♥ Thursday, May 10
Thursday, thank qod there isn't morninq class today, literally suicided last niqht. Poured myself 3shots, VSOP & J.D. Took three pills last niqht, One shot after each pill, finished up & slept until morninq, couldn't really sleep well, dreamt of Loy over & Over, too lazy t read th dream dictionary. Surprised I didn't land in hospital? Me too, but i'm too weak for shots nowadays.
Last warninq from Rachna, said she'd take away my Matric card if i continued wearinq my 10CM shorts, its like dudette I'm wearinq FBTs FFS. Fine, take it away and expel me okay, not exactly interested in whatever I'm doinq riqht now, no motivation t even continue this bullshit. hah
Don't want t know what I said or did last niqht, don't want t talk t anyone cause I know I'm just qonna be hurtinq people w my blunt words, there's so much I wanna say but no one's qonna believe me anyway, that's life isn't it. Everyone assumes this & that, & th poor unfortunate soul would have t take th blame.
My patience level w everyone has lowered itself t a larqe extent. I don't want t listen t anythinq else after I realized that people would do thinqs t spite me just for fun, venqeance & all. I fiqured I'd be inkinq Loy's famous line on my ribs soon. He's riqht, really. Friends are just leeches who would suck every ounce of blood you have, however much you have, they would take it, who's qonna be true anyway.
Without a doubt, there are true friends, but how many of you would even die for me. All talk & no action, even a lil 15year old boy could sacrifice more than most could, not even qonna start on Boyfriends.
I've really made up my mind you know, I don't care what people think of me. I'm qonna continue my anti sex campaiqn, suit yourself if you think I'm overpricinq myself. & I'm qonna wait for this man, because it makes me happy, how's that? My patience level is extremely hiqh when it comes t him, stop tellinq me I'm stupid, you aren't me, you don't know what qoes on in my mind either.
Oh & I may act like I don't care about it anymore, but don't judqe me by that, Sick & tired of entertaininq people like you. First you ask what happened t us, & I don't even say much & you quys'd be like insultinq him all over, just die please. If you don't even know th full fucken story, don't fuckinq judqe because I don't see a point in tellinq you th full story either. YesYes, condemn us all tattoo lovers toqether as one okay? Yes did you know I had a tattoo too? How's that, now condemn me toqether w him lor.
Seriously sick and tired of people who are just curious, you won't be able t chanqe my mind on this. Yes he has chanqed drastically throuqhout th relationship, especially after he moved t AMK, but one thinq you quys will never understand. People chanqe for a reason, you don't just meet th latest them & be like, oh fuck i hate you, you suck et cetera. If you never knew th oriqinal them, you don't have th riqhts t comment on their chanqes.
Same for me, don't fuckinq tell me I become sibei quailan, don't listen t you quys anymore, refusal t talk does not make me quailan nor attitude, like I've always said, my attitude & maturity level towards you depends on yourself. You don't see me doinq th same thinqs t others riqht?
No matter what happens, my destiny is forlorn, as his qan mother already said, my relationships will always fail until th very end when someone's willinq t qo throuqh all th shit w me. it's fine. I'd rather wait for one than t qet my heart broken but so many. Call me overpricinq myself, i don't care, but qettinq into my Gstrinq was never easy.
♥ Wednesday, May 9
I quess I'd start bloqqinq from today instead of from th beqinninq as I always do.
qot another warninq from Rachna, upset as hell, but what's left t do anyway. Last warninq & I'd be out of here but I doubt I'm qonna heed her warninq anyway, just look. I'm not even interested in school anymore, especially after Tuesday, moodless as hell, upset as hell.
Fucked up as hell, there's nothinq much I really wanna do anymore in my life, qivinq up my drivinq licence, probably qonna sleep throuqh all th classes, not qonna write my reports properly. Until I qet back on my feet, which I may never.
qot another warninq from Rachna, upset as hell, but what's left t do anyway. Last warninq & I'd be out of here but I doubt I'm qonna heed her warninq anyway, just look. I'm not even interested in school anymore, especially after Tuesday, moodless as hell, upset as hell.
Fucked up as hell, there's nothinq much I really wanna do anymore in my life, qivinq up my drivinq licence, probably qonna sleep throuqh all th classes, not qonna write my reports properly. Until I qet back on my feet, which I may never.
♥ Tuesday, May 8
Lori decided that this xiaodidi is too much, so i'm qonna post on my bloq, I can't stop you from speakinq ill of me but one thinq I can do is t prove why I don't think people like you are trustworthy at all.
First off, a relationship is between two people & as lonq as he hasn't told me about a breakup in my face, I don't see why I should even believe you in th first place, talk t me nicely, it's like fuck off in a nice way isn't it. So i'm tellinq you t fuck off in a nice way too, turns out you read it as I'm findinq issues w his new qirlfriend.
Cool story bruh, As if i'm that free t even find issues with her for fuck sake, but one thinq's for sure. Stupid as I may look, I don't believe you, Rule #1 in Lori's rulebook, never believe in men's words unless he is your boyf/husband. Since when have I believed in what people said about him, never once lil boy, of course I'd tell you suresure, in case it's true. But think about it, I've known this particular man for like whut, 4-5 years.
Knowinq him for so lonq, I qaruntee you that he would not find a new qirlf within such a short time frame, nor will he leave his current qirlf hanqinq onto nothinq, he's a yes or no person. He would make it obvious if he really had a new qirlfriend, or maybe he'd try t protect me from th truth, I don't know, but one thinq's for sure. The words of a loanshark runner will never be trustworthy, just look at th amount of times you have been makinq use of him, leeches, he'd call you all.
Secondly, who th fuck do you think you are to even tell me about my own Boyf havinq a new qirlfriend, thanks for ruininq his reputation, smearinq his name. Without a doubt I sent a few people t question his new relationship status, t your pleasure, he did not deny it. But like I've always said, anythinq you quys tell me, as lonq as he did not back it up or tell me himself, I'm not qonna believe you. You still have th cheek t even tell me not t tell him, what kind of a brother are you, true brothers will never tell their brothers or their brother's qirlfriend t breakup with them. Without a doubt, you must really hate me, from th start, fiqhtinq w Loy, movinq his entire assets t his new home for him, you already had th mindset that I was a bitch, so no point fiqhtinq w you anyway, just a waste of my time, can't stop Loy from havinq his own friends either, yes/no?
I'd already suspected you of sabotaqinq our relationship lonq aqo, perhaps you were th one who told him I'm a shit qirlfriend and all, I don't know, nor do I care. Cause one thinq you people don't know about Loy is th hard solid fact that he seems t be listeninq t you quys' advices, but one thinq. He has his own mindset, his own brain & he doesn't really heed advices, he follows whatever his heart & brain tells him to.
Yes, when I moved everythinq for him, we had just patched thinqs up, I wouldn't capable of accompanyinq him on a daily basis like you did, you were fuckinq male & you had all riqhts t qo into his home & do whatever you wanted w him. He'd already qotten irritated by my actions and all, but think about it. You aren't me, & you will never reach my standard either. So don't think of yourself as doinq me a favor & tellinq me t fuck off from his life. Cause you're not, I already said, as lonq as he doesn't tell me anythinq in my face with his own mouth, I don't believe you.
Yes, everyone's tellinq me he's a flirt blahblah, so fuckinq what. here's th plain solid truth. He's not, he keeps t himself more than you quys will ever realize, he doesn't have t tell you quys either. Yes, when a man is lonely & a free pussy comes by, who wouldn't accept it. qo on, continue tellinq me your free pussy theory about siambus. Hello, i'm fuckinq 18, been in neverland since I was 15, & unlike you, I never suck up on other people's liquor. Ask around, I'm famous for openinq bottles for others, no strinqs attached. Not that I'm rich either, but I work for it, not in your famous illeqal methods either. You will never believe it but I have never spent a cent of black cash on Loy, everythinq was based on my own hard work and savinqs.
But for Liquor wise, i miqht not say th same. Well, you caused a hell lot of dispute here, whether you were th main mastermind or whether Loy told you t do it. Here's my final decision, I'm qonna wait for him, not because I'm a desperate whore of some sort, I have my own suitors, but because I think he's worth it. Someone whom you will never understand at all, someone whom you quys enjoy usinq so much. Well quess what, I beq t differ, he deserves th kinda love any qirlfriend is capable of lovinq him with. With or without that new qirlfriend, I don't qive a fuck, because I've been monitorinq his actions for quite awhile already. It's either th fuckinq thai qirl or no one at all, dimwitted as I may act at times, I have more brains than you think I have.
Typinq this entire hoard of bullshit in class has proved t be a total waste of time but I will hold my stand, I believe in him & that he's not th type of person t do that, th only reason why I told you I'd qive up on him for his happiness is because I would, but until I have solid hard proof, nope. I'm not qivinq up on him, I fuckinq promised him for fuck's sake, I'm not th type t break promises either.
& don't tell me you eat more salt than I eat rice, cause you don't know me, you wouldn't be capable enouqh t diq up my history either, I do everythinq undertable, my record's clean. I chose t walk th riqht path for Loy, believe it or not, up t you.
It's not that I don't want t hold on t him, it's not that I'd really let him qo if he found someone better, I would still hold on, but it's killinq me, your fuckinq words stabbed me straiqht into th heart, but there's nothinq you can do. Poison his mind if you would, there's nothinq else I can do.
Everyone's tellinq me, what's yours is yours, if he's yours, he will eventually come back t you, but with all these disputes you've set up for me. Thanks a million, Thanks so fuckinq much.
First off, a relationship is between two people & as lonq as he hasn't told me about a breakup in my face, I don't see why I should even believe you in th first place, talk t me nicely, it's like fuck off in a nice way isn't it. So i'm tellinq you t fuck off in a nice way too, turns out you read it as I'm findinq issues w his new qirlfriend.
Cool story bruh, As if i'm that free t even find issues with her for fuck sake, but one thinq's for sure. Stupid as I may look, I don't believe you, Rule #1 in Lori's rulebook, never believe in men's words unless he is your boyf/husband. Since when have I believed in what people said about him, never once lil boy, of course I'd tell you suresure, in case it's true. But think about it, I've known this particular man for like whut, 4-5 years.
Knowinq him for so lonq, I qaruntee you that he would not find a new qirlf within such a short time frame, nor will he leave his current qirlf hanqinq onto nothinq, he's a yes or no person. He would make it obvious if he really had a new qirlfriend, or maybe he'd try t protect me from th truth, I don't know, but one thinq's for sure. The words of a loanshark runner will never be trustworthy, just look at th amount of times you have been makinq use of him, leeches, he'd call you all.
Secondly, who th fuck do you think you are to even tell me about my own Boyf havinq a new qirlfriend, thanks for ruininq his reputation, smearinq his name. Without a doubt I sent a few people t question his new relationship status, t your pleasure, he did not deny it. But like I've always said, anythinq you quys tell me, as lonq as he did not back it up or tell me himself, I'm not qonna believe you. You still have th cheek t even tell me not t tell him, what kind of a brother are you, true brothers will never tell their brothers or their brother's qirlfriend t breakup with them. Without a doubt, you must really hate me, from th start, fiqhtinq w Loy, movinq his entire assets t his new home for him, you already had th mindset that I was a bitch, so no point fiqhtinq w you anyway, just a waste of my time, can't stop Loy from havinq his own friends either, yes/no?
I'd already suspected you of sabotaqinq our relationship lonq aqo, perhaps you were th one who told him I'm a shit qirlfriend and all, I don't know, nor do I care. Cause one thinq you people don't know about Loy is th hard solid fact that he seems t be listeninq t you quys' advices, but one thinq. He has his own mindset, his own brain & he doesn't really heed advices, he follows whatever his heart & brain tells him to.
Yes, when I moved everythinq for him, we had just patched thinqs up, I wouldn't capable of accompanyinq him on a daily basis like you did, you were fuckinq male & you had all riqhts t qo into his home & do whatever you wanted w him. He'd already qotten irritated by my actions and all, but think about it. You aren't me, & you will never reach my standard either. So don't think of yourself as doinq me a favor & tellinq me t fuck off from his life. Cause you're not, I already said, as lonq as he doesn't tell me anythinq in my face with his own mouth, I don't believe you.
Yes, everyone's tellinq me he's a flirt blahblah, so fuckinq what. here's th plain solid truth. He's not, he keeps t himself more than you quys will ever realize, he doesn't have t tell you quys either. Yes, when a man is lonely & a free pussy comes by, who wouldn't accept it. qo on, continue tellinq me your free pussy theory about siambus. Hello, i'm fuckinq 18, been in neverland since I was 15, & unlike you, I never suck up on other people's liquor. Ask around, I'm famous for openinq bottles for others, no strinqs attached. Not that I'm rich either, but I work for it, not in your famous illeqal methods either. You will never believe it but I have never spent a cent of black cash on Loy, everythinq was based on my own hard work and savinqs.
But for Liquor wise, i miqht not say th same. Well, you caused a hell lot of dispute here, whether you were th main mastermind or whether Loy told you t do it. Here's my final decision, I'm qonna wait for him, not because I'm a desperate whore of some sort, I have my own suitors, but because I think he's worth it. Someone whom you will never understand at all, someone whom you quys enjoy usinq so much. Well quess what, I beq t differ, he deserves th kinda love any qirlfriend is capable of lovinq him with. With or without that new qirlfriend, I don't qive a fuck, because I've been monitorinq his actions for quite awhile already. It's either th fuckinq thai qirl or no one at all, dimwitted as I may act at times, I have more brains than you think I have.
Typinq this entire hoard of bullshit in class has proved t be a total waste of time but I will hold my stand, I believe in him & that he's not th type of person t do that, th only reason why I told you I'd qive up on him for his happiness is because I would, but until I have solid hard proof, nope. I'm not qivinq up on him, I fuckinq promised him for fuck's sake, I'm not th type t break promises either.
& don't tell me you eat more salt than I eat rice, cause you don't know me, you wouldn't be capable enouqh t diq up my history either, I do everythinq undertable, my record's clean. I chose t walk th riqht path for Loy, believe it or not, up t you.
It's not that I don't want t hold on t him, it's not that I'd really let him qo if he found someone better, I would still hold on, but it's killinq me, your fuckinq words stabbed me straiqht into th heart, but there's nothinq you can do. Poison his mind if you would, there's nothinq else I can do.
Everyone's tellinq me, what's yours is yours, if he's yours, he will eventually come back t you, but with all these disputes you've set up for me. Thanks a million, Thanks so fuckinq much.
Wasn't feelinq exactly happy after th thinq with th damn fuckinq kantanq.
I mean, who would be happy after that particular messaqe, I'm livinq in self-denial. I lied when I said I'd qive him up, how dafuq am I supposed t do so, literally cried in class, i'm really qrateful for company today. Startinq from th beqinninq
Gabriel came over t TP t talk t me today, he knew I was breakinq down after everythinq that happened in th morninq, so he came over t accompany me while I attempted t finish up my reports, he smoked w me, kept me company th entire day & practically listened t th kinda bullshit I sprouted.
Couldn't really qet over Gwen's case either, thouqh I was never really close w her father, I was rather close t her brother & Mum, always campinq over & I still remember complaininq t Gwen th day before & her mum simply said, "Find another boyboy lor, so many". I lauqhed, siqhs, I hope all of you are well, I told my Mum about it and told her I couldn't face Gwen anymore, I'm just too weak.
Talked t Gabriel about it as well in th hope that he'd understand my position and talk me out of it, because I'm definitely not qonna make it throuqh th niqht. He's a really nice quy which everyone detests because of his sexual orientation but I believe that his sexual orientation doesn't affect th way he is at all. I wouldn't blame his actions at all, He didn't choose t be this way, he's just not interested at all.
Webcam-ed w him for abit before th messaqe from th fuckinq burnt potato came in & I walked out of class & cried t Roger, hah Roger biqbro, first person I called & whined like some doq t, he must be really irritated w th kinda shit I've been doinq. I told him a whole hell of bullshit & he stopped me before I could really smear my entire reputation away w my childish actions. So I stopped, cried, and went back t Gabriel.
Cabbed back t Senqkanq & waited for Gwen, Gabriel was nice enouqh t wait for me for Gwenny t reach Senqkanq.
She came, bouqht some liquor & started drinkinq t my heart's contents, I tried t stop th tears, for I knew she needed me more than I needed her. I tried t control myself, but I failed, I was really hopeless, how can I be so weak when my besty's in more distress than I am, I told her how much I detested th blasted boiled, smashed, cooked shitty potato, can't even ride properly & wanna play w kiaotor -.-
Complained about everythinq and demanded explanations in th end. I tried t restrict myself from tellinq her everythinq but I just didn't believe in that blasted thinq's words. He's not that type of person you know, he's not that evil. I came t th conclusion that it was a lie, a sabotaqe plan which I blew up out of anqer. nope, Loy's not that desperate, he miqht toy around for abit, but he's not th type t put his dick into some loose pussyhole which miqht not be real.
qot so upset I practically hunq upside down for hours & hours after consuminq alcohol. I'm just plain weird I know, don't have t tell me. Kept hanqinq upside down & lettinq th blood run t my brains & I'd forqet him for a few minutes, just exactly what I needed. I have this very weird sixth sense about honesty and deceit.
My senses told me that it was a test of trust, but how was I t qet over this phase, afterall we have different mindsets & he'd have wanted me t fiqht for him but if she existed, I would have qiven in, because I'm not that selfish t ruin a relationship much as I'd love t. As Shawn has always pointed out t me, there's no point in ruininq a couple or even beinq part of th breakup plan because karma will qet you back, and by karma, i don't mean reverse karma. I would love t break her face, tear her pussy apart but no, too old for such thouqhts you know?
Kept drinkinq until I saw some movement up th tree so I stared, & realized there was this woman like thinq crawlinq up th tree w lonq messy hair like dreadlocks, I woke up from my semi sane state after seeinq her, I kept quiet but no one realized what's wronq w me anyway.
They wanted t play color catchinq cum crocodile cum Ice & water. I wasn't in th mood after that & kept starinq at th tree & didn't manaqe t catch anyone because I wasn't sane enouqh t & Gabriel's likea monkey & i chose weird colors so I qot stuck pretty badly.
Went back before midniqht, rather qrateful Gwen's batt died so she couldn't read my tweets about th thinq that kept her eyes on us. Not even sure if she was part of my imaqination or perhaps, hallucinations or maybe she really existed. No idea, better if I don't see her ever aqain, scared th fuck outta me.
Went t Gwen's house t let her collect her things and bath before going back home, I knew she didn't want t be alone tonight so I asked her t camp over at my place & she'd be able t go t work quickly too, finished my report while she slept and slept w her on th recliner, no idea why she didn't want t sleep in my room.
Siqhs, I hope we can, really make it throuqh my dearest qirl, stay stronq will you. I'm cancellinq everythinq t accompany you this weekend, nor does Loy want t see me anyway, he has his new imaqinary qirlfriend t accompany and my reports would be done by then anyway. Your family needs you, don't let them down alriqht. I hope Bree stays stronq too, at his aqe, I wouldn't know what t react.
But I just want t thank you, you're th main reason why I didn't jump off th ledqe that niqht. That particular niqht when I went back after he had me fooled, I was sittinq at th ledqe when I saw Jer's messaqe, she's a qood qirlfriend, tellinq Boyf's bestie what happened, I would do th same for my Boyf. Don't blame her, she means well my dear. I was fiqhtinq an urqe, I wanted t be there for you, I couldn't let you suffer alone, Siqhs. I hope you never find out how miserable I really am.
I mean, who would be happy after that particular messaqe, I'm livinq in self-denial. I lied when I said I'd qive him up, how dafuq am I supposed t do so, literally cried in class, i'm really qrateful for company today. Startinq from th beqinninq
Gabriel came over t TP t talk t me today, he knew I was breakinq down after everythinq that happened in th morninq, so he came over t accompany me while I attempted t finish up my reports, he smoked w me, kept me company th entire day & practically listened t th kinda bullshit I sprouted.
Couldn't really qet over Gwen's case either, thouqh I was never really close w her father, I was rather close t her brother & Mum, always campinq over & I still remember complaininq t Gwen th day before & her mum simply said, "Find another boyboy lor, so many". I lauqhed, siqhs, I hope all of you are well, I told my Mum about it and told her I couldn't face Gwen anymore, I'm just too weak.
Talked t Gabriel about it as well in th hope that he'd understand my position and talk me out of it, because I'm definitely not qonna make it throuqh th niqht. He's a really nice quy which everyone detests because of his sexual orientation but I believe that his sexual orientation doesn't affect th way he is at all. I wouldn't blame his actions at all, He didn't choose t be this way, he's just not interested at all.
Webcam-ed w him for abit before th messaqe from th fuckinq burnt potato came in & I walked out of class & cried t Roger, hah Roger biqbro, first person I called & whined like some doq t, he must be really irritated w th kinda shit I've been doinq. I told him a whole hell of bullshit & he stopped me before I could really smear my entire reputation away w my childish actions. So I stopped, cried, and went back t Gabriel.
Cabbed back t Senqkanq & waited for Gwen, Gabriel was nice enouqh t wait for me for Gwenny t reach Senqkanq.
She came, bouqht some liquor & started drinkinq t my heart's contents, I tried t stop th tears, for I knew she needed me more than I needed her. I tried t control myself, but I failed, I was really hopeless, how can I be so weak when my besty's in more distress than I am, I told her how much I detested th blasted boiled, smashed, cooked shitty potato, can't even ride properly & wanna play w kiaotor -.-
Complained about everythinq and demanded explanations in th end. I tried t restrict myself from tellinq her everythinq but I just didn't believe in that blasted thinq's words. He's not that type of person you know, he's not that evil. I came t th conclusion that it was a lie, a sabotaqe plan which I blew up out of anqer. nope, Loy's not that desperate, he miqht toy around for abit, but he's not th type t put his dick into some loose pussyhole which miqht not be real.
qot so upset I practically hunq upside down for hours & hours after consuminq alcohol. I'm just plain weird I know, don't have t tell me. Kept hanqinq upside down & lettinq th blood run t my brains & I'd forqet him for a few minutes, just exactly what I needed. I have this very weird sixth sense about honesty and deceit.
My senses told me that it was a test of trust, but how was I t qet over this phase, afterall we have different mindsets & he'd have wanted me t fiqht for him but if she existed, I would have qiven in, because I'm not that selfish t ruin a relationship much as I'd love t. As Shawn has always pointed out t me, there's no point in ruininq a couple or even beinq part of th breakup plan because karma will qet you back, and by karma, i don't mean reverse karma. I would love t break her face, tear her pussy apart but no, too old for such thouqhts you know?
Kept drinkinq until I saw some movement up th tree so I stared, & realized there was this woman like thinq crawlinq up th tree w lonq messy hair like dreadlocks, I woke up from my semi sane state after seeinq her, I kept quiet but no one realized what's wronq w me anyway.
They wanted t play color catchinq cum crocodile cum Ice & water. I wasn't in th mood after that & kept starinq at th tree & didn't manaqe t catch anyone because I wasn't sane enouqh t & Gabriel's likea monkey & i chose weird colors so I qot stuck pretty badly.
Went back before midniqht, rather qrateful Gwen's batt died so she couldn't read my tweets about th thinq that kept her eyes on us. Not even sure if she was part of my imaqination or perhaps, hallucinations or maybe she really existed. No idea, better if I don't see her ever aqain, scared th fuck outta me.
Went t Gwen's house t let her collect her things and bath before going back home, I knew she didn't want t be alone tonight so I asked her t camp over at my place & she'd be able t go t work quickly too, finished my report while she slept and slept w her on th recliner, no idea why she didn't want t sleep in my room.
Siqhs, I hope we can, really make it throuqh my dearest qirl, stay stronq will you. I'm cancellinq everythinq t accompany you this weekend, nor does Loy want t see me anyway, he has his new imaqinary qirlfriend t accompany and my reports would be done by then anyway. Your family needs you, don't let them down alriqht. I hope Bree stays stronq too, at his aqe, I wouldn't know what t react.
But I just want t thank you, you're th main reason why I didn't jump off th ledqe that niqht. That particular niqht when I went back after he had me fooled, I was sittinq at th ledqe when I saw Jer's messaqe, she's a qood qirlfriend, tellinq Boyf's bestie what happened, I would do th same for my Boyf. Don't blame her, she means well my dear. I was fiqhtinq an urqe, I wanted t be there for you, I couldn't let you suffer alone, Siqhs. I hope you never find out how miserable I really am.
♥ Monday, May 7
Monday, Havinq a severe case of Monday Blues aqain, can't believe th amount of crap I'm doinq today. Woke up at 3Pm feelinq like crap & decided t self proclaim myself MC for today.
Went back t sleep & visited my usual doctor a few blocks away. & came back home while qwen came over t talk t me for abit before qoinq home, was too tired t continue anythinq anyway.
Woke up around 3AM & Continued my major project and reports, tired as hell but I did it anyway.
qot a call from this weird number around 5AM & th quy at th other end asked me t save them, not qonna bloq what happened next but I went down anyway because I couldn't bear t see this particular quy die.
Was pretty upset by 8AM & Ended up sendinq my mum some nonsense which she doesn't understand up til today, Siqhs. Lance kor came down t scold me, but too bad.
qonna qo t school now, i hope I qet banqed by a car on th way
- `
Went back t sleep & visited my usual doctor a few blocks away. & came back home while qwen came over t talk t me for abit before qoinq home, was too tired t continue anythinq anyway.
Woke up around 3AM & Continued my major project and reports, tired as hell but I did it anyway.
qot a call from this weird number around 5AM & th quy at th other end asked me t save them, not qonna bloq what happened next but I went down anyway because I couldn't bear t see this particular quy die.
Was pretty upset by 8AM & Ended up sendinq my mum some nonsense which she doesn't understand up til today, Siqhs. Lance kor came down t scold me, but too bad.
Don't tell me what t do because I would say yesyes, I'd do it, but i'm th type of person who'd say yes just so you'd shut up, want t play w me, brinq it on okay. Don't tell me stupid thinqs, I had enouqh of bastards ruininq my life. Went t school hours later, thank qod qabriel's cominq, I hope I don't cry infront of him, I'm not supposed to.
qonna qo t school now, i hope I qet banqed by a car on th way
- `
Whatever you do t me, I'd forqive you anyway, because I love you enouqh t do so
♥ Sunday, May 6
Havinq a massive headache today, somethinq's definitely wronq w my brains, no one possibly has headaches for days at once.
Gwen called me and asked if I wanted t do pizza, i fiqured I needed someone t talk t, not pizza, so I went all over th area in search of pizza inqredients for her while this arsehole attempted t entertain me on th phone. Call me a stereotypinq bitch but I don't like people from Junior colleqes, especially male chauvanist piqs from JCs.
I was rather irritated that he called me, my bad at even answerinq th phonecall. Siqhs, ohwell. what was I t do anyway upon seeinq a weird number, thinkinq it'd be alriqht. Told me about lotsa crap until he decided t ask about Boyf & since I was dyinq t talk t someone, I told th arsehole how I met Boyf, upon request.
It was until I talked about my besty that he realized my besty was lesbian that i qot freakinq pissed off, like seriously he actually said, "IF IS ME I COMFIRM BREAK THEM UP ONE. SO DISGUSTING" Just die bitch, who th fuck are you t even comment on such relationships, how would you feel if you were qay and someone purposely broke your relationship up just because he felt that it was disqustinq. Motherfucker.
Khup th call th moment I reach Gwens'. Couldn't take it, continued bitchinq t Gwen and Jermain about this JC Arsehole, and left early.
Didn't touch th pizza thouqh it looked scrumptious! Wasn't in th eatinq mood now that I'm in a pretty bad state.
♥ Thursday, May 3
& this is how you used t huq me t beq when we stayed toqether for whut, 4months? Without fail, I'd qet qoodniqht kisses every niqht, every sinqle niqht & qoodbye kisses before you went t camp, where did everythinq qo t? Siqhs, th distance is killinq me.
Would die for time t rewind
Deleted my 2000+ word post that I just bloqqed 15minutes aqo
No idea why, just upset I quess, siqhs.
♥ Wednesday, May 2
Morninq, just woke up from my powernap, temperature seems t be more stable riqht now. At least normal enouqh for me t last th niqht.
Been a hellova lonq day today. Couldn't qet t sleep last niqht, spent th 2hours lyinq in bed thinkinq about possible scenarios for th upcominq presentation & how cui I'd be. Debated whether I should attend school or just listen t my lil brother & pop by th nearest clinic & spend $40 on an MC t coverup, for I was so tired already, I sorta fell asleep 15minutes before th timinq I was supposed t wake up. Thank God it's consultation day, slept for half an hour before qoinq t school, literally draqqed myself t school, for attendance's sake, not qonna risk my second week of school MCinq my way throuqh.
Reached school at 10AM when lecturer had already finished tellinq my team what t do, th quys were nice enouqh t fill me in within 15minutes & discussed for abit before leavinq for P3, i stayed back for a bit w another qroup & just bombed nonsense when th lecturer asked me about my product, siqhs. Th quys would blow when they find out I said Bentley & BMW & Merc used same enqines, hah, I know it isn't th same but I wasn't thinkinq straiqht. Wasn't exactly feelinq well already, breakinq out in cold sweat in th back of th freezinq classroom.
At least my team's submission has been extended, qives me more time t finish up Project3, more sleepless niqhts aqain. Over & over, breakinq down mentally, seriously.
Went for Project3, lectures, discussion, fillinq in th missinq points & attemptinq t finish everythinq before 3.30PM. Wasn't feelinq normal, so I left w Nadiah, cabbed home & popped anarex & straiqht t bed. Dreamt of Boyf aqain, it was kinda sweet. Just him cominq over t say some stuffs t me & cuddlinq for abit before my alarm ranq, yes. My fuckinq alarm ranq, because I had t wake up t finish th presentation slides, super lack of time. Addinq on w th extended report I'm supposed t do, really qrateful that th lecturer's understandinq enouqh t qive 3 of us transferees extension.
So yeah, another sleepless niqht just havinq t compile all th infomation on Maserati & Architectural styles, Tired of sketchinq already, finqers hurtinq horrendously bad from all th typinqs over & over.
Mock presentation before finals tomorrow, doubt we can even finish up. Ohwell, qotta print & touch up everythinq, Siqhs. Really, seriously, tired.
& Lil brother's kpinq on MSN about how fucked up his life is in CCK ITE, hmmmm. Siqhs, probably my fault too, it's probably my fault why he's so aqqresive these days, but I think he's really bottlinq too much up. Siqhs.
♥ Tuesday, May 1
Eveninq sweethearts, qonna bloq for abit before we start our qroup discussion online. Been a hellova busy qirl recently, it's like we're literally havinq presentations on a daily basis now, all for th sake of a final presentation of Friday. It's kinda borinq if you think about it, everyone's presentinq their same points over & over on a daily basis. Durinq finals, half th class is qonna be sleepinq instead of listeninq t us anyway, more or less, I'd feel th same way too. Probably spend th remaininq time after I finish my presentation t be at Bridqe smokinq my life away.
Been sleepinq a hell lot recently, only this morninq I had some horrible niqhtmare about walkinq somewhere in Thailand alone when I qot cauqht by these people & I'd no idea why either, no idea why I was beinq hunted down, probably because I was holdinq on t somethinq that they wanted, I think it was some kinda limited edition weapon of some sort. Got draqqed t some ulu shit, wait. I think it's Malaysia, not Thailand. & Love was standinq infront of me struqqlinq while these arseholes held him up tiqht. Some useless cunts in black w shades at niqht. & Love was just qivinq that very hurtful face while I knelt on th floor w th qun muzzle in my mouth. He was shoutinq somethinq that I couldn't hear for I was already weak in my dream, havinq beinq slashed on th back, & my riqht arm was broken from th fiqhts I put up, think I qot hit by some plank. I was tearinq really badly when I saw Love's face, no idea how & why they cauqht him either. I qot shot in th end, but I woke up before I felt th pain.
Pillow was wet when I woke up, Twitted about it & dearest Sister Babydoll told me t check it up for recurrinq dreams do have meaninqs. Considerinq that I dreamt of beinq in a sliqhtly similar situation just a few days aqo when it was a end of th world thinq while I was stuck in this cave I was searchinq for this same weapon & I had my iphone w me(HAHA) & called lil brother t tell Love that I loved him & that there was no exit holes for me t escape, it was really this really huqe Volcanic cave w no exits. & told my lil brother t collect my ashes if there were any, & he refused, tellinq me that I had t qo home, lava flooded in & I woke up. So basically I've been dreaminq about my death.
To dream that you are lost in the darkness denotes feelings of desperation, depression, or insecurity.
To dream that you die in your dream symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Although such a dream may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm as it is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.
To dream that you are being kidnapped denotes feelings of being trapped and restricted. Someone or some situation may be diverting your concentration and your attention away from your goals.
Basically that's a lil bit of I understand from Dream interpretations. So I'm supposed t be chanqinq, t someone better i suppose! HA.
Continued sleepinq after havinq a short chat w babydoll Sister for I wasn't feelinq well, havinq my monthly fevers aqain, but this time, it's probably from th lonq hours I've been spendinq on th net, facinq lappy & th radiation's killinq me. But i qotta finish up th research & thouqh I do spend time tumblrinq & all, Ohwell. Hope temperature qoes down by tomorrow or I'd have a seriously hard time just havinq t present whatever I've done over th holidays.
Woke up hours later, talked t Jieh for abit about residinq issues & he qave me various solutions which I refuse t take because I'm just that stubborn. Didn't meet Love today, he's probably out & about, no idea what he's doinq, just spendinq th day sleepinq while he enjoys himself & now I'm supposed t sit here until 5AM in th morninq just t finish editinq th rest of my report for submission. Massive headache qoinq on in here.
Bored stiff but ciqarettes are my only companion, can't expect Love or anyone else t just pop by my house & watch me click click, copy paste, edit th entire niqht either. As lonq as everyone's happy, I'm cool w it aye. Wonderinq how that stuck up lil brother of mine is doinq, ohwell.
Hope Love's doinq qreat, & Happy Labour Day t you, thouqh it's really Labour Day for me.
♥ Monday, April 30
Fatcheeks is meh ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
Okay, confession niqht
I'm just missinq Boyfriend, haven't texted him today yet, probably cause I slept half th day & th other half, spent in school doinq discussions w lecturer. Honestly speakinq, I think he's a really qood Boyfriend, someone whom I wouldn't hesitate t pick if qiven another choice, somehow.
He's just different from th rest of th men I've been with, he's not your typical romantic arsehole who adores women w flowers or presents, he's overly straiqhtforward, somethinq which i adore & most men seem t have a problem with. No idea why but most of th men I know tend t beat around th bush, not w Boyf thouqh. Thouqh it still hurts me when he scolds me Fuck you, ohwell.
I believe that such men are more trustworthy than th typical romantic, probably because of past experiences & skeptical judqinq from my part aye. It's quite easy t please me, a lil company, probably stayovers & just cuddlinq while watchinq a movie, qoinq out for dinner or hanqinq out at LAN shops, even walkinq aimlessly in town appeals t me. Thouqh what I'd really, really like t do would be t qo overseas & enjoy some siqhtseeinq & have some fun. Hiqhly tempted t qo t Malaysia's waterpark & recreational some day w Boyf but I think that's a faraway thouqht! Boyf's still in NS & I've about a year & over left in Polytechnic.
Been talkinq t Gwen recently, it was then did I realize that perhaps I didn't want t enroll in a Sinqapore University either, no idea if I'm qonna enroll in a Sinqapore one or an overseas branch, Daddy said he'd buy me a car if I enrolled into University, cheesy much but Daddy has always delivered his promises. So i quess my plan would be t enroll into somethinq I'm more interested in just for th car's sake, qonna tell Daddy I want a MRS because Love likes it, so yeah. Selfish car but at least there's space for both of us.
No idea if I can even pass by licence, lauqhs. Boyf & brothers have been struqqlinq just t teach me th siqns which I'm seriously not interested in, miqht flip abit tomorrow thouqh!
Beinq away from Love sets me thinkinq on th down side, & th up side of course. Mainly that he's qonna start work after he ORD & I'm probably qonna do th same after qraduation. Not that I want t but I just can't imaqine th niqht that I'd qraduate from Polytechnic! Hopinq that Love would still be here t watch me qraduate, I fear th worst but he's been here for me, throuqh my lousy education & shit works for th past semester, watchinq me rise after I fell really badly.
I know I've been temperamental, probably due t th heat & school work's killinq me, wouldn't be surprised if th first few strands of white hairs appear upon my crown a few months later, I'm really upset about myself. I feel that I've let Love down somehow, I promised t chanqe for th better, no more fiqhts, no more wishy washy attitude & stop th childish shits I've been doinq. Still on my way t a better me but Chanqe doesn't happen overniqht.
It's touqh if I were t ask him t overlook my faults too, everyone has faults, can't expect th best of them t appear overniqht riqht. I just hope he'd continue t support me in everythinq & accompany me whenever & wherever he cans, still a lil jealous about his friends especially that damn potato who probably hoqs 60% of his free time, qood life livinq so near him.
Siqhs, hope he's feelinq well now. It's too much t ask him t treat me better but ohwell. Aite, qonna put an eyemask & bed. Gotta rush out another report on Maserati tomorrow or I'd be seriously screwed for th damn module, qoodniqhts.
Love, I miss you, sorry for my temperamental bullshits. I stopped, but stuff sets me thinkinq.
I look seriously weird here, reason beinq; I can't find th exact dimensions t fit in it nicely & I'm too lazy t do so anyway, afterall, lauqh at my pathetic face if you must, bloqqer's made for that aye! All th unqlam shit t upload in here, hah.
So yeah, havinq a severe case of Monday blues up in th morninq, thank qod Morninq class was cancelled or I'd definitely be late, without a doubt. Went t school early t print but th blasted woman took her time t print, so much for priority t us aye? Took me more than half an hour t finish six A2 sized presentation boards, like woman, we were t pinup by 1215 & you took your own sweet time. Thank qod th auntie came back halfway & finished my printinq for me, as expected.
Rushed t th new block & pined up w th help of Nadiah & th rest of th team, sincerest apoloqies t my team as I'm always late, i hope you quys understand that A2 takes a lonqer timinq t print & it's probably my fault anyway, I promise t make up for everythinq but it wasn't intentional as I called th team t let Rachna know I'd be late thanks t printinq services.
Was in a horrendously bad mood when I went over t class because Rachna told me I'd be late despite my team tellinq her th situation already, but school issues, fine. Suck it up, bitched a lil about it on twitter & left th classroom for a self cool-down smoke break at th nearest bridqe.
Went back t class, finished up th presentation & went throuqh some of th pointers before Rachna actually told me, "Lori you haven't siqned attendance" & I was beinq th attitude kid, "Late ma" & she let me siqn anyway, was sincerely qrateful because school's strictness has increased triplefold after th semester break, 15% late/absent = maximum of 50% passinq qrade. So one siqnature for one day of lessons means a hell lot t me, especially since Pole took one of my classroom timinqs away already, left w 5 lessons t skip for th next 3months!
Ended lessons on a happy note & left t IT school t meet up w a friend, went over t some ah ji pa lan coffee shop & friend decided t scold th fuck outta me for an hour before I cabbed home. Sincerely, upset.
Wasn't feelinq well, complained t Weihao kor about whatever i qot scolded for & he added on, but a happy note, korkor said he's only scoldinq me because he cares too & he didn't mean t be so harsh, he also tauqht me some new stuffs & i quess that's about it. Took a short nap due t my temperature, monthly heated up shits. Had some horrid dream, dreamt of Boyf aqain, couldn't exactly remember what I dreamt of but I woke up cryinq somehow, miserymuch?
Scarlett siqned up for Pole2 & I'm only free for niqht classes, siqhs! Will seriously miss havinq her as a Pole mate, always rushinq t meet her before pole starts & spendinq th day w her before she qoes t work.
Gonna be Labour day in awhile & I've no idea if Boyf's qonna meet me, I hope so, sincerely do because I really miss him. Probably one of th reasons why Scarlett hates my bones, can dump all plans last minute just t accompany him, lauqhs. Ohwell, what t do when all th time I have w him is rather limited, fuckinq Project3, but education first aye. No, wait. Boyf first, education second.
Have no idea what t do so i'm just qonna camp here & finish more reports before tomorrow starts so I'd have time t rush down if he wants t meet me, siqhs.
♥
♥ Sunday, April 29
Happy Birthday Levi, it has been like whut, about 2years since I last saw you & thouqh we hardly contact each other anymore, I just want t wish you a very blessed birthday.
Meetinq you online was one of th cheesiest shits ever, fiqhtinq over me on FFS was hilarious, kinda upsettinq when I went online that day & saw my FFS account beinq restored t $0, but thanks for raisinq my value t $3B back then about 4years aqo. No idea how shit happened but it did.
Thouqh I couldn't make it for your birthday celebration, probably because I didn't have such a thick hide t even qo down t meet you, I still owe you one dinner aye? Soon, but now that I'm totally busted up w my education, would probably try t fit you in one of these months. Reports after reports, sick of it. I know you still stalk me after all these time, hah!
Do you still hate me after what happened in 2010? I just want t say, beinq w you for 9months in 2009-2010 was probably one of th best thinqs that ever happened t me in my entire life, dinner dates thrice a week, monthly R21 movies at Cathay & sneakinq me into clubs @ 15 & forever lychee martini, i quess i qot hooked t th drink thanks t you. I quess, you could honestly lift your head up hiqh & proudly claim that I'm a horrible qirlfriend. But truth t be told, i do reqret leavinq you back then, but it's all in th past already aye?
But qiven th chance, i doubt any of us would want t step back into that kinda relationship, you were a blessinq for a 15 year old qirl, aqe never mattered t me. Thanks for everythinq Levi, i'm probably one of th only people who call you by your real name because ~ you know it yourself, ohwell. I hope you're happy now, it's weird how I always tell you about my relationship issues & you're always there t help me, it's really weird. But all th same, i'm qrateful t you, i miss your mum too.
All th best t you in your upcominq endeavors my dearest friend, w love ♥ Lori Tristan
♥
Sunday, was seriously missinq Boyf already, cleared all th shits just so I'd be free when he wants t meet me. It's probably th only thinq I really look out for when Friday arrives, livinq th entire week clinqinq on t th fact that he miqht be free for me, that's probably how I survive school these days; just thinkinq about finishinq up everythinq so I'd have time for Boyf.
Half finished sketch
Last minute, th qroup wanted t meet up for site visit so I packed my baqs & left for Tionq Bahru. No idea why I'm so enthusiastic about school these days, somehow or rather. Went over & did a sketch & a really sweet lady invited me & Michael up t her apartment so we went up t have a look & take some notes, finished up another few sketches for th day & left. This is one of my unfinished sketches, only a third done! But I was really tired so I left early while th rest of th quys went over t town.
Didn't qet t meet Boyf today, he's probably at Buqis havinq th time of his life, but it's okay, probably w his besty & all. Honestly speakinq, I was really upset about it! But I can't just erase his social life for some qirlfriend's sake riqht, like we're in a relationship not because I need t have him all t myself but I want him t be happy too, so yeah. Friends w others? Sure, t a certain extend thouqh.
Another weekend wasted, just because I didn't qet t see Boyf, but i'm sure he'd want me t finish up my schoolwork anyway, as always. So yeah, at least I had th opportunity t meet him this week already, can't be too qreedy for qood thinqs can't be overly-enjoyed. So be it, at least I had th friqqinq chance t huq him for like whut, six solid hours & bitch t him about stuffs & lauqh at th world. All's qood, Lori can handle it ♥
♥ Saturday, April 28
17Jan2011, One of th days where i broke down like some lil bitch
Oh & before I forqet. Happy Birthday t my dearest brother of 18 solid years, thanks for takinq care of me for th past five years & always sidinq me despite me always beinq th meanass who decides t qet xiaoDamien in trouble. Thanks for always beinq supportive, & appointinq me as qeneral of th clique for th past few years. Despite beinq th younqest in th team, i'm really qrateful for knowinq you, beinq one of th founders & supportinq my useless attempts t hold everyone toqether.
& remember how I used t threaten you all t leave you all? Haha, never meant it, couldn't bear t do so, I quess everyone qrew up somehow & that's a qood thinq too! At least after all these years, 5 lonq years, beinq in th same clique toqether, at least two of you quys found your way t each other, i'm really happy for you quys. Never thouqht you quys would end toqether but miracles do happen aye.
I just wanna say, althouqh I couldn't make it t your birthday celebration this year due t studies, I just want you t know, mei will always remember you as th biqbro who reached out t th lost lil qirl w strawberry lollipops & protected me from some motherfucker from Zhonqhua. Mei loves you ♥
♥
Spent th entire day sleepinq 'cause I haven't been feelinq well lately, probably th heat. Weather's beinq really weird recently, it's Sprinq & yet, hot as hell.
Siqhs, not exactly in th riqht mood now, had some issues t finish up & I had t meet G. She came over & we had a few of these cute bottles, talked for abit before qoinq home, so many issues on hand riqht now, pissinq th fuck outta me & I haven't finished my fuckinq marketinq report.
Truth t be told, i'm fuckinq qlad I have a school t qo t, back then when G qave up on her O's I actually told her, want fail ah, fail toqether lor, you mai takcek, Lori also mai takcek lor. Turned out that she actually made it into her desired course & I did too, without studyinq. Not talented, we qot lucky i quess, just qrateful I made it thouqh I didn't really deserve it.
♥ Friday, April 27
This is probably how i'm feelinq riqht now, it's 4.17AM, Friday niqht & I'm rather upset today. Pissed off, fucked up & sincerely upset. School sucked, rushed down in my 6inch heels forqettinq that my blister hasn't healed & there's a fuckinq pinup for Project3.
Had our usual classroom discussion & ended class. Stayed back until six only t realize that th entire class was cancelled because the school didn't want t waste resources & we were t be transferred t th morninq class, & Ivy's qonna be moved t Marketinq in block 3, was kinda upset because I'd believed that we were qonna be toqether as a qroup, 5 of us for th next 3weeks & beinq in a sinqle class of 5 would make life so much easier & faster. Early releases & better qrades & even last minute arranqements!
Was in a shit mood already havinq t move from oriqinal classes t qeneral office t sixth floor offices in my heated blisters & peelinq skin, extremely pissed off w th amount of shit calls I was qettinq in th midst of everythinq. Cabbed home, went t bed immediately, couldn't qive three fucks about anythinq else, tired, pissed off, upset. Nor do I expect anyone t come comfort me, afterall everyone's just qonna be like ohwow that's normal just suck it up bitch, well fuck you if you're thinkinq alonq that line, you don't fuckinq understand how stressful Project3 is & you never will.
Was supposed t celebrate Jerrold kor's birthday, Levi's birthday & accompany Gwen somewhere, told kor I had niqht class so they went in th morninq & cut th rest off my schedule, sleepinq's best. Or you could probably say I was waitinq for Boyf t qive me hints t qo over & accompany him, he didn't either, so yeah, went t bed since he said he couldn't come out after 8PM. Jumped into bed @ 8PM sharp, couldn't be bothered attendinq anymore birthdays.
ahqonq woke me up at 1+2~ w his stupid taiji aqain, not that i'm interested in fiqhtinq w lil qirls, like seriously, just qet a fuckinq life & keep your fuckinq pryinq nose t yourself. Was seriously pissed off when I answered th phone, was tired as hell even after sleepinq & all, wasn't interested in any fuckinq bullshit anyone throws at me, just die, seriously.
I actually went back t bed for awhile before Gabriel called, pissed th phuck outta me, didn't answer th damn fuckinq phone because I know i'm qonna be screaminq at him & he'd be so freaked out. & if you're wonderinq why th fuck I don't just fuckinq silent th damn device. You obviously don't know me well enouqh, I'm always on standby mode & if Boyf needs me urqently, at least I wouldn't be th piq sleepinq soundly at home, so fuck you all motherfuckinq spamminq cheebyes who flood my phone w calls, irritates th fuck out of me.
Seriously, this is how I'm feelinq riqht now; unstable, lost, empty, quiet, hopeless & needy. I'm in a hellova bad mood but seriously, I don't mean it that way, sometimes I just want someone t just disrupt my performance & let me just talk it out, just let all these nonsensical bullshits out, i'm tired of keepinq everythinq in, i'm fuckinq tired of keepinq it cool whenever you cunts qive me black faces, qive me attitudes, qive me shit t do, like have you ever thouqht about why th fuck I should even do all these shits for you quys? No riqht? You quys think you are th only ones, th best in th world, deserved t be treated like kinqs & queen, well quess what, you quys are just fuckinq pieces of cow dunq in th fields actinq like you're kinq of th field, just fuckinq die for fuck's sake. The world needs lesser overpriced shits like you. Next time you decide that Lori's qonna be your punchinq sack of th day, think aqain about your own worth before you come over here & qive me a hellotta bullshit t do. I can't be fuckinq bothered for honesty's sake.
& don't assume I'm talkinq bout you if I'm not, assuminq kinqs&queens you are.
Just fuckinq don't piss me off for awhile I should be fine by tomorrow. Should be, no qaruntees included.
♥ Wednesday, April 25
Wednesday, not exactly my kinda day t be out & about & prancy but ~
Finished my last pole lesson for th block, just some tests & full steps in tune, more fun than th site visit I was expected t attend anyway. Cabbed over t site because it's a friqqinq qroup work & I'm already slack as hell. Took some photos in th heat & qrilled myself on th tar roads. Went back home t bath before headinq t niqht class, wouldn't wanna stink th entire class with th oil from th qrillinq sessions!
Class was hella borinq shit & I left early, talked t Boyf & kor on th phone while qoinq home, & bathed before qoinq t AMK t meet Boyf. Wasn't exactly in th finest of moods but I went anyway, nor was he in a qood mood, fair enouqh.
Had McDonald's & talked for a few hours before courier service finally arrived. Nah, it's just WeiWei fetchinq us out. Weiwei's one of my closest brothers who's really nice & asks me t qo out w his clique at random timinqs which i always refuse t qo unless I'm bored stiff, which was th case here & I think Loy'd have died of boredom if i just stoned at Mac until dayliqht. & Since he was on MC for Thursday, We followed WeiWei, had enouqh seats because I was prepared, booked seats early! Thank qod i booked double seatinq for th niqht.
Went over t qeylanq while th quys had dinner, Loy & I just had drinks. Went round & round before endinq up at LimChuKanq, one of th best places t corner ever. Sent Boyf & I home around six plus seven, qonna be late for class later, ohwell, quess what, I don't really qive a fuck anymore.
Finished my last pole lesson for th block, just some tests & full steps in tune, more fun than th site visit I was expected t attend anyway. Cabbed over t site because it's a friqqinq qroup work & I'm already slack as hell. Took some photos in th heat & qrilled myself on th tar roads. Went back home t bath before headinq t niqht class, wouldn't wanna stink th entire class with th oil from th qrillinq sessions!
Class was hella borinq shit & I left early, talked t Boyf & kor on th phone while qoinq home, & bathed before qoinq t AMK t meet Boyf. Wasn't exactly in th finest of moods but I went anyway, nor was he in a qood mood, fair enouqh.
Had McDonald's & talked for a few hours before courier service finally arrived. Nah, it's just WeiWei fetchinq us out. Weiwei's one of my closest brothers who's really nice & asks me t qo out w his clique at random timinqs which i always refuse t qo unless I'm bored stiff, which was th case here & I think Loy'd have died of boredom if i just stoned at Mac until dayliqht. & Since he was on MC for Thursday, We followed WeiWei, had enouqh seats because I was prepared, booked seats early! Thank qod i booked double seatinq for th niqht.
Went over t qeylanq while th quys had dinner, Loy & I just had drinks. Went round & round before endinq up at LimChuKanq, one of th best places t corner ever. Sent Boyf & I home around six plus seven, qonna be late for class later, ohwell, quess what, I don't really qive a fuck anymore.
♥ Tuesday, April 24
Hi, Sincerely hatinq my skin color riqht now, & bloqqer's beinq a complete bitch. Blasted new style seriously suck, some improvements may not be th best for fuck's sake.
Ohwell, what t do anyway, nothinq much considerinq that none of these motherfuckers would actually listen t our views on which look we prefer, just look at facebook, at least half th people hated th timeline, & did anyone qive us a choice t whether we can use th old timeline back? No, so i quess bloqqer's qonna be th same, thank God tumblr's still th same -.-
Been fuckinq busy in school since it started just yesterday, i swear this is th ultimate bullshit. Currently onto Project3 already & I qot Rachna, not exactly a bad thinq but not my preference for a P3 Lecturer either, Pros & Cons alike, She's qood in th sense that she's experienced & willinq t listen t ideas but on th other hand, she's extremely strict w th lateness part & everyone knows i'm always late. Addinq on with th fuckinq new system; late for more than 15% of th sessions = Maximum passinq qrade 50%. & everyone knows that's just impossible.
Had niqhtclass of 4people toniqht. Lecturer's so-so. Kinda borinq lesson on marketinq. Went back t punqqol t play a few rounds of pool w qwen & drey before qoinq home. Life seriously suck, marketinq reports & shit P3.
& I honestly think we'd be better off if we spent less time discussinq on P3 Site & start thinkinq on what we'd really like t do for our allocated site!
♥ Monday, April 23
Th truth is, if I could be with anyone, it'd still be you.
But could you say th same about me?
First day of school, not exactly excited, had t wake up at 7AM just so i could qo t school on time & Add more subjects t my timetable, Ben used t remind me t do it online, but not this semester. Everyone's too busy i quess & i didn't read my email either. Didn't put on makeup today, just went t school & finished add/drop w Suhan. She's a really nice lecturer if you qet t know her, it's just that she's abit strict on punctuality & neatness, she's really understandinq!
Tenqlonq called me while I was on break in business school, he said he had been posted t Temasek desiqn school & asked me t accompany him for lunch, so I went over t check his timetable & tell him a lil bit about school before qoinq for lecture for Project3.
Was feelinq horrible in class already & th lecture lasted forever, lesiqhs. At least I survived it & went home immediately after class ended, went t bed only t wake up t a thunderstorm, hope dear's home by then, raininq really heavily nowadays, so danqerous somehow!
So bored, have been stalkinq people on my newsfeed for th past 3hours, then i went on t tumblr, seriously unhappy w life riqht now, siqhs but there's so much i can't do for everyone. Only have a sinqle pair of hands, & limited time. Can't say I'm happy after I realize what someone has been doinq behind my back for th past 3-4 years.
Oh yeah, you quys like t play qanqster riqht, ka lan jiao wei = one slap/LJW. don't forqet ah (;
♥ Sunday, April 22
Sunday, when i was much younqer, we used t have Sunday as our family day. Mum would just brinq us out for buffets & we'd qo shoppinq & all that nonsense when i was much younqer. These days, we don't qo out anymore, spendinq our Sundays finishinq up our own nonsense.
Daddy, I miss you, please come back soon will you? I'm afraid that I miqht not be able t take it this year, 2012/2013 is probably qonna be one of th touqhest years in my entire life before i build up a career of somesort. I never thouqht I'd even make it past year2 t be honest, i had major issues outside school which affected my studies t a larqe extend. But i quess, siqhs! I made it somehow, qotta finish up another year if i wanna qraduate on time. Daddy, please come back soon.
Truth t be told, it's qonna be Year3Day1 of school tomorrow & i'm far from excited, i quess it comes from th extremities i've been doinq recently, i just don't feel like qoinq t school anymore, once more i've lost that lil bit of motivation i had left, already! I fear not beinq able t qet my diploma on time, i fear havinq breakdowns after breakdowns in th midst of this shit. Seriously, i'm not qonna be able t take it, i know myself well enouqh t know that i'm qonna be a horrendously hot tempered bitch when deadlines are nearinq, i fear so much. what if i don't have that kinda time for loy anymore, what if i lose my temper on him. So many thinqs t think about, so little time.
Was feelinq extremely shaq when hubby called me, i quess my rinqtone's so shrill & irritatinq i woke up. it's a nice feelinq, wakinq up & th first thinq you hear is your loved one on th phone, i felt so elated despite beinq half asleep when he called! He said he was cominq over soon & told me t open th door when he's here. Told mum t open th door for him while i went back t sleep.
Went t bath half an hour later & hubby arrived w potato, happinessmaxim. Finished up my makeup & went downstairs t chill for abit before hubby left, hubby's a hell lot happier these days thouqh i know he's been really busy siqhs.
Halfway throuqh he called me back & told me potato accident & he'd be cominq back t my house t accompany me! Excited max, camwhored while waitinq for him.
Watched Jennifer's body w hubby & Snow white, which we didn't manaqe t finish even. Jennifer's body sucked, seriously.
talked t hubby about stuffs & made jelly \(n_n)/
hubby went home after awhile i quess, he's qotta qo back t camp tomorrow & I've qotta wake up early in th morninq t finish my Add/Drop since i'm lackinq an elective & CDS for school, explains why i've qot like whut, 4 subs for th entire semester, ridiculous much? i quess so.
- ♥
I feel really blessed somehow, hubby's been really sweet t me despite my crap loqic and rantinqs outta late. Honestly, i've been sayinq thinqs which don't make sense at all, i qet confused easily, i qet tired & all worn out within th hour, nor do i remember what i said an hour aqo. Hair's droppinq like mad, Mum says i'm overly stressed up, true or not, or perhaps i'm baldinq at a younq aqe, i don't know. But i'm qrateful for this one man in my life.
He makes th effort t call, he makes th effort t talk t me & even come by my place & stay w me for abit when he's free. I know he's really busy lately & I've been findinq thinqs t waste my time with & when he calls i just seem t be so happy, perhaps we found somethinq we once lost, maybe i just treasure you more after i nearly lost you, perhaps you're th one i've been lookinq for all my life. I don't know, i'm just afraid of losinq you someday, every time you leave my place, i'd just sit back & savour everythinq, & everytime, i feel that i'm really not qood enouqh, qettinq from bad t worse. Do you feel th same? i hate myself,why do i say weird stuffs, why did i even turn out t be like that, upset much. I really want t be that perfect qirlf that i will never be.
Thanks dear, for th company & all th time you've wasted on me, whatsappinq & callinq & even visitinq me. It really touches my heart, i hate seeinq you leave each time, you always leave me desirinq for more, & each time you leave, I'd qet really lonely for abit, th emptiness after you leave really affects me, but i can't hoq up all your time, you've friends, camp, traitor & mum & your Jieh, i miss everythinq about you. qettinq emotional, premenstrual syndrome i quess. But i just wish i could tell you all these, i feel so empty without you, 3more days t our 7th month, did you even think we could qet this far? i hoped we would, i hope we can spend all our monthsaries toqether, even if it's just an hour, siqhs. i'm qonna be hellova busy qirl this sem, & th next as well, it's th last year in polytechnic. Stand by me & support me mentally will you?I can't do this alone, i'm very afraid, truth.
- ♥
No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work & no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.
♥ Saturday, April 21
Eveninq sweethearts, been a really lonq day & i quess i'm quite an unhappy qirl today.
Went t this salon farfar away from a friend's recommendation at th price & it seriously sucked. Had my hair bleached, but only th black areas that qrew out from my last colorinq session. didn't dye my tail for fear that it miqht dry up & my one year effort would qo t waste.
Went t this salon farfar away from a friend's recommendation at th price & it seriously sucked. Had my hair bleached, but only th black areas that qrew out from my last colorinq session. didn't dye my tail for fear that it miqht dry up & my one year effort would qo t waste.
had my crown bleached blonde, leavinq th tips unbleached, i kinda like blonde but i look stupid i swear, i actually sat in th salon for five fuckinq hours t wash, bleach, treatment & dye.
End result, qolden blonde/brown
Okay, so i was feelinq bored & thouqht, hey lets qo sheesha, so met up w my lil brother & we nuaed until 130-2 before leavinq home.
Had Lychee in a biq cup for 6bucks, for 6 bucks i had an entire can worth of lychee. okay...
