh `
til today `
you're probably still wonderinq `
what am i disappointed in, exactly `
well here's th hard truth `
think about th niqht we spent at Boyf's `
you told me she jioed me qo town `
i was expectinq her, instead of her `
yes, i'm disappointed over that `
you're so smart `
we have somesorta same mindset `
you'd probably understand `
boyf told you already, you just refused t believe `
back then, it was so obvious `
i didn't even tell him `
but now i see, you're my little brother `
& i shouldn't have treated you so harshly `
you're younq `
but everyone wants you t stand on your own `
been there, done that, it's touqh, isn't it `
beinq thrown back all alone t yourself `
i really want t see you throuqh all these shit `
but i'm not brave enouqh t do so anymore `
i'm sick of my family `
i lost alot of stuff overniqht `
Boyf's th only one there for me riqht now `
but soon i miqht lose it all `
qonna pop by his house riqht now `
at least i'd feel safe in his arms `
i won't have t think so much `
i have qot t work tomorrow `
i hope you read my bloq, doubt much `
-siqhs- `
my number's still th same `
i'd be there, if you need me `
but til then, i quess you'd have t stand stronq `
don't qive up cause of those motherfuckers `
they are nothinq, nothinq at all `
no one has th riqht t put you down `
cause th only way they're qonna put you down `
is when you allow them t break your walls down `
don't qive up - make me proud `
xoxo, lotsa love, Lori Jieh ♥ `
- - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥ - - - - - - - - - - - - - `
qonna qo bath aqain & fly t Boyf's ♥ `
i hope he isn't mad at me if he reads this shit `
it's just stupid, but i'm softhearted `
i don't like t break anyone, unless provoked `
Boyf's movinq house soon `
shall accompany him toniqht `
fuckinq boss, i reqret acceptinq th job offer `
i'd rather spend th entire niqht & day with Boyf `
at least i wouldn't be threatened by all sortsa people `
& i'm so tired - i just wish that everythinq would end soon `
all those fuckinq problems `
just fuckinq stop `
-siqhs- i just need you, nothinq more `
